10 Tips: How to Understand Your Husband

by happynutritionist

Marriage can be a tricky business. I've done it for 35+ years. I, a woman, am trying to interpret ten tips given by a man with sincerity and a bit of humor.

To start, you have to know that these 10 marriage tips were written by a man. And I, a woman, am trying to make sense of them.

It all started when I received a "forwarded" email with marriage tips, stating that they were written by a man. Generally I don't care for email forwards, but this one caught my eye, and I'm having a little fun with it here...and hoping to provide some helpful information at the same time.

The email was meant to be funny, but I have to admit some of the things made me think...I picked those ones especially. As I thought about them, I realized they really do help us understand how our husbands think. They don't think in the same way that we do in many areas...no matter how much we wish they did.

AND HUSBANDS reading this, don't leave, you may also learn a thing or two, or have something to share that will help us.

I'll include a chance for you to share how these things make you feel...and hope both men and women will respond, as it may just be an eye-opening experience!

In the email, the man who supposedly wrote this list numbered all of the items #1, saying they are all equally important...well as a woman, I hope he'll forgive me should he ever see this, as I'm going to mess with that a bit and number my favorites 1-10.

Content by Claudia Meydrech a/k/a happynutritionist
New on Wizzley September 2014 Updated 7/17/15

1. Men Are Not Mind Readers

We wish they were, expect them to be, but they are not.

The interesting thing is that as women, we think that we can hint at things, or act a certain way to get our message across. But that's not how it works, our men need us to be direct with them. It's not because they are dumb, it's just how their minds work.

Woman tend to manipulate things rather than just come right out with it...now don't get mad at me, think about it, we are manipulative sometimes, aren't we? I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule, but generally this is true. Don't agree? Head down to the discussion section of this page and tell me what you think.

Communication Miracles

They are called miracles for a reason, sometimes it doesn't come naturally
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective To...

2. Learn to Work the Toilet Seat

"Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down."

That's what our friend said in the email, and he does have a point, don't you think?

We all feel like we own the place when it comes to our home, and that the other partner should bend to the way we want things to be. If you are like me, a homemaker, you may be even more inclined to think this way because we're at home many more hours of the day than our husbands, unless your both retired.

So it stands to reason that for the hours they are home in a week, we should be able to compromise in some areas, like whether a toilet seat is up or down, the cloths are on the floor and not in the laundry basket, and any number of little things that we have to work together on through communication.

The Marriage Saving Toilet Seat

Now if you have yourself a real serious problem, like getting up in the night and find yourself sitting on the cold rim of the toilet, or worse, then maybe you need a solution, and this looks like a pretty good one
iTouchless White Round Touch-Free Sensor Controlled Autom...

I squirm a bit even as I type this, as there are always areas that need improving when it comes to things like this.

3. Crying Doesn't Work

"Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!"

This one had me puzzled, as I am not one to fake it when it comes to crying. If I cry, I really mean it. It usually happens when I'm hurt, but never when I'm trying to get something from my husband, I don't think? Unless sympathy counts?

But it does fit right in with #1, and possibly this whole page, the need for proper communication in marriage.

4. Men are Problem Solvers

"Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

There really is some truth in that, perhaps a lot of truth. Men tend to be problem solvers. They aren't necessarily interested in hearing our sad tales of woe. As women, it's good for us to understand that not all men are "in touch with their feminine side", even if we wish they were.

Men will hear a problem, and offer an immediate solution to fix it, even if all we want is for them to feel sorry for us, or comfort us. It's an area men can grow in, but until that happens, it's good to have compassionate trustworthy girlfriends that you can confide in, and good to understand that this is just how many husbands are.

5. We Don't Always Mean to Hurt You

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."

I have to admit I'm a little skeptical of this one, I understand what he's trying to say, but it's hard for me to believe my husband is never, ever saying something to cause hurt.

"Always" is a key word here, it means that sometimes hurt could be intended.

But the general idea is that more often than not, the man who wrote this thinks that we as woman misinterpret their intentions. This is another issue related to communication, probably one of the most challenging parts of any marriage.

