Kindle Self Help Book

Angus McLeod is the author of four books (plus this one!) with three publishers and the others are available in languages including English, Mandarin, Russian and Polish and others. He is internationally regarded as a coach and runs master-classes in coaching around the world. He runs workshops for the public mainly in the UK and Greece. He loves to cook for friends, ride motorcycles (and tour on them) and to scull and row.

Josey has two children, one at play-school and the other in primary school. The attendance times at each school differ and hence she spends an hour each day on the sidewalk with one or other child in hand. She talks to other parents and her social life begins to revolve around this group. Josey cannot say "no". In fact, rather than do this she will say "yes" instead. As a consequence, she hosts coffee mornings, organises purchases (even for meetings elsewhere) and does the networking by phone. She complains about being 'put upon' by the group, to her husband. He had some tough advice for her about stopping some of the extra chores she had taken on. Now she can no longer grumble to him because he criticises her for not doing what he thinks is right. She still says to herself, "who would do it if I don't?"

Apart from the real need of Josey to recognize her Yes-Dragon, there are a further three important issues to look at here.

The first is the need for Josey to be responsible to herself. She deserves 'time and space' and needs to risk saying, "No, I've got too much on at present, someone else will have to do it this time".

The second issue is the neurotic notion of being responsible for the group and its future. Dumping just one responsibility of this type does feel risky, but it can be wonderfully energising! Guilt? Who needs it! The group is responsible for its future, not just one person. Gaps are magically filled.

The third issue is Josey's need to feel useful. Perhaps she doesn't feel likeable enough to be wanted in the group 'just for herself'. Now that we have some ground rules for dealing with the Yes-Dragon, the task of slaying is easier! In reality, it is actually harder to carry out the ‘yes’ actions than let them go. But it rarely ‘feels’ like that at the time! The first step is the hardest and the following ones get easier - trust me.

So, what have you said ‘Yes’ to and now regret? It may be a good time to review what might be done to change the situation, or a future event? If the timing is not right, then when might that ‘right time’ be exactly? Use the space below. What do you want to change, how and when? Who will support you?

Asking question like those above can yield new perceptions and new solutions. You can do this yourself. Josey could have found a way out of organising coffee mornings by asking questions like these:

• If there was an emergency, like me being ill, who could take this on?
• How easy would it be to tell the group?
• When did I face something as hard as this but succeeded?

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Why did I write this book?

Dedication

Introduction to the Dragons

Why Now?

An Example Dragon

Part 1...........................................................................................................

The Dragons

The Negative-Judgement-Dragon

The SOD-Dragons - Should, Ought and & Duty

More about Duty and the SOD-Dragon

The Negativity-Dragon

The Fear-Dragon

The Expectation-Dragon

Change the Ground Rules

Coping with Disappointment

The Yes-Dragon

The No-Dragon

The Comparison-Dragon

The Loneliness-Dragon

The Secrets-and-Lies-Dragon

The Guilt-Dragon

The Anger-Dragon

The Jealousy-Dragon

The Perfection-Dragon

The Dependency-Dragon

Emotional Dependency

More Dependency-Dragons: Nicotine and Caffeine

More Dependency-Dragons: Alcohol and Drugs

The Junk-Dragon!

Stuff

Thoughts0

The Hanger-on-Dragon

The History-Dragon

The Pain-Dragon

The Illness-Dragon

The Ageing-Dragon

The Loss-Grief-Dragon

The Responsibility-Dragon Number #1

The Fantasy-Dragon

Example: It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it!

The Overwork & Rush-Dragons

More Dragons: Rushing and Filling Time

Responsibility-Dragon #2

Job, Career and Role play at Work

Risk-taking

The Avoidance-Dragon

I Can't

Part 2: Healthy Thinking..................................................................................................

Owning Feelings and Expression

Expression-Suppression

Body of Feeling

Feeling Safe

Poor Signalling

51% Rule

Feeling Effectively

Feeling Unsafe

Displacement Activity

Dealing with Free-Floating Stress

Dumping Responsibility

Dumping the Dumpers

Pressure To Be The 'Old You'7

Family Dynamics

Owning Responsibility

Decision Making

Acknowledgement, Decisions, Success

Self-confidence and Self-Esteem......................................................................... 103

Waiting For Godot

"I'm Like That!"

Weak & Strong Conflicts

Needs and Wants  -  The NAWs

Defining NAWs

Commitment to NAWs

Time and Space

What Gets You Going

I Used To

Planning & Spontaneity

'DIN' - Do It Now

Rewards

Worthiness

Self Appraisal

Working with the Stars

Shyness

Practical Fantasy - Breaking Stress Patterns

Breathing

Responsibility

Keeping Going (Even Through Down Periods)4

Part 3: Free Spirit..........................................................................................................

Mind

Perceptions

Self-challenge & Hot Phrases

Body

Voice

Sensations

Feelings

Expression in Relationship

Feeling Emotions

Working to Improve EI

Awe

Needs Revisited

THE POWER of LOVE

L’Amour Propre

Faith

Personal Development and Trust

Conclusion

Appendices..........................................................................................................................

Making Plans

Desires

Values and Self – prioritizing desires and or goals

Time-lines to success

The Language of Success Goals

A Model for Checking Goals

Project Planning