It was a very dark night. By which I mean it was quite bright outside and hot enough to have the window wide open. This served only to prove that real nature has no sense of pathetic fallacy.
From my perspective, it was a dark night. My browser had been hi-jacked and spyware was streaming through the breech. I ran the firewall that was supposed to be saving me from this kind of thing. It froze, locked out by the Trojan that had also sneaked through.
If I hadn't been so indignant, I would have cried. I threw everything in my not inconsiderable cyber-arsenal at it, but to no avail.
In the end I had to swallow my pride and head into certain corners of the internet. I entered under a pseudonym and asked for help.
When you want to buy a car, there's no-one better to ask than a mechanic. If you want to learn which is the best, most authentic Chinese restaurant in town, you ask the homesick Chinese students. If you want to know how to protect your system from hackers, then the same reasoning applies.
After the trolling had finally abated, I was given two recommendations. They both worked. I regained control of my computer and I've never lost it since.