Interdumdisphobia, Interdumdisphilia and Grave Damnum Syndrome: What are they? Do you suffer?

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The symptoms are:

• Loss of appetite
• A pressing need
• Hyperbolic infarction
• Tangential thinking
• An uncontrollable need to laugh

For the GDS sufferer, they may find that the following symptoms are prevalent:

• Chronic feeling of insecurity when close to a light switch
• Difficulty with the cooking chores
• Leaving the television on
• Difficulty dialling a number on the telephone

There are others, but these are the major problematic causalities.

I outlined the main symptoms of Interdumdisphobia, in the first paragraph. All of these lead to a self-diagnosis of Grave Damnum Syndrome. I will reiterate the symptoms, and add to them here, for your convenience:

In fact most tasks in the modern world are an anathema to an interdumdisphobic. A chronic inability to press buttons has now been classified as GDS (Grave Damnum Syndrome) and you can self diagnose, the most appropriate method of diagnosis - do not go to your doctor - s/he will not yet have read about this syndrome in The Lancet.

After minutes of consideration it has come into my mind that self-medication is the best method. An holistic approach is recommended. The sufferer should do one or all of the following:

• Self deprecate
• Self exfoliate (get someone else to start the exfoliating machine)
• Contemplate their navel whilst in the lotus position
• Take placebo's at every opportunity
• Stop taking advice from someone that does not know what they are talking about
• Consider carefully whether the mickey is being taken out of them
• ROFLTHO

Vitamins and supplements do help.

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Terminal!

[Screen fades,  sad music gradually gets louder, 'ping' to little green dot in middle of screen.]