How standing for peace five minutes a day changes my life

I tend to be a fairly calm person. That is, I tend to be a fairly calm person until something riles me. I can flash like a whole mob. Usually, my anger is reserved for the idiots mindlessly destroying the world so they can die surrounded by a little more gold in their uber-opulent palaces.

See what I mean? No angel, moi. I am judgmental, opinionated, and at times, sharp of tongue.

I will flare at the pushy woman who knocks into my grandchild and me in her rush to beat us to a seat on the train, my eyes stabbing, mouth in a rictus. Then, for the briefest moment, I remember my morning stand for peace, the love I felt for the people in the shops and stores outside my window, my gratitude for the rain clearing the air, or the sunshine dappling the brightly painted buildings and awnings.

That's enough to give me pause, take a breath, smile at my sweet granddaughter, then at the back of the woman hustling to her seat.

Sometimes that's all it takes. Soon we are chatting happily on the train, my granddaughter, the woman, one or two others, and I.

Sometimes that momentary flash doesn't work. Only recently, I shamed myself, in public, no less.

The bus was packed. A cattle car has more room. I stood on tip-toe, hanging on to a too-high bar with both hands and all the strength I had. A seated woman, fearful that I might fall on her, continuously pushed me--on my derrière!

Leaning this way and that to accommodate her need for ever more space, I could not give her enough. Over and over again, she reached out and pushed me where no stranger should touch another.

At first I made eye contact, smiled to let her know I was aware of her and doing the best I could. She told to me to move, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the only person on the bus with any air space around her, save the driver, was herself. The bus lurched. My old knees buckled. I hung on by sheer will. The woman pushed harder on my bum, more and more inappropriately each time.

Now, I have to tell you that I meditate. I like to meditate. It helps me stay focused. I can meditate just about anywhere these days. So I practiced breathing. Cool air in. Warm air out.

Suddenly, when the bus lurched to one of its stops, this pushy woman pushed me harder still. Without thinking, I bent down, eyeball to eyeball, and using the MOM VOICE reserved for a child about to run into the street, the voice that stops a child in his tracks, the voice full of power and force, I bellowed: "Don't. Touch. Me. Again!" Not once, but three times.

As you might imagine, the bus grew suddenly quiet. Mortified, I disembarked at the next stop.

This is not the person I want to be, I who stand for peace nearly every day.

Then I remembered. That morning, I had been too busy. I hadn't taken the time. Would I have lost my dignity and behaved so badly had I taken my five minutes?

I cannot say, but I know that on the days I stand for peace, the moment I begin to respond in anger, or feel resentment seeping into my heart over some slight, almost always I stop a moment. There is another way to approach the situation, any situation.

Standing for peace five minutes a day, as innocuous as that sounds, sets the intention to make peace in my heart for that day. It helps me to affirm that this is what my life is about, that without peace, life may be interesting, may make for some good tales, but it is definitely not satisfying.

Take big family get togethers. Now, I am not a crowd person. I am the woman at almost any party who picks up the coffee table book, finds a quiet corner, and immerses herself in the works of Monet and Renoir or the breathtaking vistas of the Grand Canyon. So when my big family gathers together, my nerves tend to be a bit on the frizzled side.

Since I'm closely related to most of these folks and know them quite well, it's fair to say that several of them are experiencing similar feelings.

My primary goal at these gatherings all too frequently is not to disgrace myself with a blow-up or a shouting match when discussions become heated. Some of us disagree passionately about politics and the value of taking political action. Sometimes our lively debates escalate to loud disagreements.

When we were younger, inevitably one person or another would become so incensed he or she would gather possessions and little ones and storm out the house and down the drive. Occasionally, I was that person. Now, we tend to be so glad to see one another, we simply avoid the topics on which we know we cannot agree.

Making peace is much more important to us these days than getting our point across. Personally, I feel a bit of a loss, because our discourse was richer when we shared opinions. The tradeoff is a good one, though. We're taking our time and enjoying the mere fact of being in one another's presence, which I adore.

Nothing, absolutely nothing matters so much as simply standing next to my sister or brother-in-law and washing vegetables or dishes while my brother and his wife and grown children chat nearby and discuss the merits of this brownie versus that oatmeal cookie. Talk about warm fuzzies!

On Mothers Day 2008 and again in 2009, I joined women and men all over the world and stood for peace for just five minutes. Although five minutes is a very short time, I was surprised to feel energized by this simple act of standing in silence for something that matters so much to me.

Standing on a sunny, windy hillside, I imagined all the other mothers and grandmothers in this country--taking time from their celebrations, some perhaps joined by their loving families--along with mothers throughout the world, standing in  silence for just five minutes.

Something clicked inside me that day, standing on that windy hill.

For a moment, I could feel the presence and hearts of women all over the planet contemplating a world without violence, a world in which no mother sent her son or daughter to fight a wealthy man's war ever again.

Around me, dogs chased balls and returned to their humans; children squealed in delight and mock fear; homeless people lay in their sleeping bags, hedged against the blustery cold by their carts and bags.

For a moment, a tiny moment, I could see the world as it might be if all of us, every last one of us, lived in harmony with the Earth and each other. Perhaps little would change in the happy bustle around me, save that there would be no disenfranchised, hungry, and poor, hunkered inside torn, filthy sleeping bags while the rest of us played and picnicked.

In those moments, alone in my stand, I felt companionship with the other mothers standing in cities around the globe, no matter how much their feet and backs hurt, no matter what else they might need to be doing, standing as I did, feeling the possibility of a world without violence.

Moved after that second stand in 2009, I decided to make standing for peace a habit.

