Bullying Signs

One in a series of pages I have published to help the parents of children who are being bullied, I pass on tips to help you help your child. These tips were learned that hard way - through almost three years of bullying that my daughter endured at Elementary School.

I hope you are not reading this because your child is being bullied, but if s/he is, then I hope our experience can help you to help them.

Are you worried your child is being bullied but not sure? Your child may use all sorts of excuses to try to hide that s/he is being bullied. On this page you will find some of the most common signs to look for if you suspect that your child is being bullied.

What do I mean, by how to tell if your child is being bullied? Surely you would know?

Errr....no. I have to admit that even with my experience in dealing with bullying, I did not spot the signs the last time my daughter was bullied. I guessed something was not quite right, but it took her to admit there was something going on.

But what if your child does not admit something is going on. How do you look for signs that they may be being bullied?

Here's what you need to look out for:

not wanting to go to school, when they used to enjoy it

feeling ill in the mornings, when they are not normally sickly

beginning to underperform in their school work

possessions go missing and they say they lost them

asking for more money or even stealing money (to pay the bully)

says they lost their pocket money

having unexplained injuries - bruises, scratches, cuts

Bullying saps a child's confidence and self belief. The more the Bullying continues, the more it erodes your child's self esteem. They may even begin to believe that the problem is with them and not the Bully.

Watch out for these changes in your child's behaviour at home and school:

becoming withdrawn, when they are normally lively and outgoing

starting to stammer or be less confident explaining things

suddenly lacking in confidence in doing things

becoming distressed and anxious about what seems like silly and trivial matters

behaviour and personality changes, not being themselves

When my daughter was being bullied it was awful to see my very bright, sparkly girl turn into someone completely different. One of the first signs we noticed was that she had trouble sleeping and when she did get to sleep she had bad dreams. But there's other signs to look for too:

off their food

crying themselves to sleep

refusing to discuss problems, when it is clear something is bothering them

beginning to bully other children, being horrible to siblings - seeming to take it out on them?

bad tempered, aggressive, completely unreasonable (OK, this is a tough one, especially with teenagers!)

not being themselves, extreme changes in personality?

In many cases when a parent tries to first discuss suspected with their child, their son or daughter will give all sorts of excuses to actually cover up any signs of bullying they may be exhibiting.

If you do suspect your child is being bullied, it is very important to persuade them to tell you what is going on. Tell your child that the only way they can be helped is if they tell you.

Also, whetever you do, do NOT promise that you will not speak to anyone at school about it. Children are often fearful that if they "tell" then the problem will get worse. But the school cannot help if they do not know what is going on.