Old Wives Tales and Funny Hillbilly Sayings

1. What you say about other people kids you’ll get back in your own.
2. If you get wet while washing dishes you’ll marry a drunk.
3. If you lift your feet for someone to sweep you’ll never marry again.
4. Coffee stunts your growth
5. Hard work is good for the soul
6. Burnt food makes you purdy
7. If your right hand itches you're getting money
8. If your left hand itches you're losing money
9. Tell a bad man every day he's a great man and he'll become a great man

You will no doubt want to save this page to your favorites as I promise there are some treasures here you won't want to lose.  First let me give you a bit of background info on this collection of old wives tales and funny sayings.  It all started one day while driving with my daughter in the car, now the story from the beginning.

What is a Hick, one thing I can talk about with some authority is hillbillies, hill jacks, rednecks, hicks and funny related stuff. 

I came from a long line of folks down yonder in Arkansas where my Dad was born and raised. Some of um cuter than a speckled pup wise sum of um looks like they dun went and fell out the ugly tree hittin ever branch on the ways down. 

Weeze from a few other places but I'm not gonna mention them cause I don't wanna get a whooopin!

Now I often talk about my real roots you know my dna and xyz and all but as my daughter often reminds me it’s were you're raised and get your up bringing that most influences you. 

I've decided to write down all the funny stuff I remember from my childhood southern influences and such. It’s the funny dark side those havin an inner hick, redneck or hillbilly laugh about and those who haven’t laugh about as well.

But the bottom line is laughter is the best medicine and I’m sure it’s something every hick, hillbilly or redneck can be proud of.

So I'm gunna take you back to when heck was a pup and ever porch swang wuz in the good company of a big ole mason jar filled to the brim with some of Momma's good ole sweet tea.

Watch Yer Mouth

Things I heard as I grew up;

• I'd say, hea where'd you get that" and hear, "at the gettin place you'd been there yud got one too
• Someone may ask, "Where'd you get that", you reply, "At the gettin place, you'd been there yud a got some to"
• She ain’t no bigger than a cake of soap
• Gonna beat you like a redheaded step child
• Go fetch a switch
• She still ain’t no bigger than a cake of soap, after I came home from college
• Caint never did cause caint never tried
• Ain’t work brittle
• Want in one hand and pee in the other see which fills up fastest
• To dumb to pour pee out a boot with directions on the heal
• Wise archer
• Usins goin ya’ll come
• Dumber than a box of rocks
• A bubble off plum
• Rid up this mess

• Don’t take any wooden nickels
• I’ll give you something to cry about
• I’m gonna knock you into next week
• I’ve already forgot more than you know
• Grab a cold tater and wait
• Burnt food makes you pretty
• If you eat that your hair will turn red.
• It’ll cure what ails ya
• Oh really Dick Tracy
• Oh really Chic Tracy
• You don’t say
• L – I – B Dang
• Drunker than Cooter Brown (I never figured out who Cooter Brown is)
• More than livers got pills
• Ain't that a hoot
• Longer than a witches dream
• Colder than a well diggers bum
• Hotter than a fire cracker
• Bold as brass
• Don’t squat with your spurs on,
• dumb as a post,
• doesn't have a pot to pee in,
• this is a two biscuit day,
• when your nose itches, someone's coming to see you with a hole in their britches,
• that's where Tony throwed the mule,
• Katie bar the door,
• he's like a blister--doesn't show up until after the work is done,
• tighter than Dick's hatband,
• like talking to a fence post (or stump),
• like searching for hen's teeth,
• he's so dumb, if you moved his plate five inches to the left he would starve to death,
• Fuller than a tick on a dogs ear.
• Runnin around like a chicken with its head cut off.
• Hotter than a two dollar pistol.
• Sweatin like a whore in church.
• The door swings both ways
• Are you shining me or Stop Shining me
• You’re a sight for sore eyes
• He's a young shaver
• Knee high to a grass hopper
• Look what the cat dun went and drug in
• ya come up yonder, we fix ya some vittles.
• you youngins getting on my last nerve.
• we got somein good to eat.
• that there girl yonder.

I do hope this gave ya'll a lil chuckle or big fat smile.

Please leave me a comment and let me know if you have any old sayings you'd like to share. Get your smile on!

Ya'll come back now ya hear! Katie