- One bristle short of a hog's mohawk
- One woofer short of a boom box
- One pancake short of a single-stack
- One cup short of 8 ounces
- One cell short of a bird brain
- One plank short of a pirate ship
- One OHM short of an out-of-mind experience
- One strap short of a G-string
Funny Idioms And Hilarious Sayings - All New
Brand-new funny idioms and recently created hilarious sayings along the lines of "one card short of a full deck" - phrases describing crazy or stupid people.
What do you say about someone who seems to be slightly off his rocker, out of whack, of the moronic persuasion, or an idiot?
You may announce that this person does not have all his ducks in a row, or that she falls one card short of a full deck. In this article you will find a bunch of new phrases along these lines, all from my own twisted mind. It's been fun coming up with these funny idioms!
Other funny ways of saying...
One card short of a full deck
Not the coolest cat in the litter box
For sure not the smoothest crooner in the choir!
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
What else could you say about a dim-witted person?
- Not the shiniest pearl in the choker
- Not the crispiest wing in the basket
- Not the freshest mop in the bucket
- Not the tightest string on a violin
Shining examples of glaring incompetence:
The supervisor of a CVS store hooked up with a buddy to "rob" his own business. Since he forgot to turn off the surveillance cameras, the whole thing was captured on video. Not only was the robber so nervous that he forgot to take the money bag with him, the supervisor himself actually delivered it to his "fleeing" buddy in the parking lot.
Another burglar entered a home and found several buckets with coins. He took the one with quarters and half-dollars, which added up to about $3,000. A couple of days later he returned for the bucket with nickels and dimes. This time he made $700.
Meanwhile, the owner had installed a burglar alarm. When the guy came back for the penny bucket...the police were waiting for him. What a fool!
Not the fluffiest sheets in the hamper, I'd say!
You can read a huge bunch more of these kinds of stories in the archives of News of the Weird.
Books on funny idioms
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What if someone is dumber than a box of hair?
Can it get any dumber?
- Dumber than a pail of pudd'n
- Dumber than a hamster on roller skates (think: wheel!)
- Dumber than a plumber in a mankini
- Dumber than a roadrunner on snowshoes
More commonly known funny sayings such as...
- A few screws short of a hardware store
- A few peas short of a casserole
- Not the brightest crayon in the box
- A few sandwiches short of a picnic
...and 169 more can be found on this "Not too bright list".
Another funny article o' mine
No funny sayings but hilarious pictures
Moose Hat Or Moose Slippers - Which Is Manlier?Women love men with crazy moose hats or fuzzy moose slippers. Find out why, where to get the manliest antler hats, and how it all started with Adam and Eve...
Are you gonna be stingier than a mess o' wasps, or are you gonna leave me a comment?
DerdriuMarrinerOct 16, 2018
EnelleLambAug 11, 2012
chefkeemJun 30, 2012
TolovajJun 30, 2012
But on the other hand Google Translate itself gives us some funny ideas too...
;)
chefkeemMay 22, 2012
I sure appreciate everyone's sense of humor. Wizzley authors are funnier than a pork knuckle in leggins!
GuestMay 22, 2012
You are one cool cat, inside or outside the litter box..
GuestMay 22, 2012
Jerrico_UsherMay 22, 2012
RagtimelilMay 21, 2012
chefkeemMay 21, 2012
GuestMay 21, 2012
WiseFoolMay 21, 2012
chefkeemMay 20, 2012
Cheryl - I'm sorry but I'm booked for years. Let me know, and maybe I can squeeze you in around 2027. I'd love to.
Jerrico_UsherMay 19, 2012
cheryloneMay 19, 2012
chefkeemMay 18, 2012
Makes me feel happier than a skeeter at the blood bank.
Jerrico_UsherMay 18, 2012
@Dustytoes LMAO, I was thinking the same thing the first time I saw that on his blog!
@katie, "Not Smart enough to pour pee out a boot with directions on the heel" OMG that's great!
ut oh Chef has published one more article than me, I better get on it!
dustytoesMay 18, 2012
katiem2May 18, 2012
I too have the very same issue with those dag nabit dishes. In fact my kids are going to hear me sing that very song from here out, bess go back and rehearse those moves, that'll send em over the edge, I can hear it now, "MOM!"
I want to add a few more
Dumber than a box of rocks
Not Smart enough to pour pee out a boot with directions on the heel
A bubble off plum (or squint as we Scots say)
Crazier than a loon
Here's one I just thought of especially for you, A dash short of a pinch
Thanks for the laughs, a great way to start a Friday :)