How to Support Your Husband Through a Season of Unemployment

Make a plan together.

Be realistic about your financial situation. Sit down together and evaluate what needs to change so that the necessary bills can be paid. Cut out the extras. Talk this out thoroughly so that both of you are in agreement about your plan for facing this season of unemployment.

Be committed.

Yes, times are hard, but times will get better. Assure your husband that you married him "for richer & for poorer, for better & for worse." This rough time will not destroy your relationship. 

Do be affectionate to your husband during this time.

Feelings of failure in work do huge damage to a man's self-esteem. One way you can build that up is through physical intimacy. Even when you are worried about paying the bills, make time for physical closeness. This makes a man feel valuable. He needs that confidence when he goes into a job interview. And you can give it to him!

Look for the positive.

A serious hardship like unemployement can actually serve to bring you closer if you become allies rather than enemies. Remember that your husband is not the enemy. You are fighting together on the same team. 

Remember that time is an asset.

When your husband was working, you probably had less time with him. Now you have more. Although money is tight, revel in the extra time that your husband is around to interact with you and the children.

These actions are not supportive. Instead they will cause your husband to feel attacked.

DO NOT Question him repeatedly about following up on job interviews and applications.

Ask once, and let it go. When you do ask, do it in an upbeat tone as if you expect a positive answer. If the news is less than stellar, simply change the topic to something more uplifting, especially something that your husband can control and succeed at.

DO NOT Nag about work around the house.

You may think that since he's not working he can become a house husband, taking up the cooking, dishes, and cleaning. Remember that job hunting is hard work, and he needs time to spend looking for work, making calls, filling out applications, and browsing job listings. He may be facing some depression. Give him time to decompress from his previous job. He may even need some time to grieve if the lay off was terribly painful or personal. Write a "honey-do" list and leave it where he can see it. Nagging is counterproductive.

DO NOT Become a miser.

Obviously you will want to become more frugal, putting the brakes on needless spending. But everyone needs a treat occasionally whether he is working or not. Imagine how painful it would be if you normally stop to get icecream on Saturday night but this week you say, "Well, since you're not working, I think we shouldn't get ice cream." Ouch! That's painful. Instead, suggest a trip by the grocery store to buy more affordable ice cream by the gallon and make homemade sundaes at home.