Why Gossip is So Destructive and How to Stop It Before it Starts

Gossip is very prevalent, no matter where you are or who you are with. But it's still wrong, even if it seems as if everybody else is doing it. Hurtful gossip consists of words and/or actions that may harm another person. Even an innuendo can be considered gossip if its intent is to discredit someone else.

For example, a group of people are gathered, and someone's name comes up, a roll of the eyes upward is enough to sully someone's reputation.

The best way to prevent gossip is not to listen to it. If someone starts a conversation about another, you can quickly short-circuit the attempt by politely changing the subject. The other party should get the message and move on. You can also bolster the person's reputation by offering a kind word, or attempting to excuse a certain behavior, without adding any more to the conversation.

Here is an example. Mrs. Jones says, "Did you know that Mrs. Smith's husband just went into treatment for drug abuse? I knew something was up when I saw his car parked in the driveway during the week, when he should have been at work."

You can simply say, "They're a really nice family," and quickly change the subject. Or you can just quickly change the subject.

Gossipers like to find fertile soil. That is, a willing ear and someone who will listen and contribute to talking about others behind their backs.

If you can't offer this, they will stop. So, when they're around you, they'll start to behave better because your silence will embarrass them.

They'll start to refrain from saying anything about anyone because their words will either be met with silence or a quick change of subject.

Some people are so good about spreading unflattering information that it's often hard to spot gossip, because it's done in such a subtle manner. But it crosses the line when someone says something about someone they wouldn't feel comfortable saying to their face.

There's a truism that whoever gossips about another to you, will then do the same to you. People who have poor control over their tongues cannot seem to help themselves. Don't make the mistake of thinking they won't talk about you, when you're not around. In fact, you can pretty much bank on this happening.

Because this is something that's so predictable, gossips soon earn themselves the reputation of being troublemakers. People become wary and uncomfortable when they enter a conversation, because they know that anything they say can and will be used against them, or even twisted into something that is fabricated and passed along as the truth.

Some people are such good gossips that what they say doesn't even sound as if they're maligning another, when, in fact, that's just what they're doing. Eventually, though, they expose themselves. In addition to ruining the reputation of others, they've permanently ruined their own as well.

If you'd like to read more about the harmful dynamics of gossip and relational aggression, please visit my blog on Female Bullies.