How to Get Out of a Bad Marriage

Anytime you express interest in divorce it's common for others to talk you down from the thought as if it's a disastrous option. Many people, me included, get married to someone they should not. In such cases divorce is the healthiest option for both parties.

Ah, the idea of marriage, the vary thing that gets many of us in trouble. We think must do what everyone else is and why? This is the 20 million dollar question. Many of us think we're in love and yet later find out NOPE, that was not love! But the vows were said and the ink is dry.

Real people suffer very real pain in marriage. Why should anyone live with so much pain? Can't two people simply call it a mistake and move on, no harm no foul? 

Many of us don't know what true romantic love, the kind building great marriages, really is.  If you've never experienced true love there's no way of honestly knowing and therefore many a tragic marriage begins. We follow what seems to be love as outlined per our society, when truly love comes from within. The real measure of love is different for each of us, and can only be determined by ones personal needs.

At this point you can no longer remain in a bad marriage nor should you. To do so is unhealthy for anyone involved. It’s best to come to terms with the reality of divorce privately not telling anyone about it until you are certain it’s the right path for you.

Review the signs of a bad marriage.

1. You feel continual negative emotions when you experience your spouse’s touch and or sound of their voice.  These such emotions often manifest into adverse physical changes threatening your health and mental well being.
2. You make an effort to do most everything you can without your spouse.
3. You rarely ever talk; I mean really talk to your spouse anymore and stop sharing important details.  In severe cases you find you can't process their words as you've tuned them completely out.
4. Intimacy (as in hugging, holding hands, kissing etc.) is enjoyed less and less until it fades or feels wrong.  
5. Someone or something becomes more important than your spouse until they are a significant void in your life.
6. You think less of your spouse and more about yourself as survival instincts kick in and you fear your well being threatened from the stress of a bad marriage.

Take stock in what really matters to you and your spouse noting and outlining these facts.  As you review all things to consider create a list of notes, a reference document for when you discuss the terms of the divorce.  It is common to go blank when it's time to discuss the terms or you’re in the attorney’s office.  Divorce is hard to talk about even with your lawyer, relax and refer to your notes.

Don’t take more of the material possessions than you should, as there is no reason to hurt your spouse in anyway. There is something to be said for Karma, so keep your slate clean.

2) Take care of money matters. If you have limited money or no source of income you will need to make certain you have a place to live.

• If children are involved you can apply for housing which can take up to one year or longer. Look into this and make certain you have a place to go.
• If you’re a man and plan to leave the house to the ex wife and kids secure an affordable apartment.
• I have a girl friend who made the choice to leave the house and kids to her husband who was a stay home Dad, as she is a career driven person.  
• All marriages are different and therefore all divorces are as well. Divorces don’t happen over night so start now and plan well.
• You could arrange to live with a family member through the divorce proceedings.
• It’s helpful to have the support of loved ones to help you at such a difficult time, plus they will prove vital to the balance and well being of children if you have any.
• Doing it alone is fine too, in fact a vital need for many.  I personally am a loner and needed a private place to live during my divorce, one free of family and friends.

• It’s important to highlight their activities and positive accomplishments helping them to stay engaged in their own lives.
• Do not talk badly about your spouse, the kid’s father or mother ever. Anytime you criticize the other parent you criticize the kids as they share the same DNA! Children take this as a personal criticism.

If you struggling with this issue remember it takes just one step at a time so be patient with the process. Divorce is never an easy time and yet a very necessary fact, remember this to shall pass.

Much Love and Success, Katie