I've figured love out, I understand the concept. That love that says I want to wake up today BECAUSE your here. I want to open my eyes and my first thought is where is she? Is she staring at me like I'd stare at her if I woke up first? Every move I make I wonder, is this an opportunity to show her I love her?
It gets to a wonderful encompassing effect where you pick something for yourself but wonder how she'd feel if she saw it, not because she makes all your decisions, but because you care about what she values. Because she is your world and you feel that you are hers... Ah to feel that someone else in the world loves you every bit as much as you love them, would die for you, would give up anything to be with you.
That's a connection as strong as the internet, it reaches out to every possible location on earth you could go. You absolutely feel it every time your connected to it (and feel the void when the connection drops!). You feel it when they even think about you. You feel that thought that you can't explain with archaic words and get a warm euphoria when you think about her because you cant wait to be with her again.
Its a smile she gives you when she sees you that reminds you that she is amazing and your so dam lucky she picked you!
Its a hug that never feels like a normal hug. Its a hug that feels like heat and metal combining at melting temperatures. Its a kiss that you never want to end, so tender and passionate.
One that continues when you break off to breathe in your lovers scent... Leaving an arc in your emotions.
A hug and kiss that makes you feel not as two people kissing but as one entity expressing itself in the pureness that is passion. Its a call that excites you too so wonderfully as if you wished for Santa Clause, whom you had no clue was not real, actually he was real, he was an idea that made you feel safe, - Like her.
Its a feeling you remember when you believed in Santa Clause that (apparently) ended when you found out he was a myth but a feeling that was reborn when you discovered the myth was just a way to usher in a spirit of hope, love and receiving of your greatest wishes..
A feeling that you thought only a child could feel, but a feeling that is reborn, reincarnated in her. Its how she becomes the more magical Santa Clause because her gifts come all year, every second of every day, with more passion and value than anything you could ever want to hold in your hand, as the little things become the big things,
It's because her magical smile is just that amazing... All encompassing... The kind of woman who gives without giving, but you receive so much!
It's like getting what you asked for, for Christmas, and meeting an understanding that the love you feel is absolutely real and impenetrable...
It's a glance across the room that everyone between you feels in a warm euphoria they can't quite make out (yet feel as incredibly familiar) but as soon as they see the two of you they understand as instinct.
It's an extremely bad cup of coffee, cold and stale, too dark and thick that tastes like the warmest and yummiest cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows you ever had, because it is laced with her essence, her energy.
Her "I saved this for 9 hours because I knew you wanted coffee when you came home honey but we're out of coffee and have no money so I kept microwaving it in hopes that when you did walk in that door, a door I stared at for hours because I didn't want to miss the second you came through it- kind of energy, all felt in a moment, a glance as you walked in.
She didn't even have to tell you the details; you felt it in her glance, her very presence.
Its the warm naked bodies holding each other gently, running the fingertips over the skin, so powerful that not only the one being touched but the one touching feels the euphoria of the touch. It's a massage that's as wonderful to give as it is to receive. Its the brilliant moment when you walk in from the worst day of your life to find a romantic setting in the dining room with YOU written in every inch of the setup, and you realizing that she really does understand you and knows you.
She "Gets you".
Its the "I care for you so deeply that even if you ignored the hard work I did preparing this setup, I'd love you anyway because it's you I care about not your reactions to my trying" kind of moment, but ironically because it's that kind of moment you never neglect to thank her even if with your eyes and smiles.
It's the epidemy of selflessness you feel when you do things for her, only wanting in return her happiness and some sign that it exists.
Its the incredible smell of your lover that means more to you than the thex (changed original word), its the way you shiver when she touches you on your back when she walks up behind you a split second before her hand even makes contact with your sweater, to surprise you at work, and you know instantly that it's her...
It's the birthday cupcake with one candle, her best dress and hair and make up she spent most of the day doing to assure you felt what she feels about you and how important this day is to her, for it was the day so many years ago that you were born, and had it not been for this day, she couldn't have felt this amazingly complete- as if the counterpoint of her own soul was born that day.
