Learning to Listen

Employers are seeking individuals who are self confident, have self awareness, proficient in communication skills and those who have the ability to work well with others.  Technical skills are important, but not any more than the ability of an individual to work in harmony within a team concept.  This is a main issue for employers who are looking for leaders and one of the most important skills in management is learning to listen.

Professionals in management who are seeking to become a proficient leader must be one who cares enough not to just hear what is being said by the team (each person in the team, not a select few); but what is not being said.  Learning to listen gives an individual an advantage even over the person who is talking.  If you listen long enough, unskilled conservationist will tell you much more about what is really going on than what you thought you already knew.  How so you might ask?  If you allow certain people to talk, they will sometimes divulge true concerns and critical issues by accident; not only by what is voiced, but by their actions. In working relationships, fear is a prime example. Fear of loosing a job, fear of being considered less qualified, etc. Fear will bring out certain vulnerabilities that cause people to say things they would not likely say in other circumstances. 

Quote:  "You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time."  --M. Scott Peck

Have you ever been talking to someone and they were looking in another direction and not at you?  They seemed to be per-occupied with what the people across the room were saying.  What were your feelings at the moment?  You more than likely thought; this conversation is not very important and I wonder why I am wasting my time.  You probably also thought about it long after the conversation was over, and even wish you had not put yourself into the position of being ignored.

This happens too often with individuals who are not living in the moment and who have not learned how to listen. Every conversation is important, or it should be.

Learning to listen requires skills just like any other personal growth improvement.  If we could place ourselves in the situation above; we would more than likely try to remember not being heard is not a pleasant feeling. 

Quote: " If we dare listen well, we just might find out that someone is just as important and knows just as much, even more than we do."  this author

Listening Skills requires the following:

• Eye contact
• Watching a person’s emotions, hand movements, and stance
• Being able to ask questions that will give answers to what has not been said
• Learning the difference in giving constructive suggestions without being critical
• Learn to discuss without arguing
• Learning how to portray leadership without saying; “I’m the boss”
• Learning to treat others the way you would want to be treated if you were trying to express yourself
• Thinking before you speak

Quote:  "A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with." –Kenneth A. Wells

If a person isn't listening; they sometimes will just shake their head in response, and pretend they agree with what you have said. They are looking around the room, not at you, and they actually do not know if they agree or not. The sound of a voice was heard; not the words of what were said; in other words they have no clue what you said, and more times than not; probably agreed to something they do not agree with at all. Their interest was in the conversation they could overhear standing next to them; not you. This is not good listening skills and nothing that was said got in further than in one ear and out the other.  It did not go through the brain, if it had they would be able to recall what was said when they are reminded they agreed with you.  So often people will just up and walk away from a full conversation because they see someone more interesting they want to talk to.

Eye contact is mandatory because it gives the person speaking the attention they deserve and the attention you would want if the position were reversed.  If you are looking at someone you can see their emotions and better understand the meaning of the words that are being said. You can tell by  eye contact, hand movement and stance if they are truly saying what is relevant to the conversation or if their own mind is distracted.  

"A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something."  --Wilson Mizner

Learning to listen can also give the person seeking answers the ability to express themselves more readily. When we give others the ability to speak without interruption; it means we are actually concerned with what they have to say.  So often we cannot listen without trying to butt in and give our response without hearing the entire story.  In other words we can’t stop talking long enough to listen and therefore it places us in the position of being misunderstood.  Voicing our opinion without knowing all the details is not constructive or to an advantage; it is actually being insensitive and unproductive.

Quote:  “Effective questioning brings insight, which fuels curiosity, which cultivates wisdom.”  --- Chip Bell

First no one knows the answers to every person’s needs and all situations. But, when a person can listen to what is being said without saying anything and watches the actions of the person; they will have better answers and more helpful advice.  It is rude to offer advise if it is not warranted or asked for.  In any relationship especially work related; being able to give a non-partial reaction to what has been said; without a negative response can make all the difference in your ability to govern others.  It means that you have taken in the conversation, examined the content and can given alternatives that are practical, reasonable, and constructive without partiality.  Learning to listen makes governing easier in that it will grant an open mind even when you know conversations are contradictory or untrue.  

Quote:  "We should never pretend to know what we don't know, we should not feel ashamed to ask and learn from people below, and we should listen carefully to the views of the cadres at the lowest levels.  Be a pupil before you become a teacher; Learn from the cadres at the lower level before you issue orders."  --Mao Tse-tung

Learning to listen is a great skill, and is essential for leadership; but takes some time to learn for most of us humans. That being said; there are people who have the desire to learn something of value from every person they talk to. If we desire and look hard enough we can learn from each individual we meet. It may be something we hope to never, ever have in our life, but that is still something of value.  We can also learn somethings of value from the most unlikely person we have ever met, that may have never set foot in a higher education facility. Life can surprise us often if we allow it.

People who seek to learn from others realize that to learn more about any individual is to listen to what they have to say, make them feel at ease and be able to reply with controlled responses.  To enhance ones ability to be the best “boss,” it is essential to give each member of the team the benefit of the doubt and let them expound their inner feelings.  One does not have to agree with everything that is said, nor do they have to listen to rude, inappropriate clatter.  It simply is giving each the opportunity to be heard. It is profound wisdom to learn to listen even when you want to scream. 

Quote:  "Of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable—and one of the least understood. Most captains of industry listen only sometimes, and they remain ordinary leaders. But a few, the great ones, never stop listening. That's how they get word before anyone else of unseen problems and opportunities." — Peter Nulty, National Business Hall of Fame Fortune Magazine

"Learning to listen means we are simply talking less." --this author