Do we need airport security?

My recent trip to UK provoked serious thoughts about purpose of airport security checks.  In theory, they are there for our safety.  In real world, it's a tangle of ridiculous rules and directives through which each passenger must pass, to his or her irritation.  

Normally, I wouldn't mind.  I like to feel secure.  I like the idea of guns, knives and explosives being forbidden on board of a plane that I'm travelling in.  Unfortunately, the airport security regulations are being taken to such levels of absurd, that I'm slowly becoming their sworn enemy.

Photo source

First, you have to queue.  You better reserve half an hour for the procedure, because if you don't pass through, you don't fly.  Non-negotiable.  

Make sure you have no forbidden items in your luggage or on your person (sounds easy enough, but in fact here's where things get complicated - see below).  

Undress.  Depending on the officer you're dealing with, you can be asked to take only the jacket off, or you can be left standing in your socks, trousers and undershirt.  Do not expect 'please' to follow the stripping order - it rarely happens.  

Pass through the metal detector.  If it beeps, expect to be frisked.  

In the meantime, your hand luggage and other belongings get x-rayed.  Any suspicious items get confiscated.  

Reclaim your stuff, get dressed, you're through.  

In itself, the procedure is pretty straightforward, although being treated as a potential criminal (and believe me, you do feel suspicion in the air) is not exactly pleasant.  It's all the little random 'extras' that make the experience unforgettable - and nightmarish.  

Note:  my security check description applies only to European airports, as these are the only ones I'm familiar with. 

Photo source

Guns, knives, machetes, pickaxes, explosives and similar (here they have my complete approval).

From now on, things get more interesting.

Scissors.  Nail files.  Knitting needles (oh, tremble before the Crochet Hook of Doom!).

Liquids in containers of more than 100 ml capacity.  That's THE most irritating regulation of all.  Even if your liquids are in regulatory size bottles, they have to be presented separately, in a clear plastic bag.  A PROPER bag, too - that's important (see below).

So no, you can't have a drink during your journey - unless you buy it after the check for an astronomical price.  Deodorants, shampoos, shower gels, shaving creams, toothpastes - all need to stay behind.  If you've paid for a check-in bag, you're ok, so basically it's pay or stink.  

Image source

Passing through the airport security is a lottery.  You never know what will raise suspicion of an officer.  You never know in what sort of mood he or she will be.  

The problem here is that some people, given little power over other human beings, will choose to exercise it to the extreme, just to wallow in their own self-importance.  

Sure, not all airport officials are bullies.  Some are polite, friendly, non-invasive.  Unfortunately, there are too few of them.

Image source

Let me illustrate my misgivings with a real life story.  

My recent flying trip took me away for a few days only, so there was no point in buying hold luggage.  On the outbound trip I decided to bluff it and simply remain silent about a roll-on deodorant (with all its murderous potential) in my backpack.  It passed through without a question, lucky me.

Returning, I had a few more items to declare - a bottle of perfume, contact lens solution, medicinal drops and the very same deodorant.  This time I chose to be a good girl and popped them all into a transparent plastic bag from my friend's kitchen.  When asked if I have any liquids to declare, I proudly presented my little package, congratulating myself for being such a good citizen.  

Unfortunately, for the airport security lady I wasn't good enough.  She didn't like my plastic bag (completely transparent, easily accessible) and directed me to a vending machine where I could buy a proper one.  

Call me weird, but demanding one pound sterling for a single plastic bag is an outrage in my book.  Even if I were willing to make the purchase, I had no currency left so into the bin my possessions went (or into the security lady's pocket?  I'll never know).  

I was speechless with anger, so I didn't ask what exactly was wrong with my bag, apart from not adhering to ridiculous regulations.  I wish now that I had made the enquiry, but it probably wouldn't have prevented me from losing my stuff anyway.  

Moral of the story - I solemnly promise never to declare any liquids again.  

Photo source

Another story, from the very same journey.  

My companion is not so law-abiding.  During our trip, he was gifted with a credit-card multitool (a handy little device, see below).  Apart from other features, the gadget has a small, sharp blade.  He decided to chance it and smuggle it through the airport security check, together with a few cosmetics of forbidden size.

Guess what.  Shaving foam and antiperspirant got confiscated.  The blade - the only item, between the two of us, that could actually do some harm on board if we were up to no good - passed unmentioned.  

The absurdity of it all!  

Cosmetics, perfume, medicines, drinks are all confiscated for their dangerous potential, while truly weapon-like items are waved through.  

If this is how the airport security checks work, then I see no reason for their existence.  I don't feel more secure, because I KNOW that they allow potentially dangerous equipment through.  I object to my belongings being confiscated in any circumstances, but if it happens for ridiculous reasons, it's twice as irritating.

So, here are my two appeals to airport security officials worldwide:

1.  Please stop being such a pain in the lower regions

2.  Either become relevant, or disband

Image source

How to survive Ryanair flight?

How not to fall for BS advertising?

The absurdities of job hunt training

No junk mail, please