Are You Getting Married Too Young? Should You Wait?

by wrylilt

Most girls dream of a big white wedding and a handsome prince - but when is too soon to marry?

No matter how old or young you are, marriage is something many single or coupled people think about.
But one member of the relationship may be more serious than the other, the pair of you don't have enough money or you're doing it for reasons such as a pregnancy, family or legal reasons.
There's also the age consideration - if you're below 18 you'll need parental permission. If you're over 50 and been in previous marriages - is it even worth it?
There are plenty of things to think about before you get married, though. Below is a list of things you should consider before you run off and get that ring...

1. What's Your Partner's Family Like?

This is a big one. Sure, right now you might be madly in love but have you stopped to think about the other people who'll be involved in your marriage? -  Mother in laws, father in laws, brother and sister in laws to name a few.

After you settle into your life you might discover that things that you found sweet - such as his mum visiting every day or her sister staying over at least once a week turn into annoyances.

And depending how old you are, you may be be still living with them, relying on them for money or seeing them very regularly. 

Family is great - as long as they allow you to have space. If they don't, you might want to reconsider spending the rest of your life with them. Remember, you're not marrying a person, you're marrying their family.

Are You Rushing Into Marriage?
Are You Rushing Into Marriage?

2. What's Your Living History?

Are you both going to be moving from your parent's house into a house together? It might be an idea to get some time in your own space first. For all you know she's never cooked more than 5 meals in her life or his neat room is kept that neat by his mum. 

You don't have to live together - but before the marriage it might be an idea either to live alone for awhile or share with some friends. This way both members of the couple get to know how they like things done, how hard it is to keep your own house clean and get to experience how difficult life can be without a family or partner around to help out.

3. Do You Feel Guilty?

Why are you really getting married? If you're doing it because you know you want to be with him but just aren't quite ready to settle yet you might be doing it out of guilt. Or if you plan to marry because you accidentally got your girlfriend pregnant you may well be doing it out of guilt, too.

Have a sit down and think. Is having two parents who squabble and aren't happy together going to help your child grow up better? Is being married going to change or fix any of the problems you have now?

This doesn't mean you shouldn't get married though. Consider a long engagement so you are both more comfortable with the idea before you rush into anything.

4. Why Now?

Is there a reason you just have to get married now? Chances are that the longer you wait, the more money and planning you can put into a wedding. If you're happy together now there's no reason that you need to feel pressured into getting married. 

Many people find that once they are married they have different expectations of their partner - so just enjoy your relationship as it is now.

5. Do You Do "Normal" Things Together?

Is every meeting between you a fancy date where you go out or do something fun? Maybe you need to sit back and try a few more boring dates - marriage can be fun too but you won't both want to (or be able to afford to) go out to dinner or a movie every night.

Try and have some time at home, cooking dinner together or just watching TV. It's more important to learn to be happy together when life is boring and mundane than just when everything's romantic and fun.

Questions To Ask Before You Take The Ring

♥ Am I doing this just for myself? Just for my partner? It needs to be for both of you.

♥ Are those little things that annoy me now going to annoy me a lot more after a few years?

♥ What do I think marriage can give me that I don't have now?

♥ Am I too focussed on the big white wedding to think about what comes after?

♥ Is she/he really going to change into something different/better after we marry?

Updated: 09/06/2012, wrylilt
Thank you! Would you like to post a comment now?


sheilamarie on 09/07/2012

Marriage is a big commitment. "Marrying the family" really is true, for better or for worse. This is something a person doesn't always understand when they're young.

Guest on 09/06/2012

When I planned on marrying for the second (and final) time, my attorney said, "You know what you're getting this time, don't you?" Good questions to ask yourself. I married for the first time at 28, and that was still too young for me. A lot of emphasis is put on the wedding. It is nearly impossible to back out if you get swept up in the excitement of planning a wedding. It is so easy to turn any toad into your "soul mate" just because you feel the need to be married. From my experience, I paid for my mistakes. Since I wasn't selective when it came to choosing my first husband, I had a ball and chain living with me for years.

BrendaReeves on 09/06/2012

Good advice. Most people don't really know what they're getting into when they get married.

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