Click for image credit, used with permission

Discussion: Give Us a Piece of Your Mind

This is a chance to share your two cents or more about any of the tips above and below. If you agree with one or more, but think you'd like to add more info or share, this is your chance. If you disagree, share that too, and tell us why.
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I agree with tip #______, and here's why:
CruiseReady on 07/07/2015

I agree with Number 4 (for the most part)
IMO, this is where women need to be a little more like men. Forget the ruminating, and just fix it!

Telesto on 09/19/2014

Tip #1. I don't think this only applies in marriage, I think it applies in the workplace too. You have to tell people what's on your mind, but tactfully.

WordChazer on 09/18/2014

3. Crying doesn't work. If I cry, my husband knows things are pretty dire and there are some things I've not been telling him. As a well trained man, the toilet seat is not moot. It goes up when he uses it and goes down when he has finished. In that respect, his mother taught him well.

Sylvestermouse on 09/17/2014

I especially agree with tip #4! I am constantly taking to my husband about thinks that are going on or happening in my life. I mean to just be sharing, but he is all about "fixing" whatever is wrong.


Let's take a break and laugh at ourselves!

A funny look at understanding men -vs- women

We saw most if not all of the series I'm sharing a part of in the video below at a church we were attending in the past and it was a riot! I hope you enjoy this video from "Laugh Your Way to a Happy Marriage" - it is painfully funny and offers good advice.

(NOTE: If you are really struggling with a painful marriage, you may feel he's going overboard with the humor, and this may not be for you...and my heart goes out to you.)

A Tale of Two Brains - Men's vs Women's Brain

This is hysterical!

More information about the Mark Gunger DVD's and Books

Mark Gungor: Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage - DVD

Thanks to the hilarious, practical and no-holds-barred advice from Mark Gungor, the dynamics of marriages are changing all over North America. Creator of the popular Laugh Your ...

View on Amazon

Mark Gungor: Tale of Two Brains - DVD

It's one thing to understand men and women in general - it's another thing to understand the one you got stuck with! In this highly-entertaining DVD, national marriage expert, M...

View on Amazon

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets to Life, Love, and Marriage

Based on Mark Gungor's wildly popular seminar, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage® builds on Gungor's success with tens of thousands of couples who credit him with enriching, a...

View on Amazon

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage Small Group Study

This is a book for couples to read, a workbook with questions, ideas and topics that will come up to help set expectations to enjoy a long and healthy relationship.

View on Amazon

6. Ask...or Do It Yourself

"You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

Okay, this is fair. I am known to ask for something to be done, then to give advice on how it should be done, or criticize after because things don't turn out the way I hoped. Sometimes I should consider how tired my husband must be after working all day, and ask the right thing at the right time without complaining, or learn to do some things myself.

Can you tell I'm Passionate about Marraige?

This is 50 Article Challenge Inspired

I chose this subject to write about as part of a challenge called the "Wizzley 50 Article Challenge" created by JoHarrington.

It was suggested that we indulge our passion with one of our articles, and that's just what I'm doing here.

My marriage is a commitment, and I'm passionate about fulfilling it, and passionate about my husband too.

"Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials".

This is a real big issue in our home. When hubby comes home from work, we sit down to dinner right away, and since the children are grown, watch TV while we eat. I want to talk about the day, he wants to "chill" after a long day at work, eat, and watch TV.

We've come to a fairly good compromise. When we had cable, we used a DVR with Tivo, and could stop programs as they are playing or that have been recorded to talk using our remotes, then start them up again where we left off.

When we ditched cable for antenna TV and Roku, the challenge returned when we watched via HD Antenna because you can't pause live TV watched the old fashioned way, but we can pause the things that we watch on Roku.

I try to be understanding when he comes home to relax with dinner and TV time, and give him his space.

7. Talk to me during Commercials ----->

This is how we watch TV, saves a lot of money, another common issue in marriage
Amplified HD Digital Outdoor HDTV Antenna with Motorized ...
Roku 3 Streaming Media Player

8. Men Don't Ask for Directions

"Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we."

