What Is Intimacy Anorexia And How It Tears Marriages Apart
My story is similar, different and complicated. My wife is an intimacy anorexic. When confronted with it (way before I had any idea what it was) early on - I resorted to the familiar escape from my life - masturbation. She caught me and used it as additional reason to distance. We have been in couples therapy throughout our 6 1/2 year marriage. I worked hard to free myself from my dysfunctional behavior. I succeeded about 3 1/2 years ago. Then I started to more clearly see what was going on - She would "need" to fight with me. She could not tolerate anything that felt like blame to her. Sex was rare (2-3x month), almost exclusively initiated by me and ususally responded to with - "I'm too tired", "It's too late", "only if you make it fast", "only if you get the kids in the morning", over time - she didn't want to kiss, she didn't want to touch or be touched - get in, get out, good night. My anger, resentment and fear built - I started acting dysfunctionally again - differently - I started accepting "having sex" with my wife and stopped trying to facilitate "making love, I started being intrusive with (needed to be there when she was undressing, etc). The S--t hit the fan one night when I touched her in her sleep and later took a photo of her butt - she woke up to both. Once again I took full responsibility - feeling shamefull for how I had acted. We have been with a new therapist for 8 1/2 months. She has refused sex in that time as well as having consistently moved from a place of sparse affection, touch, sharing, to a place of almost non exsistence. Our therapist understands the "tip of the iceberg" about anorexia and has flat out called my wife on it. She refuses to own it. I am rtying to encourage our therapist to learn more. She calls me a sex addict and has joined S-Anon recently to work on her self identified "co-dependency" issues saying she needs to learn to be more seperate. If she was any more seperate, we might not know each other! I am in such deep pain. I love my wife (beginning to wonder what that really means), we have 2 young children, I have treated her wrongly (as stated above), I continue to work and grow. Even with our therapist challenging her a couple of times, she refuses to admit to her anorexic behavior. I am trying to get a solid handle on the best path for my own recovery. I understand that regardless of her choices or the future, I need help. Just wanted to share my loneliness, fear, anger, & isolation.
Hurting in NY, Jul 12, 2012