Confessions of a Bipolar Drama Queen

by ErezShek

What is it like when you are diagnosed with Bipolar? What do you think? What do you say to people? What do you do with this horrible diagnosis

You spend years battling depression and mania and people just think...you are crazy. You start thinking you are crazy....but then you learn its not "The Crazy", its just a part of who you are. It has a name. It doesnt have a solid solution or pill(s) that will ever make it go away. Its there for life. Still, when you are first told you are Bipolar....

Say what now?

You are Bipolar!

When I was told I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder it truly was a shock and a relief. 

A shock that all the psychiatrists and therapist I went to till then totally had misdiagnosed me and I thought I was going crazy. A relief because it had a name. Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain that basically keeps you on edge emotionally. You can go from really high highs (mania) to high highs (Hypo-Mania) and deep deep deep  (Like under the ocean deep) depression. The disorder can be dormant but usually not for long. Medication is not meant to cure the disorder, it is incurable. Medication helps manage the mania or depressive episodes.

My reaction was I was diagnosed was:

Bipolar Disorder? Your telling ME I have Bipolar Disorder ? What does that mean? OMG OMG will I need a lobotomy? Is that what you do? Cuz I have this beautiful bald head, great shape and a scar will just not do. It just wont do. (Pause) Oh okay no Lobotomy. Cool. Wait....Electro Shock is that what you do? I've seen the musical Next to Normal.... she like forgot everything. EVERYTHING. She forgot her husband was dead. No, not doing that. Nope. I just picture myself turning into Christopher Lloyd.  BIPOLAR DISORDER? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? What do I do? Im speechless. Im never speechless but I'm speechless.

Once I started doing research to understand. I read all the books that everyone reads like "An Unquiet Mind"  by Kay Redfield Jamison and the classic "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies" . I learned so much about the disorder but I didnt learn on how to LIVE with it. Not to suffer from it, but use it to my advantage. Which is when I found an incredible book by Tom Wooton called "The Bipolar Advantage .

Its how I learned that I can use it for good and not let its evil take over me. It gave me special super hero powers about understand all kinds of emotions. Its not just mania and depression, its also about everyday feelings and Bipoles feel everything to the hilt.

Bipolar Disorder doesn't have to be something you suffer from or die from, you can LIVE with it. Yes it means changing meds constantly, going to therapy, and keep mood journals. 

Its not a gift being Bipolar, but it doesn't always have to be a curse.

Updated: 08/11/2016, ErezShek
 
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