Its the build up of a great conversation where both of you feel what the other is saying completely and instantly, naturally, where you hang on every word they says no matter how long or how boring it would be to other people including subjects you don't give a darn about.
It's just the sound of heir voice on a recording. It's the yearning to see learn and feel every moment in that persons life, every thing they've ever experienced, felt or had. its the seeing them in a video where you didn't expect they'd be in the background and its all you can see, or want to see, over and over again, to glimpse a new piece of them you never saw.
It's the gracious selection of facial expressions you memorize the first time you see them and cherish new ones like Christmas morning where the tree is full of presents but you only care about the effect not the presents... yet a present she unwraps every time she smiles.
Its a woman you care so deeply for and respect with such devotion, so deeply that her happiness means everything and her friends mean everything, even that one mean spirited, judgmental friend she loves to hang with, or grew up with so she tolerates her attitude but doesn't like it, that doesn't get you or understand why she'd be with you when they think she can do better, because they just don't see what she sees and feels. What you make her feel. That feeling you wake up inside her very soul that only she can feel from and about you...
The secret you can't really, even if you wanted to, share, for it cannot be expressed in any other way than through the non material, non verbal planes and expressiveness of love... And because she can't express it, no matter how much she explains it to them they just don't "get it" but you do. You understand and still cherish her friends because, you value her opinion and know she wouldn't have friends that aren't amazing in some way.
It's an unending ability to forgive and get past anything or anyone because you know in the end you will be in her arms and nothing could ruin your day unless she wasn't in it. It's the patience you acquire because of this amazing gift she gives to you and doesn't even know she did.
It's the girl who'd hold your hand every chance she got, because the warmth of your hand in hers makes her feel secure and safe, and she knows that this to you shows you she loves your touch, and you.
Its the moment where you can't fall asleep without hearing her voice, smelling her alluring scent on the sheets and pillow, or watching her face as you fade out...
The compulsion to not cross some imaginary boundary of "her side" of the bed unless she's in it because it reminds you that she's not... but the stronger compulsion to slide over and lay on her pillow just to bathe in her scent, to bask in the glow of her resonant aroma, reconnecting you to the many amazing memories of her in a powerful and instant rush, just like when you hug her and smell her hair. To feel the allure of her presence because you miss her already.
It's the moment you can't function if you had to go a day without hearing her sweet and thexy (word changed) voice even if it was just a recording on her voice mail, on her cell phone, or a recording you saved of a message she sent you.
It's the inability to delete a message with her voice on it without first recording it to your computer to preserve her amazing vibrations... But even then you can't bare the thought of deleting even a copy of her voice because you want as much as possible.
Its the messages you get for no reason other than she missed YOU. Its the message you left on her cell phone that she secretly saved for 3 years just so she can hear your voice when she feels lonely at work that she doesn't tell anyone about. The voice of you just saying good morning on her answering machine that removes her loneliness in the second the sound hits her ears... The very inflection of your tone and voice... The warmth of love in your tone and soft spoken tones... All of this which also affects you toward her...
It's the moments where you do something amazingly brilliant and she notices when no one else does or cares, and makes a big deal of it in your honor. It's her wanting to brainstorm it with you. It's the moment when the most beautiful scene on earth is rivaled by her presence. She becomes the scene and the scene the blank canvas where she paints the beauty onto it...
It's the ambition you get when you feel the security of love. Its the power to exceed even your own highest aspirations, its the kind of girl who you give all the credit to for even your solely created work, because you realize it was her love that made you strong enough, passionate enough a person to persevere...
I miss love, real love synonymous with "connection" "friendship" "true power" "perseverance" "tenacity" "Integrity" and concepts I couldn't even begin to conceptualize in this plane of existence..
Oh yea and the big one, the biggest of them all... Passion which is the truest most recognizable manifestation of love. Sometimes they're even interchangeably defined.
Thank you for reading my interpretation of "Being in love". The above is how I feel about a girl I love, in a relationship and how a lot of people see true love..
The End. (and beginning)