The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
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Chatter away, friends!
To all Brits on Wizzley ... | |
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on 03/20/2014
Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
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on 03/20/2014
Oh, this made my day Karen
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on 03/21/2014
hilarious....!!!!! |
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on 03/21/2014
It will also help those 'Eshtry' English speakers who think that th fronting is rendered 'f' or 'v'. Can't see that 'z' sound taking off though. It's a definite 'v' around here. Faysh. Bovvered. Bovvered. Faysh. Ver vil be no mor trubl or difikultis an' evrivun vil find it ezi'u un'erstand ech uva. Vuh drem of a uni'e' urop vil finali kum tru. Innit like.
The 27 pages of comments on this article from the Guardian will keep me sane at work for many weeks. (2 pages in a half hour lunch break).
Described by one of my clients as 'a literary grammarian', writing, researching and reading are requirements for sanity, at least this side of the keyboard.
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Posts: 439
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on 03/23/2014
Now this makes a lot of sense - and the Americans thought they were so inventive by doing away with the "u" in colour and such words. I always wanted to learn German - do you think this new English will help? |
Delightful!