Flash forward a several years to the present and that “thought provoking” comment about wanting to be a lesbian, and it’s obvious to anyone my mom has, as I said, come a long way.
Recently she wrote me an e-mail about how discontented she was becoming with her current life. She and my Dad retired and moved to Arizona, leaving beautiful, but rather soggy, Oregon behind. The problem, at least where my mom is concerned, is that when they moved to their retirement community they were joined by old friends they’d known for years and, having made a change, my mom decided to bring out sides of herself she'd never risked indulging before.
“Why do things have to be like they were in Oregon?" my mom wrote me once. "I have a new life, all these new lady friends and we love to go to lunch together, golf, see a movie and laugh, and no one criticizes me or makes me feel bad the way they sometimes did before, in our old community.” She went on to say that she feels she’s “done her duty.” She’s been the good wife, the good mother, the good friend. She’s put her needs aside for others, sacrificed her ambitions for those of the people around her, and did it willingly and without regret. Enough is enough!
I’ve found that once you start respecting who you are inside, it’s difficult to turn back.
“You know what it sounds like to me?” I wrote to mom. “It sounds like you’ve decided your need to be true to yourself is more important than getting approval from others. It’s like what I had to go through. You’re doing your own kind of ‘coming out.’ I think everyone needs to ‘come out’ in this way at some point.”
I got a long e-mail from my mom after that. She wrote me in great detail how she had used my “coming out” comparison on her circle of friends and in her writing class, and how they have encouraged her to continue in the direction she is going.
Comments
What wonderful comments, thanks for sharing! And congratulations!
As an older woman I have found it much easier to embrace who I am, who I am not, and who I will never be. There is a certain peace in embracing this philosophy. I think that once we reach 50, we come to realize that we are living our own lives and don't need to apologize to anyone. We have been the good daughter, the good wife, the good mother. Now I am the good woman!
Exactly, writing is a great outlet. I can remember turning to pencil and paper since I was old enough to write.
That is so very kind of you to say, I'll share that with my Mom, she'll be flattered, thank you! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, sometimes life just doesn't seem to make any sense. I think that's one of the reasons we write about things, don't you? Thanks for the comment, I really appreciated it.
BTW, Your mother is beautiful.
You know I recently lost my Mom, if was way before her time and all without a moment of illness though her entire life. She and I had a great relationship, she was a wonderful writer and we shared many a writers moment. While I mourn the loss of my own mother it warmed my heart to read about you and yours, treasure it and enjoy every moment creating as many as you can.
Thanks you for the kind words clouda9, I really appreciate it!
Thanks, it's one of those things you maybe don't think about until you actually do it and realize how much better off you are :)
Good for you and your mom ! I can certainly see the attraction of moving somewhere new and "reinventing" yourself leaving all the old baggage behind.
Your mom sounds really smart and enlightened! I've given up "friendships" with people I dreaded talking to or being around and do what I want. I'm much happier!