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Can I get some feedback, please?  

First article on Wizzley!

 
Winterfate
Posts: 5
Message
on 07/17/2012

I'd like to get some feedback for my currently only published article on this site:

http://wizzley.com/facebook-the-anti-social-network/

Essentially, I came up with a short article on why Facebook is an anti-social network. I'd like to know if I got my point across, or did it come off as too long-winded and/or ranty?

I have a habit of dragging when I write, especially when I get writer's block. While I have a bunch of published articles at Hubpages, they're mostly about video games, so writing about social networks is actually a bit of a leap for me.

(I'm hoping I can diversify a bit here without getting yelled at for stretching my content all across the Internet, in terms of topics).

So, tell me what you think! What can I improve?


Thanks for your time! :D

lobobrandon
Posts: 534
Message
on 07/18/2012

Looks good, but no comments as I've never written about social networks before :) Another point - I'm not that good myself.

However, I'd like to think your products won't make any sales - I doubt people will want to know about Facebook because you're writing about the anti-social aspect. Hence they already know the basics about FB. 

You could add some books that give some FB tips n tricks (If they do exist)


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Winterfate
Posts: 5
Message
on 07/18/2012

Hey, a familiar HP face! :D


Thanks for the feedback lobobrandon! I went and tweaked the Amazon capsule a bit. :)

Sam
Posts: 723
Message
on 07/18/2012

Good article! I would tweak the Amazon capsule a bit further, by moving it up higher and by adding some books that 'rant' about Facebook and other social networks. Ask yourself what a person that reads your article would be inclined to buy? I would also add a module, either Zazzle or Amazon, at the end with some beautiful letter stationary and title it on the lines 'now sit down and write your Mom a REAL letter!'. Just my 2adcents, SY


lobobrandon
Posts: 534
Message
on 07/18/2012

Oh and your amazon capsule looks bad - HP style :) Try making it a gallery so that it's more prominent. When you edit it choose Gallery in the Layout and then make further modifications till your happy


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dustytoes
Posts: 1140
Message
on 07/18/2012

Good article in my opinion.  I think a picture in one of the modules might help with the overall look of the page - but I am a picture freak!!  Not everyone feels the same.

Welcome, too..!


bizilady
Posts: 122
Message
on 07/18/2012

I just read it and left a comment. I think it's a good article..welcome


Do what makes you happy- I write and create Hubpages
Winterfate
Posts: 5
Message
on 07/19/2012

Thanks for all of the help guys! I'm up to my third article now. :)

I'm happy that this is such a warm community. :D

JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
Message
on 07/24/2012

Being a noob myself, I feel a bit dodgy giving out advice in here.  That's why I leave it to the veterans.

But I did want to add that I'm really enjoying your gaming articles here. :)


katiem2
Posts: 1044
Message
on 07/24/2012

Looking good Winterfate Cool


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