How Best To Build A Relationship

by Cagsil

Many people get into relationships without thinking twice about what it encompasses. Someone shows an interest in you and next thing you know you're in a relationship. Bad move.

The kind of relationship people are looking for is unknown because it's based on each person's individual perception and expectations. However, should any individual not know the basis to form a solid relationship, they'll end up going through many relationships and have trouble finding whatever it is they are looking for in the first place. Building a relationship, like anything else you build, is about it's foundation. As long as you have a solid foundation, you'll be able to maintain your relationship for a longer period of time.

What matters is what is important!
Ray Choiniere

Building A Long Lasting Relationship

It's a pleasure to have you here and I realize you're looking for information on how to build a lasting relationship or how to make a successful relationship. I'll do my best to put my advice in line so you can understand. You can leave here and apply to your relationship, and finally develop the success craved.

What you must realize is--> The "How-To" steps necessary to create a lasting relationship.

Those specific steps are an importance and when done reading, you'll be left without any doubt. There are many factors involved in a relationship, but they all lead back to you. The individual person and your partner, regardless of whether or not, straight or gay. All relationships require each person to constantly evaluate themselves and their placement within the relationship. If there's not equal ground to be shared, then you will cause conflict.

Everything starts out with YOU, as a person. What? Yes, it starts out with your own understanding of a relationship.

What do you expect out of the relationship?

What foundation is best to begin a relationship?

How do you start?

And believe it or not, if your foundation isn't solid, your entire relationship will suffer.

Being Friends Is The First Step

This particular step shouldn't be hidden and should be part of mainstream thinking. If it's not then your relationships are doomed to fail until you realize the truth of it. Now, to make it very simple for you to understand, the best and most solid foundation for any relationship is to be friends. Yes, I said friends.

If the person you plan on pursuing isn't first and foremost a friend, then I suggest you become friends. You must get to know each other before any further steps can be taken and this includes dating. After a number dates, it would automatically be assumed by both parties, a relationship is occurring. At which time, other things are expected and if you do not know the person, it isn't going to work out. Get to know them, their likes and dislikes, habits(good and bad).

Communication Is Huge and Must Be On-Going

Again, this particular step shouldn't be hidden either and to some it is more obvious than it is to some others. But, then again there are always things which are obvious to one person, which are not always obvious to others. Thus, why communication is extremely important to making a relationship work.

The most successful and long lasting relationships occur because both parties of the friendship, and relationship have no trouble talking with one another. Again, this might be obvious to you, but it might not be obvious to your partner. It isn't only important to communicate, but it just as important to listen. A good listener will listen to their partner, regardless of what it is that they have to say and doing so shows compassion for/to(it does both) your partner. It shows them you're interested in hearing what they think or feel. They will find it a very attractive trait and love you more for it.

I will use a no longer living example, as an example. Yes, I'm sure that didn't make sense, but once I explain it will. My grandmother was married three times, however, her most successful relationship was with a person whom she never married. He was her best friend in the world and together they loved deeply because they always kept open the lines of communication.

They lived together for 28 years as boyfriend/girlfriend, until she was hospitalized with dementia which occurred after a battle with colon cancer. Forced her to have surgery. They are both no longer living. He died shortly after she was placed in the hospice and she died 11 months later.

Trust Is Mandatory

This step is the hardest of them all. Why? Because, friends trust each other and a friendship is ruined when one person cannot trust the other, and the same applies to any relationship.

Betrayal or dishonesty, such as lies or cheating are the cause for most failed relationships. If you're not going to be honest with yourself about understanding this point, then you're not likely to be honest with your partner. Hence, no trust. Without trust, there will not be love to build.

Approximately 50% of all friendships, as well as, relationships falter because of trust issues. When you have trust issues, you're going to demand things from your partner and when you start demanding anything from your partner, you hurt your friendship and relationship. Which leads to your friendship and relationship on a downward spiral.

Self Confidence and Self Esteem Are Helpful

Self Confidence and Self Esteem might seem like they are the same things, but they are not. You need self esteem to gain self confidence and without either, you're not likely to maintain any sort of solid friendship or relationship. No one wants someone who is high maintenance and needs to be taken care of every minute of the day.

High self esteem oozes attractiveness. Some men and women love to see the other with a good self esteem level because it shows them that you are in control of yourself, path forward in life and that they can be a part of that life. Again, don't confuse self esteem and self confidence. Self esteem comes from understanding what you want for a future, why you want it and how to get it. Self confidence comes from understanding your own capabilities and limitations. See the difference?

Self Control Is Absolutely Necessary

This should be a common sense. Self control is extremely important and if you're not going to keep your emotions in check, you're likely to fly off the handle. Letting your temper flare up more often than not isn't helpful. Doing so will build stress and put a strain on your friendship/relationship.

When anger hits home, there's a high probability that you will do something which you will most likely regret later. A lack of self control can lead to verbal and/or physical abuse of your partner. No one, man or woman, wants to be on the end of either. It can be difficult to control yourself when you're extremely upset. If you're having an argument with your partner, separate yourself from them, even if it's only for 5 or 10 minutes.

Let them know that you're too angry to discuss it right then and there. This doesn't mean storm out of the house because, that will only make matters worse. You must remain, but leave the room and if necessary step outside without leaving the grounds of the home. When you have cooled off, then be willing to admit you were wrong to lose your temper. It doesn't matter what happened.

Power of friendship cannot be out done
Yvonne Spence

Closing

As you can see, this particular article is about YOU(the individual person) who wants or is in a relationship. I didn't cut any corners in giving the best foundation for making a relationship successful. It is important for you to realize the reason for mentioning the above. The reason I mentioned these particular things is because, love starts with you and how honest you are with yourself. You must understand yourself because if you don't then you will convey mixed messages in your interactions with others.