Here's another pet peeve of mine. When we are traveling, hubby never stops to ask for directions.

I'm not sure whether this is a matter of pride or just how men are, they are geared toward figuring things out, and would rather try to figure it out than ask, I guess.

It has helped some to have a GPS, but sometimes getting to where we are going, especially if I'm supposed to be navigating, can really test our patience with one another.

9. Ask the Right Questions

"If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear."

Or how about this - "Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports."

That first question really makes me think, what kind of questions could the writer be referring to, "Do you think I look fat?", "Can I go spend $500 on shoes?" I really don't know.

As for the second question, woman often think "below the surface", more deeply about things. When we ask "what are you thinking", 

it's often not just to generate conversation (though it can be), but because we want to communicate on a deeper level. So I think what our friend is trying to get across is that we shouldn't be disappointed if their response is a surface one.

I don't know much about sports, so I wouldn't be able to communicate back with a husband interested in talking sports, but maybe I can learn...and maybe our husbands can learn to communicate on a deeper level under the right circumstances.

10. What About Sex and Money?

I'm a little suspicious

I'm a little suspicious, because sex was never mentioned once in the list I received by email. Either someone deleted it thinking that it wasn't appropriate, or the list was actually written by a woman...it's a rare man who wouldn't include something about sex in a list of this kind.

Oh, and money too, sex, communication and money are said to be among the top issues that trouble our marriages. Most men would put sex at the top of their list of what is important to them, most woman would not. And yes, there are exceptions to the rule.

Closing thoughts for those who have been hurt

My heart really does go out to those who have extremely difficult marriages that are ongoing or have ended due to abuse or unfaithfulness in marriage. This is a time for more drastic measures than I have offered on this page. I hope that you are finding healing and good sources of help and comfort.

Updated: 07/17/2015, happynutritionist
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happynutritionist on 07/15/2015

You are right about that...most of us are anxious to be heard or to express our own views rather than listen to others, male or female.

frankbeswick on 07/09/2015

Communication involves both speaking and listening. It is the latter that is defective in many relationships, for it is harder to listen than to speak; it is easier to open your mouth than to open your ears.

happynutritionist on 07/09/2015

@CruiseReady I do agree with you, women can be "guilty" of some of these things as well. I don't know whether it is because many women are bread winners or that we are just as human as men :-)

CruiseReady on 07/07/2015

Very cool article, quite enjoyable to read. However, I think that some of your female readers my find that a few of the points apply in the reverse. That's true in our marriage. Wonder if it's because some women are the main bread winners these days?

happynutritionist on 12/11/2014

@WriterArtist All of what you share is true, and adds to the content of this page. Thank you.

WriterArtist on 11/25/2014

Communication is the key to solving many relationships provided both parties are read to listen. In extreme cases, no party is ready to hear the other side, they think that they are right. I can understand how difficult it is to salvage the marriage especially if anyone happens to have a big "EGO".
Than, there are serious issues like physical abuse and blackmailing. Other than that, I feel it is possible to save the marriage. Thanks for all the tips - they are very relevant and helpful for people who are at least open to listen.

happynutritionist on 09/19/2014

@Telesto I would be lost constantly if I didn't have a GPS :-) And yes, I agree, we all have feelings, and need to know how to express them and understand one another in the midst of them. Thanks for your visit!

Telesto on 09/19/2014

#6 applies at work too. And #8, well, I don't ask directions either. I've been known to drive for an additional hour so I didn't have to. Of course, I do always find my way back, as I am part bloodhound. And I now have a SatNav. I think the important thing is, men have feelings too.

WordChazer on 09/18/2014

My husband's study is also stuffed with stuff but that is mainly because MY stuff takes over the loft space he used to have. Calling eBay, help, please...where am I likely to be spending the next few weekends now that the nights are drawing in a bit?! Battling arachnids in the loft in order to get to more crates of clutter to sell so that my husband and I can have more space, less clutter and more money.

Alleycatlane on 09/18/2014

Enjoyed your article. All it is is so true. That video was hysterical.

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