Regret: A Poem from The Divorce Chronicles
A poem written during the first years after divorce lamenting over keeping the ex's last name.
A Poem of Regret
From: The Divorce Chronicles
She dreams awake, for sleep won’t come.
And weeps in silence, as though dumb.
As if to grieve aloud would be
Admitting to this misery.
She hides it well behind tired eyes
And to herself she daily lies.
As if the truth aloud would be
A cold affront to her dignity.
And all the while she feels it still
The anger, the sadness, the bitter pill—
And is oft reminded, what a crying shame
Whene’er she writes her own last name.
My Personal Commentary
When you've chosen to keep your last name for the sake of your child, it is a bittersweet pill. There are good memories tied to that name. There is a child tied to that name. There is an entire set of in-laws tied to that name. (Which can be a good or bad thing). From my perspective, it seems to be a constant reminder of my ex-husband and the failure of the marriage--a very painful reminder. This is compounded by the fact that I actually was engaged to be remarried since the divorce, but I ended up breaking the engagement because I was just not ready. My fiance died this past October from a heart attack. The new marriage was just not meant to be. I have contemplated reverting back to my maiden name, but it seems like a lot of red tape and probably would add a lot of confusion to my business dealings. Plus, I consider how it might make my son feel alienated from me. If the last name is good enough for him, then it is good enough for me. It is just a name. The character behind the name is who a person ultimately is. This is what I strive to remember.
The name "Regret" may cause some to pause. My regrets are many--not that I am actually divorced, because that cannot be undone; but that it had to actually come down to it. I regret that I have a failed marriage--what I view as a black mark on my record. Bitterness? Oh yes, there has been a boat load of bitterness. But it's getting better. Every time it pops up, I have to slap it in the head and tell it to sit down and shut up. Sometimes it wins. But those times are getting farther and farther between. Do I still cry when I write my last name? No. Those days are behind me. Do I still feel a twinge of sadness? Yes. But I trust as time goes on even that will fade. You never know what life will bring. In the words of Kermit, for now at least, I just smile and say, "I ain't easy bein' green."
Some Helpful Books
If You're Going Through a Painful Divorce
|Divorce & Splitting Up: Advice From a Top Divorce Lawyer|
Written by one of the country’s best-known family lawyers, Divorce & Splitting Up is the essential how-to book for anyone who is getting divorced or splitting up from a partner....
|Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened ...|
It’s over—and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, you can move past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex bac...
|the divorce diet|
You’ve no doubt been scouring the bookshelves in the relationship or self help section of the local bookstore or online search looking for the latest and greatest book on how to...
|Divorce & Money|
Divorcing? Get everything you need to split assets and debts as fairly as possible.When you're going through divorce, you have to make an overwhelming number of financial decisi...
|Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce|
Turn to Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce for clear answers that can help make your divorce simpler and reduce your expenses. You'll even learn how to successfully divorce with ...
Gotta Love Kermie
It Ain't Easy Being Green
More of The Divorce Chronicles
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Divorce from a Christian perspective--the aftermath of a difficult choice.
Practical tips for keeping it together when your marriage has fallen apart.
A personal blog of hope and inspiration.
What does a single mother do when her world turns topsy turvy? She relies on her faith in God to give her hope and a new life. She writes!