"Am I An Energy Vampire?" See If You Might Be

by frugalrvers

At different periods in our lives, many of us can become energy vampires - which can be draining to those around us. Are you an energy vampire? Read more to find out!

I would say, given the extreme life challenges I've faced for the past few decades, there were times I would consider myself to have been an energy vampire. But as I got older, I recognized how draining it could be not only to myself but to those around me.

I recognized that living a life as "victim" did nothing to bring me peace or joy in this already crazy world. Though we all have "one of those days" I cannot emphasize how much better I feel - how liberating it is - to approach the glass as half full now.

Energy Vampires At Work, Home, Play...Everywhere!

Do You See Any Of These Characteristics In Yourself?

There are all types of energy vampires out there, though commonly one thinks of the constantly negative friend or coworker when thinking of an energy vampire. They can be any age, any gender and their negative influence can take many forms.

Most commonly you will encounter these various types of personalities when dealing with those who continually rob your energy when in your presence...even by phone! They won't have all of these traits, but these are some of those commonly found:

  • Constant victim - always living in the past
  • Cannot let go of anger - always seems mad at the world, even a small negative encounter with a stranger is dwelt upon all day
  • Blames others for misfortunes in life
  • Can have very low self-esteem or appear the opposite (egocentric)
  • Talks incessantly about self but little interest in what others have to say/cannot get a word in edgewise
  • Overly dramatic or exaggerates truth
  • Can appear to need drama - if all is calm, stirs things up
  • Always really "up" or "down"

Again, these are just some characteristics of energy vampires you might see in yourself or those around you. Be sure to take the brief ENERGY VAMPIRE QUIZ later in this article!


Ode To Energy Vampires Everywhere

(13x19) Watch Your Thoughts Motivational Poster

Energy Vampires Symptoms - To Know You've Been Drained

There are energy vampire signs that help you detect vampirism in your relationship(s). Certainly, on a daily basis, we encounter people on the street, in stores and elsewhere that may be negative...but our time with them is short and, in emotionally healthy individuals, we are able to let it go and move on - not dwell on the brief encounter.

But in relationships where we are in contact with the energy vampire frequently, these feelings inside of you are what to look for:

  • You tense up when they approach you in person or by phone.
  • Your mind searches for an escape route instead of listening to their words.
  • You try to avoid contact with the person or make excuses to not be around him/her.
  • You feel achy or emotionally exhausted once you are done speaking with them.
  • Your mood plummets after communication has ceased.

In general, if your body and mind feel quite beat up after an encounter, it is likely that the person in the relationship fits the profile of energy vampires.


These 20 quick questions are a great tool to see if you might just be a member of the energy vampires club! Click Link

RESULTS Of Energy Vampire Quiz

Energy Vampires Protection Tips

Protection From Energy Vampires Is Essential To Your Emotional Health

In some cases, you have a choice as to whether to have the energy vampire in your life. The trickiest times, however, are when you have no options (coworker, boss, family member) but to find a way to protect yourself in these forced relationships.

I made the difficult decisions years ago of letting a "friend" go after her energy vampire tendencies became too much to bear. She was in her fifties, very fit and attractive, funny when not dark (which was rare). Over the years, even her children became estranged from her, because she was exhausting. She found fault in everyone, couldn't keep a job long because she detested every person and policy, she had no friend except me anymore. She had many divorces and finally wrote men off for good. She would "joke" constantly with the expression "it's all about me" - and believe me, it was. There were times I needed a friend to talk to, but she was never it...diverting the topic onto something to do with her. She was a constant victim and blamed the world for every misfortune, taking no steps to ever change her destiny. For someone so externally beautiful, inside her heart was nothing but darkness and ugliness. I finally ended our friendship because of the constant drain.

In cases where you cannot make the difficult decision to walk away (which is recommended when you can do so), you will have to change yourself. You cannot expect to get through to the other person or put your energy into changing him/her. Here are tips on how to handle energy vampires you are stuck with:

  • Think positive during their negativity - focus on all you are thankful for.
  • Feel empathy or sorrow that the energy vampire is missing out on so much joy in life, which puts your mind in control of the situation instead of being held captive in negativity.
  • You have to be firm. This isn't about criticizing or arguing, it is about having to stop being a polite hostage and saying "I have to go" and "I have work to do" and, of course, "no."

As a sidenote, be sure you aren't drawing energy vampires into you. If you yourself have a tendency to need to vent, hold onto anger, complain...you might just be drawing them in as a place to dump out all of your negativity.

Judith Orloff Energy Vampires

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I've Seen Both Sides Of An Energy Vampire

With decades of dealing with an emotionally abusive ex, losing family members including unexpectedly losing my mom one year ago, it is easy to see how we ourselves can slip into being energy vampires sometimes. There are times my own negative experiences have made me mad at the world, dwelling on inequity and unfairness, cementing my feet into the role of a victim. I've burdened those around me with what I've termed "Eeyore Syndrome" - a constant downer to be around.

But I did have perception to step out of this dynamic when I would find myself in it. It is not hopeless! Once you start recognizing your mind leading you backwards instead of forwards, down instead of up, you can turn the Titanic around.

I've changed so much, for the better. I am really learning to let go of the past. I see changes in my life, even loss, as ones that can help me grow and become a better person (life is a school, whatever will be, will be). I've stopped fighting this life and have just found my own little piece to appreciate and savor while I'm here. It is ok to feel sad and cry when bad things happen, it is essential to smile and laugh with the good.

In addition, I've ensured that I am as protected from energy vampires as possible. I walk away from those who are chronically negative where possible to do so. I feel empathy instead of anger toward those who would try to drag me down under the water with them. My world isn't perfect and still has many challenges with family and loss to contend with - but I can overcome these challenges because I've made peace with this life and am just trying living in the moment.

Updated: 04/02/2016, frugalrvers
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Energy Vampire Comments

frugalrvers on 06/19/2013

Thank you for your compliments and comments! Glad you did well on the poll :)

Lilysnape on 06/16/2013

A really good, thought provoking article. In the poll I am glad to say I was not an energy vampire.

frugalrvers on 01/07/2013

Thanks for your comment! Thought that poll was fun. My husband and I both took it and we each weren't considered energy vampires...which made us laugh and think...what if a couple BOTH score high? Maybe they cancel each other out? :) Take care!

RebeccaE on 01/07/2013

an excellent poll, and the twenty questions link was neat, I didn't think it would show me as much information as it did.

frugalrvers on 01/07/2013

Thanks so much for your kind, thoughtful comment! You put it so well...we look externally to recognize problems, then come back to self to heal and protect ourselves. Too bad it isn't as simple as garlic, to keep energy vampires away! :)

Rose on 01/07/2013

I loved this article. Very thoughtful, helps us think of who we are around, but then sends us back to ourselves for healing. The truth is that we all could be guilty of the Eeyore Syndrome! The books and resources you provided seemed very interesting too.

frugalrvers on 01/06/2013

Thank you for such a sweet, complimentary comment! You are right, protecting ourselves is the most important thing we can do - for emotional and physical health.

RubyHelenRose on 01/06/2013

Protecting ourselves is the key, what a great read, thanks for this helpful information to keep my energy going strongly.

frugalrvers on 01/02/2013

Lana, you may consider yourself a hermit physically...but you are anything but a hermit socially (online)! You are funny, honest, direct (love that), helpful and warm to others. Glad you aren't burdened with energy vampires in your life!

Ragtimelil on 01/02/2013

I'm pretty much a hermit anyway so I really don't want to spend my time with energy drainers.

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