You Get What You Settle For

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” -Carlos Castaneda

Many people think they don't deserve a good life.  That happiness is for other people but not them.  That's stupid.

The truth is, you deserve to be happy as much as anyone else.  The only thing stopping you is that voice in your head that tells you you can't.  You can do better, you can have better things and relationships, you can have financial freedom, you can have a happier family, you can have all the things you want.

You choose to settle for less.  Maybe you just don't know you deserve the best, that happens to a lot of people.  As we're growing up we hear "no" a lot.  In fact we hear it a lot more that we hear "yes".  Many people take that into their adult life and use it as an excuse to be unhappy.  But guess what, you're a grown-up now.  It's time to change that running loop of can't in our heads because, in fact, you can.

Have you ever looked at your spouse and thought, what the heck was I thinking marrying you?  It happens to a lot of people.

While most of us marry for love, or love we feel at the time, many people wake up one day and realize that their spouse is the absolute wrong person for them.

Maybe their spouse beats or berates them, maybe their spouse abuses their children mentally, maybe one person grows and the other doesn't, maybe there is pressure from extended family to stay.  Maybe the love is gone.

Why would anyone stay in a marriage that does nothing but drag them down?  Life is short, why bother with a crappy marriage?  Simple, most people settle.  Guess what, if you're settling for a spouse who isn't right for you, chances are your spouse is doing the same thing.  Do you really want to be in a relationship where your significant other thinks you're simply someone to settle for?

A great deal of people think they can't do any better, or that they can't make it on their own, or that a bad marriage is a good example for their children, etc.  Many people figure it's better to settle for a bad marriage.

Simply put, If you settle for a bad relationship, that's all you'll ever have.  Don't dream about a better life because you'll never have it because you aren't demanding a better relationship.  Settle for a bad life and that's what you'll get, expect and only accept a better life and that's what you'll get.  It's basic math.

I know things are tough in this economy and people are try to get any job they can.  If all you can get right now is a job that barely pays the bills I completely understand.  As long as you are trying to get something better because you know you deserve better, this part isn't for you.

This part is for the people who come home from work and complain about their job but don't do anything to change it.  

You are settling for a job that you really don't want.  Why?  And why drag everyone down by complaining about it all the time?  You must be a lot of fun to live with.

The fact is, you deserve a great job.  If you aren't satisfied with your current job you've certainly wondered why some people can have a job they love and you can't.  What's the difference between you and them?  Nothing, except they don't settle for what they don't want and you do.

You can come up with a bunch of reasons why you can't get a better job I'm sure, but how many of those reasons are really, actually, truly valid?  When you get honest with yourself, maybe look at your situation from the outside as how a stranger views it, what is the real truth?  The truth is that you can be happy in all facets of your life, including your job.  It's up to you to fix it, nobody else.

Settle for a job you hate and that's all you'll have for the rest of your life.  You are better than that.

You are only fat because you choose to be.  Full stop.

I hear SO MANY excuses as to why people overeat, and I believe about 1% of them.  Excuses like genetics and such are just that, excuses.  For example, in the US, 36% of adults are obese, not just overweight, but obese.  That would mean, using the genetics excuse, that 36% of Americans have always been obese.  But that isn't true is it?  Were cavemen obese (for those who believe in evolution, creationists can substitute Noah's family)?  Of course not.  It's even silly to think about.

Chances are if you come from a fat family it's behavior not genes.  You can certainly fix that can't you?

Wizzley author Katiem2 has written a great article on this which I recommend reading: Am I Obsessed With My Weight.  It's about really looking at yourself and taking responsibility.  I personally know people who are overweight and have no clue that they are.  I'm not talking 10 pounds overweight, I mean life-threateningly overweight and they are in complete denial about it.

Obesity is an eating disorder that will, not can, will kill you.  Why are you settling for that?  Time to really look at why you abuse food.  Don't settle for that kind of life.

You can see where I'm going with this.  Anything in your life that you don't want but don't change, you are settling for.

If there are things you want to change or fix, do it!  Maybe it's quitting smoking or spending more time with your children or being your own boss... don't settle for less.

You deserve to be happy and nothing less.  You really do get what you settle for and it's up to you to set the boundaries.  If you leave it up to the fates or other people you'll never be happy.  Demand more from your life and your life will only be better.

-brl

Certified Life Coach

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