Living Alone On My Own

When I was younger, I had relationships and was even married once for a short time. I didn't plan on living alone.  I realized that no one could give me what I wanted and, in fact, didn’t even want the same things I did. My relationships just didn’t last. I resigned myself to a solitary life.

I did consider having children at one time, but my feeling was that if there was no room for me to have a little house and yard, then most likely there were simply too many people on the planet. I lived most of my life living close to the edge. If I couldn’t take proper care of myself, why would I want to try to take care of someone else, anyway?  I just never had the burning desire to reproduce. (Interestingly, my three siblings had only one biological child each.)

I don’t like to be in crowds of people. I realize, though that I’ve almost always been like that. I didn’t want to go to Woodstock because it would have been a big crowd. I feel unsafe in a huge gathering of strangers. Things could happen that would be dangerous, like a stampede or some other disaster.

I would rather be in a small group of people having a conversation or sharing music or a meal.

In the distant past, there were holidays when I felt lonely. I grew up celebrating all the traditional holidays by being with family. When my family moved away, we all dispersed to various parts of the world and that was no longer possible. I was often invited to the homes of friends and their family. It was very uncomfortable since they always had their own traditions and family feuds. I decided to celebrate by myself and have been much happier for it.

I don’t’ mind spending time with friends who don’t do the traditional celebrations but I won’t accept invitations for the rest. I’m more content spending time with my dogs.

Like any lifestyle, there are good and bad things about living alone. The good things are, not having to check with anyone about going somewhere, buying something, what movie to watch, what to eat or any other of those life decisions. You are free to do what you want, when you want. If you decide to paint the kitchen pink, well, you don't need to discuss it.

You don’t have to worry about pleasing someone. I used to make great meals for someone who couldn't be bothered to come inside and eat when it was ready. I scrubbed the bathroom for someone who never noticed. Now, if I bother at all, I do it for me.

You don’t have to adjust to someone else’s time schedule. It might be a small sacrifice if you are living with people you love, but I delight in having a day stretch out in front of me with no obligations.

There are times when I wish someone was around. Sometimes I have no one to help reach, dig, build, hold or do those things that may take two or more people.

It is easy to get lazy about cooking good meals or getting dressed. And, of course, there is no second income.

If you have exciting news, there’s no one handy to share it with. My dogs just don’t seem to get the importance of my announcements. I have to call or visit a friend.

If you are away from home, there is no one to call in an emergency. You will have to find someone else to give you a ride or to let the dogs out or any of those things

. I always make sure that someone has a spare key and written instructions and phone numbers in case something happens. Being online isn’t a bad thing either. It not only keeps you company, but if you don’t show up for a while, friends can check in with you to make sure you’re all right.

Good friends and neighbors often help out when you live alone. I find it does become difficult to ask for too much though when I don’t have the means to reciprocate. I try to stay hopeful that things will get better and someday I’ll be back in a little house where I can have my family of animals and invite friends over.  For now, I’m just grateful for my dogs and a roof over my head.