Since then I stand for peace, one way or another, almost every day. If I cannot stand, I sit for peace. If I cannot sit, I lie down. The important thing is, I spend that five minutes, frequently more these days, visualizing a world where people everywhere--in the grocery store, at the laundromat, on the subway platform, at work and in our homes--look upon one another with kindness, perhaps with love.

I imagine soldiers laying down their weapons, torturers putting down their instruments, prison guards opening the doors, gangbangers making a pile of their knives and guns.

I imagine child abusers suddenly so filled with love they cannot lift another finger in harm.

I imagine the bankers on Wall Street opening their doors, loosening the nooses round their necks, and running into the streets, arms filled with flowers.

Some might call it a silly dream. I know. Still, I imagine it.

I don't care if violence seems rampant in every town, city and country. Well, that's not true. I care very deeply. What I mean by that statement is that I won't let the hatred and suffering stop me from visioning another way.

The first step to change is to envision something better.

In that five minutes, standing for peace, I imagine the entire world bathed in peace, that not one human being ever lift a voice or a hand with intent to do harm against another; that we live in harmony with the Earth whose bounty we enjoy; that we live in harmony with each other, in whose talents and skills we might take ever more delight, exploiting none.

And yes, in that five minutes I say a prayer.

I ask for healing for all of us. That our hearts might be healed, our broken spirits mended, our souls restored. That we might laugh more than cry, might dance more than fight, and might smile more than snap.



As an advocate for peace, praying for hearts to be healed and love to fill the spaces between us, I am keenly aware that a momentary lapse into anger is nothing short of hypocrisy. I fail plenty.

Times at home, I have erupted like Vesuvius when my nerves were frazzled and my sweetie said just the wrong thing at just the wrong time. I am not proud of those moments.

On the other hand, I have no desire to be Saint Kathryn. Like the first pic on this page says, sometimes badly behaved women get done what the rest of us cannot.

But when I stand for peace, every one of my indiscretions comes back to me. How can I possibly expect the warriors of the world to lay down their arms if I am unwilling to find a peaceful way to respond to petty annoyances? Standing for peace means holding myself accountable for the way I treat people in my every day life.

That near-daily action keeps me focused on creating peace where I am, in this moment. The more effective I become in handling the little things, the better prepared I am to handle the bigger incidents, such as reputation-threatening encounters at work.

I'm retired and haven't worked in the office since I began standing for peace five minutes a day, so I can only imagine how my worklife might have changed. What I can share with you is a story of one way I made peace with a co-worker I called The Screamer. Very likely, I would do exactly the same in a similar situation today.

One resource helped me more than any other in a stressful and difficult work environment. I lucked upon a fabulous book several years before I retired: Work as Spiritual Practice, by Lewis Richmond. If your work life is troubled, I recommend it highly. Not only is it an easy read, in common, everyday language, and not proselytizing, the tools and tips are extraordinarily simple and easy to employ in almost any situation. Best of all, they work!

So that's all fine, right? Petty annoyances and everyday ruditities, as an old friend used to refer to brash, thoughtless actions, can be re-tuned before harm is done as often--perhaps more often--than not. My family and I have matured over the years and learned how to negotiate the land mines in our relationships without tripping them. We can use peacemaking tools to improve a difficult situation at work. All fine.

What about, ahem, World Peace.

You're absolutely right about that last bit. My standing for peace hasn't changed World Peace or World Violence for that matter, one iota, far as I can tell. Nor will I be able to discern any difference until there is such a swelling of people who are making a difference in their lives and in their neck of the woods, that even our jaded national news media finally has to talk more about peace than about war, because that's where the news is.

Can it happen? I think so. Below, I provide a list of people and organizations who are working to this very end. It won't come even a smidgen close to being a comprehensive list because there are so many. Isn't that wonderful? Way too many organizations and lone individuals working for peace to include in a short list on a page like this.

They are legion, the people working for peace. It's not sexy. Mario isn't going to do a segment on Extra about them. Unlikely any of them will make World News with Diane Sawyer, either. Most quietly go about their work, building networks, saving lives, creating peace wherever they go.

One day, there just may be more peace workers than warriors. That's the world I hope to leave to my grandchildren. Here are just a few that inspire and motivate me.

• The Peace Alliance advocates and educates for peace through the following initiatives.
  
  • U.S. Department of Peace campaign
  • Youth Promise Action
  • The Faces of Peace
• Four Years Go is dedicated to "shift humanity’s course toward a just, fulfilling and sustainable future by the end of 2014." At this writing, on Saturday, November 5, 2011, 13,061 individuals and 1,420 organizations worldwide have pledged to work toward making this shift. Read dozens of inspiring stories on the 4YG blog.
• Seeds of Peace trains young people in conflict areas to work toward reconciliation and coexistence. Their primary focus today is in the Middle East and South Asia.
• Codepink seeks to halt United States war actions and redirect those funds into creating jobs, providing health care and education and "other life-affirming activities."
• Alice Walker, my personal hero, has worked for peace her entire life. There is a whole world, centuries of our world, in her books and poetry. Follow her blog and be continuously uplifted and inspired.
• Elisabet Sahtouris, evolution biologist and futurist tells a compelling tale of global transformation to come in The Butterfly Story. If you're like me, you'll want to spend hours on her web site, listening, absorbing, understanding what our world can be like, what so many peacemakers, dreamers and, as she calls us, imaginal cells, are creating.

That's just a few. There are so many more!

One of the ways I make peace in my life, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or have made a big fool of myself, as in the bus story above, is to do this easy ten minute meditation. You can do it anywhere.

You don't need any special equipment. A timer is helpful, though. If you don't set a timer, it's easy to relax into the meditation for longer than ten minutes!

What are you doing to make peace today? Tell us your stories right here, in the comment section below. If you have a lot to say about it, consider making a Wizzley page of your own. It is so easy!