I'm not talking about physically - a new hairdo, manicure and new outfit; I'm talking about mentally. You need to see and feel about yourself in a positive way. If you hate yourself, feel negative about yourself, or have low self-esteem, you won't be able to help, love or lift others.
How we feel about ourselves greatly affects how we see others and the world around us. If you've got low self-esteem, you might then have a tendency to have jealous feelings and start putting down those you feel that are more successful than you. That's just human nature. Strong, positive people tend to uplift and encourage those around them rather than tear them down.
So before you go helping others, looking for love, taking care of your family, or simply trying to enjoy your surroundings, you really need to take care of yourself first. Weed out the negativity, the bad influences and bad thoughts.
There are various free resources to be found on the Internet to help live a positive life. Just do a search on "positive living" and choose which "method" suits you; whether it's an agnostic or faith-based; Professionally run or casual groups. There are also a great list of books on Amazon listed below.
I encourage you to live a positive life and if it's all "just too much", I encourage you to seek counseling. There's nothing wrong with getting a little guidance and understanding. I know it's hard to get past the "stigma" of counselling, but it does offer an impersonal view on things. It's easier taking advice from a stranger than your own family.
You might think "easy for you to say", well did you know I'm a deaf and legally blind mother of two teenagers, I have battled my barriers and waded through negative discrimination and stereotypes. I have picked myself again and again after different failures and brushed myself off and tried again, or decided on a different "route" to my goals. A good definition of failure is deciding to quit.
So, put your oxygen mask on and take care of yourself first.