Baby Showers and Infertility: A Difficult Combination

_{Image above courtesy Jeremy Nicholson on Flickr, licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic.}

Talk about your feelings with friends and family who understand your struggles and don't keep your emotions bottled up inside. That said, don't take your grief and anger out on the mom-to-be. It's not her fault you are dealing with infertility any more so than it is yours. If you feel the need to rant, find an infertility support community online where you can vent to some understanding voices - anonymously. These are people who have been there and likely know exactly how you are feeling.

If the invitation is from a close friend or family member, you can still decline if it will be too painful for you to attend the shower in person. Think of it this way: you don't want to bring down the celebratory mood and ruin the party for the mom-to-be if you're going to feel depressed the entire time you're there (I've read plenty of stories about infertile women spending an entire baby shower hiding and crying in the bathroom. Okay, I've come close to doing the same thing myself.)

If you're very close to the mother-to-be, express your regrets for not attending in private and be honest about why you can't attend. Perhaps suggest meeting for a one-on-one lunch date in the near future to celebrate her pregnancy in an environment less stressful to you. Think of it this way: if a person is not close enough to you that you do not feel comfortable talking about your infertility with her, then you should feel no obligation to attend her baby shower party.

Spend your time at the shower with other women you know who do not have young children, and try to keep the conversation going about other matters if possible.

And remember this, too: If anyone starts pressing you about when you will be the celebrated guest of honor at a baby shower, smile and thank her for her concern about you, but do not feel obligated to reply. Your reproductive choices and struggles are no one else's business but your own.