People will see it including your partner and it will cause a conflict. Yes, you have faults and so does your partner. You both must truly understand that about each other and if neither of you are consciously active in self improving everything about yourself. Well, let's just say that you won't find any relationship successful nor will any relationship last. You'll even have trouble finding friends at all.

You can also see, I didn't include love as a secret to making a relationship successful. I didn't include it because, love blossoms from the entire combination of all the above. Love for each will continue to grow because you have all of the above traits in sync and it will be recognized by the other.

How you handle yourself in each situation or circumstance that arises because you're together will either strengthen or weaken your relationship. It's your individual choice, which will make the difference. You should always be consciously aware of your surroundings and this includes those who are around you. Doing so only improves your life anyways.

Whatever you do, do not resort to violence ever. Do not use other things to take your mind off of a bad situation at home, like alcohol or drugs. These things will only make a bad situation worse. If money is a problem, then work through it together. If gambling is a problem, admit your problem and get help, but do not cut out your partner.

You can draw strength from them due to fact that they love you and will be willing to do whatever is necessary to help you get through it. It makes no difference what problems you have, if you are not willing to put your best foot forward, then you are being dishonest with yourself about fixing whatever problem that exists. It takes two to make a relationship successful. No one can do it alone and no one should have to try.

Thank you for your time.
Raymond Choiniere II - Cagsil

Updated: 02/03/2016, Cagsil
 
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Cagsil on 09/13/2015

You act as if I didn't understand what you were saying? I understood, but if you and your partner get that riled up? It isn't healthy in the first place. Yes, I can understand haveing disagreements and heated arguments, but you only place more distance between you and your partner, when you leave the premise mad. That's why I say you should stay. I don't give a damn you go outside, but STAY on the property. Have a yard? Go outside walk around. Have a front porch? Go sit on it? But do not leave the property. It damages the relationship, and says to the other, that yes I am capable of walking out of your life, like you are nothing.. When you disappear completely from the view of your partner, your actions alone speaks volumes. Again, I appreciate the time.

Cagsil on 09/13/2015

Thank you again for coming back and asking more question. As for the love and tolerance of yourself and others, I've already prepared a different article to assist. http://cagsil.hubpages.com/hub/Life-K...

wanderer on 09/12/2015

What if you feel you sometimes you can't tolerate them but you love them and want to be with them? Is there any hope if you're willing to try to learn to be more tolerant?

wanderer on 09/12/2015

Thank you for your reply. I was just using a hypothesis or example. Me personally I think there are times I can stay around and times I want to be apart. I think absence makes the heart grow fonder as my dad would often say and you can get tired of being around anyone all the time. Then when you miss them it's so much more enjoyable. To get away for a night, I see nothing wrong with that. There are times I'm sure when someone can get you so upset you may need to get away and leave the premises. This happened with a friend of mine but he suffers from mental health issues which contributed to the situation. I think when you spend time in person with someone you tend to find out how you are around them. But it's really hard when you have to constantly play guessing games as to what THEY need or want from you! Relationships are give and take and one thing I've always thought to be important is to makeup before bed- as in don't go to bed with the other person upset or angry or even sad. Be sensitive to their feelings not just your own. Look out for how the other person is doing, because in a relationship it's not just about you, it's about them and you both.
Thanks again.

Cagsil on 09/12/2015

Thank you kindly for reading and taking time to comment. It's greatly appreciated. I would like to point out first things first, being friends is something which takes time in and of itself, so you will know deeply whether or not, you can tolerate being in a relationship with the person. You took the article backwards, as expected. Yes, we each deal with stress differently, but if you aren't strong enough to stay on the grounds? Then you're not strong enough to be in a relationship in the first place.

wanderer on 09/12/2015

Honestly I think it is very hard to find the type of person you talk about in this article. It seems like you're looking for perfection although you state that you're not. You say it's important to have self control and not to get upset. For example, when you state about getting upset not to leave the house/home or grounds- what if the person needs more space and needs to get away? That sounds like control to me. You cannot expect so much from a person. Everyone deals with stress differently and some may need to go away for the night!
Thank you. I do however agree very much with being friends first!

Cagsil on 11/28/2014

Hello Jeanne, I realize I said don't drink to deal with the problem. However, if drinking is a problem before you get into the relationship, you should considered beforehand, a relationship with a drinker and things it entails. I always tell people, if you're going to drink or do any type of drug, always make sure you are going to remain in control...so moderation is the only method to take either.

If you don't drink but are in a relationship with a heavy drinker. Seek help from those who are more knowledgeable on the subject matter. You could possibly give your partner the strength to control themselves, instead of the other controlling them. Take care.

Cagsil on 11/28/2014

Hey Beverly, I think you have me confused with someone else. Everything I have written on is via past experience and knowledge gained from those experiences. If you're attempting to make me look bad? Your reflection is just showing off more than you realize. Relationships aren't about ego, but the understanding that ego will get in the way at times. I certainly hope you have a great day.

Beverly on 11/27/2014

You think you're better than other people. You're nothing but an asshole who doesn't practice what he preaches!!!

Jeanne on 11/27/2014

When you say don't drink alcohol or take drugs, to deal with a problem in the relationship; What if one of the people in the relationship already drinks daily? Are you saying you never drink, or that you would not drink more than usual?

I also wonder how two people can have a healthy relationship IF one of them drinks heavily daily. I've noticed in my experience, that while people are drinking, them are more likely to get excited or upset.

Thank you.


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