"Jo!"
I'm out in the street, so it's a wonder that I heard my name being called at all. But there's a lull in the traffic and I'm away from the main pedestrian hubs.
The urgency in the tone alerts me to the fact that this probably isn't the first time that she's called me. There's psychological pressure on me to find her fast. I don't want to appear impolite.
Single-sided deafness means that I have no direction of sound, but I do have eyes. I quickly scan the road ahead of me to no avail. Then I turn around, looking until I spot the source. It's my friend and she's waving from the doorstep of her house. "Finally, you deaf cow! Come and have a cuppa. I've got news!"
I wander across the road, taking care to look for traffic. I can hear vehicles, but have no way of knowing if they're approaching or moving away. The only way to gauge their distance is to see them.
Once through the front door, I'm engulfed in a cacophony of noise. There's no depth to it, just a flat wall of sound seeming all to derive from my left side. (I'm deaf in my right ear.) The television is on. A soap opera blares out a constant stream of words, which clash and merge with those spoken by the other two people in the room.
My friend has possibly said something. I don't know. She's gestured towards the settee and that subconscious bit of body language has provided me with a clue. I'm being invited to sit down, while she disappears into the kitchen. This is a British home. She will be making a cup of tea to demonstrate how welcome I am in her home.
I feel disorientated, because it's hard to think with that white noise distracting me. My instinct is to switch the television off and yell at everyone to shut up. But etiquette demands the opposite reaction.
I'm to be on red alert. I'm to watch every person present, in case their attention or moving lips indicates that they have spoken. Unfortunately, that focus often prompts people into conversation. I'm now lip-reading and watching their non-verbal communication.
All the time, the noise feels like something physical to be warded away. It comes and goes. Just one source of sound is fine. I can hear it. As soon as there are two, it's like I've been slapped. The television and conversation over the top is the most common situation in which I have to suffer this.
Her husband has a beard and mustache. I cannot see his lips moving, though his gaze and the laughter of his teenage son tell me that I'm ignoring him. I feel like a stuck record, repeating this every time I'm here, but out it comes again, "I'm sorry. I'm deaf in one ear. What did you say?"
Whatever the response was, it must have been funny. It was probably a light-hearted joke about deafness. People are full of those. It breaks the tension, which so many seem to feel at the prospect of silence. He reaches forward for the remote control and I catch his broad smile. He wants to be helpful. He switches on the subtitles, so I can watch the television too.
And the noise goes on. Too much of it and I feel silently dizzy. I'm getting a headache from having to concentrate so hard. I start sentences with an apology, because I missed the thread of the conversation. It's not just the volume. It's not just the sound. It's the sheer scale of it all, like an assault, when they're all trying to be so welcoming.
Comments
I have no medical knowledge as to why this may be the case, but I can empathize. I find that I can't hear my voice, so I do have people telling me that I'm too loud or too quiet. It's so hard to find that middle ground, isn't it?
There's also the fact that all that background noise is very disorienting. I wonder if that confusion causes our brains to interrupt our speech patterns. I'm going to ask around my medical friends and see if anyone has an answer.
Hi Jo, When I am in an environment with a lot of background noise I often find it difficult to control my speech. I sometimes start slurring words. I am curious if that is a result of my SSD. Do you have any insight? Thanks. Bill
*high fives* I'm deaf in the same ear! That makes us buddies from the off-set. <3
What's it like with the implants? I've never been offered them, so I don't even know if they would work for me.
And yes, so much confusion out in the hearing world over SSD. People know what to do with deafness or hearing, but not with that moveable feast in the middle.
I was born completely deaf in my right ear, so I relate to this a lot! I would love to experience sound direction. It's such a foreign concept to me!
I'm now 26, but when I was 19 I got 'CROS' hearing aids for the first time. Last year I traded those in for a BAHA bone conduction implant (similar to a cochlear implant). I feel like a Borg from Star Trek haha! (or Bionic Woman). I still have days like the scenarios above, but less so since I got hearing aids. I totally agree with you, Jo Harrington when you say you've never seen SSD portrayed in media/tv before. A lot of people don't even know it exists.
Scroll up, Brenda. I've just made a badge for your daughter. *smirk* (Under the heading 'Buttons for Promoting Awareness of Single-Sided Deafness'.)
Mira - Yes! You've hit the nail on the head. That's what's so bad about being told or signaled at to lower your voice. It's like controlling a dog or something.
Brenda - Oh! The 'lower your voice' hand sign or sushing! I can totally emphasize with her on that one. It's mortifying! You want to either crawl up into a ball or scream at them to stop setting the volume at their level.
I tend to go very, very quiet afterwards. Partially because I don't trust myself not to scream at the person telling me to lower my voice; and partially because I now know that I'm speaking too loudly.
That hand-signal or comment is a way of making us mute as well as deaf.
My advice? Tell her work-mates to take deaf awareness classes. It'll do much more good than ASL for a SSD person in hearing company. The problem is not with her.
My two cents would be for you to gently brush her upper arm. It's a softer signal, and one that makes most people feel better, too. I think the hand signal is maybe too strong and shows more power, as if you can will the other to lower their voice and they will have to obey. Again, don't take my word for all this, but maybe talk to her about finding a gesture she'd be comfortable with.
We found out our daughter had SSD in her right ear when they tested her in kindergarten. Now she has tinnitus as well. She is now 26 years old and still has issues at her work place. She has explained to her fellow workers that she was born without her cochlea.
My daughter and I had a conversation the other day about her workplace. She was upset that her co-workers just don't get why she is so LOUD and that she can't tell how loud she is. They suggested she take ASL. Well, what good is that when they don't understand this language! I asked her if someone could use a signal such as to lower her voice with their hand. She said that infuriates her when they do this.
Does anybody have any ideas how to help my daughter with her loudness. I understand why she is loud but I don't want to offend her either with hand signals.
I would certainly get behind that suggestion!
I don't think I've ever seen unilateral hearing on a single television show. It's not really rock and roll enough for a sitcom. LOL
I wish that you were in charge of all school curriculae.