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Can I get some feedback, please?  

Check out my first page at Wizzley

 
soni2006
Posts: 6
Message
on 06/22/2011

Hello friends,

I have written a page on Wizzley for the first time since I joined 2 days back. If you have time, please review my page and give me some feedback on how to imporove it. Your feedback will help me write quality pages at Wizzley.

Here is the link to my page:

http://wizzley.com/abs-vs-non-abs-cars/

Thanks.


Experience the advent of creative writing at Wizzley and earn more revenue at HubPages
chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 06/22/2011

I would add some pictures from public domain or Creative Commons sources.


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
bizilady
Posts: 122
Message
on 06/22/2011

I read it and it's very informative but i need to see something visual.

Like Chef said, a few pictures..

i may suggest getting a video on how the abs vs non-abs brakes work in cars in motion..Laughing


Do what makes you happy- I write and create Hubpages
vikksimmons
Posts: 71
Message
on 06/27/2011

It's really informative. I would make the following suggestions. 

Because Internet readers tend to skim, you don't want to lose them in the volume of text at the beginning. You might break some of that information up:

  1. What Does ABS Mean? You do this in the first paragraph but you could use keywords and text to title and subtitle the section to grab interest. 
  2. Why Is ABS A Good Investment? You answer this in the next couple of paragraphs where you explain why ABS is needed.
  3. Why ABS is an Important Safety Feature You answer this in your summary paragraph with the "in a nutshell" reference. 

You could also add a bit more so that you hit the linear fast readers who won't read dense paragraphs and also explain why people don't consider ABS. Your argument is that ABS is needed and valuable and I'm wondering why people don't automatically buy it. 

  1. You could add a paragraph in there that lists reasons why people don't buy the ABS system. 
  2. Add a list paragraph on the top reasons to buy one. 
  3. Add a quiz test of some kind on what you have to do if you have them and if you don't. 
  4. See if you can find braking distance graphic maybe from a gov site that puts it in the public domain. :) 
  5. You could even list car manufacturers who are known to have superior ABS systems. 

Finally, this is like a mini-new car guide. So if you have the expertise, you could do a few more pages on different subjects and interlink them, then add them together in a page where you feature each one with a summary paragraph. :) 

Just some ideas. I found this very helpful. 


soni2006
Posts: 6
Message
on 06/27/2011

OMG. Thank you thank you so much for giving me that feedback. I love this. In my 3 years of being at Hubpages, no one has given me such a wonderful feedback that could help me improve my writing and online publishing skills. I am really honored to receive such great tips from a great writer and online publisher. I respect you and will rethink, restructure, optimize with keywords, and modify my first page before moving on to publish another. I have learned a lot from this post. Once again, thank you so much awesome lady for the great help.

On a side note, I will also utilize these tips to win some prizes in Hubpages Share A Like Contest starting July 1, 2011 and when I will win, I will let you know.


Experience the advent of creative writing at Wizzley and earn more revenue at HubPages
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