Shopping Wind Up Buying Ice

I just wanted a bag of ice and I'm at the checkout about to pay when I decided to ask the person what the water content was in the ice.

He frowned and his bottom lip protruded whilst he pondered my question and then whilst turning over the bag of ice to find something that would display the water content he said that it is a legal requirement that all foodstuffs should clearly state the calories, fibre, fat, sat fat, sugar and salt ... but he could not fathom out why the water content of the ice was not clearly displayed on the packaging.

All of a sudden I could hear what sounded like the same ringing tone you hear on a phone, then out of the blue, a femail voice “can I help?”

Cash register guy - “hello, customer querying the water content of ice cubes”

Help desk - “which brand ice cubes?”

Cash register guy - “our own label”
Help desk - “what size bag of our own brand ice cubes?”

Cash register guy - “1KG size bag”

Help desk - “stand by caller”

Eventually after waiting a few minutes and thinking I've been rumbled and imaging 'men in black' coming to eject me from the store, I too the decision to leave . Then along came a young man bearing a big badge that displayed “I'm William and here to help”.

The cash register guy, called Tom, asked William the helper what the water quantity of the ice was. William fumbled and scoured the ice bag for the water content and then, had a brain-wave; he used his walkie-talkie to request 'urgent' assistance.

Less than two minutes later and a quantity of helpful input from several members of staff, someone came back with the answer. Their own brand ice cubes contain '100%' water.

William was feeling a bit smug at this stage because he had finally solved the problem of water content in ice, I though there might still be some mileage in the wind-up so I told him I was delighted to know that the quality of this ice is no less than100% water, but asked if he would please contact the manager and ask if sell an economy version with less than 100% water content, and I suggested a diluted option,

William being dedicated to help my plight advised me that the store's own 'Basics' range is just frozen tap water, however he informed me that their 'Best' range is pure mineral water sourced from the Scottish mountains, naturally filtered through volcanic rock and trickled down from a million year old glazier - no less.

I put on a confused and sorrowful look whilst I commented to William that the freshness of this water and indeed the 'sell by date' concerned me as as the water was so old. Also what has all the the fish and other creatures being doing in that water for all those millions of years, peeing and mating in my pure mineral water just was not acceptable!