What Not To Do On A First Date

Good, bad or indifferent, don't talk about your most recent ex.  Whatever you say will make your date think about how you end relationships instead of thinking about starting one with you.

There's also the chance your date will think you aren't over the ex and have a lot of baggage.

If you have been divorced for a long time and are on good terms with that ex, possibly sharing custody, that's okay to talk about, especially if your date is in the same situation.  It shows that you are the kind of person who puts your child first and can be amicable with your former spouse.  

Don't complain or whine about any ex.  Talk about a turn off!  First dates are for getting to know each other and having a good time.  If you start complaining about everything right away your date will think that's all there is to your personality, and how much fun is that?  Would you want to go out with someone who complains a lot?  No you wouldn't.

This is just common sense.  Don't go anywhere with anyone you don't know if you don't have a way to get out of the situation.

Chances are your date is a good person, but save the alone time for down the road.  If they are worth dating again there will be plenty of time for that later.

These days so many people are meeting people online, and as much as you think you can get to know someone via the web, you really can't.  They may be putting on an act or saying the same things to 100 different people hoping any one of them will take the bait.

I recently had a blind date.  I didn't know a thing about him except his first name, and that's all he knew about me.  A dear friend set us up so I figured the guy would be "safe" but I still made sure we met in a public place and early enough in the evening that I could leave if he turned out to be a creep.  We met for afterwork drinks and my plan was to make an excuse to leave before we went out to dinner if he was icky or stay for dinner if he was okay.

Always meet in public and have a plan to leave if you sense anything odd.  Don't worry about hurting their feelings if you want to get out of the situation.  You'll never see them again anyway so who cares.

Just don't.  For a lot of reasons.

First, you want to be the kind of person they will want to introduce to their parents, not someone they think will sleep with everyone they go out with on the first date.  If you sleep with them on the first date they'll think you'll sleep with everyone on the first date.

Second, no matter how amazing the connection is, control yourself.  If you have a great connection it will be there for a while.  No need to rush into anything.  Plus, no matter how strong the connection you have to remember that this person is actually a stranger and you really don't know that much about them.  If you go home with them you could be getting into a dangerous situation.

Also, give your date something to look forward to.  If you put everything out there at the beginning there's nothing to pursue.  Both men and women like the chase.  One guy I was totally in to (and he me) wouldn't let me kiss him goodnight on the second date.  It just made me want to kiss him more and anticipating kissing him on the next date made me smile on the days between.

You need to listen too.  A first date is for getting to know someone and if the impression you give is that you always talk and never listen, well that's all your date will see.  Not exactly long term relationship potential, eh?

I get that you may be nervous and maybe talking a bit too much, but remember to stop and let your date tell stories and really listen to them.  

Also, don't turn everything around so it relates to you.  If your date tells a story about something don't immediately tell a story about yourself and that same thing.  All that tells someone is that when they are talking you aren't listening to them you are thinking about what you will say next.  They will appreciate people who listen.

It's okay to share fun coincidences, like if you love the same band or have mutual friends.  One time a date was talking about how excited he was that they were making his favorite candy bar again.  Amazingly, I just happened to have one of those in my purse.  He was absolutely stunned when I pulled it out and showed him.  Little moments like that are awesome.

It is just the first date.  You can really scare someone off if you jump way ahead into a relationship when they are still trying to decide if they want even a second date with you.

Even if all the planets align and you two have a magical night, it was still only one date.  Don't pick out your wedding dress just yet.  

Wait until you've been out a few times before you even consider starting a relationship with someone.  You may think you have found the one, and it's great if you did, but take it slow.  Don't change your Facebook status to in a relationship and start planning how many kids you will have after one date.

You can leave anytime you want.  If your date is giving you a strange vibe it's perfectly okay to leave.

If you are not interested, go home.  Trust your intuition.  

And don't feel obligated to keep in touch with them or go out again if you don't want to.  Move on.

True story:

One first date I had was going along nicely.  Not great but not bad enough to leave.  As we were having dinner, the guy said, completely out of the blue, "I learned everything I know about dating from Charlie Harper on 2½ Men".  Huh?  I didn't even know how to respond to that and he didn't pick up on how uncomfortable I became.  He should have told me he was joking (whether he was or wasn't) but instead he told me how much he loved that show.  Wow.

I politely declined a second date.

If you find you've made a slip of the lip don't panic but do acknowlege it.  Set your date at ease.

I know I said 10 tips but there's another one, don't take any calls or text.

Show your date you are into them by turning off your phone.  The only call you should take is if it's your babysitter and make sure to excuse yourself from the table to take it.  You can make your date really uncomfortable by talking to someone else while they are just sitting there waiting while you have a silly conversation with a friend.

If someone texts you just ignore it until the date is over.  A little politeness goes a long way.

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