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Can I get some feedback, please?

First article on Wizzley!

Winterfate
Posts: 5
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on 07/17/2012

I'd like to get some feedback for my currently only published article on this site:

http://wizzley.com/facebook-the-anti-social-network/

Essentially, I came up with a short article on why Facebook is an anti-social network. I'd like to know if I got my point across, or did it come off as too long-winded and/or ranty?

I have a habit of dragging when I write, especially when I get writer's block. While I have a bunch of published articles at Hubpages, they're mostly about video games, so writing about social networks is actually a bit of a leap for me.

(I'm hoping I can diversify a bit here without getting yelled at for stretching my content all across the Internet, in terms of topics).

So, tell me what you think! What can I improve?


Thanks for your time! :D

lobobrandon
Posts: 477
Message
on 07/18/2012

Looks good, but no comments as I've never written about social networks before :) Another point - I'm not that good myself.

However, I'd like to think your products won't make any sales - I doubt people will want to know about Facebook because you're writing about the anti-social aspect. Hence they already know the basics about FB. 

You could add some books that give some FB tips n tricks (If they do exist)


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Winterfate
Posts: 5
Message
on 07/18/2012

Hey, a familiar HP face! :D


Thanks for the feedback lobobrandon! I went and tweaked the Amazon capsule a bit. :)

Sam
Posts: 688
Message
on 07/18/2012

Good article! I would tweak the Amazon capsule a bit further, by moving it up higher and by adding some books that 'rant' about Facebook and other social networks. Ask yourself what a person that reads your article would be inclined to buy? I would also add a module, either Zazzle or Amazon, at the end with some beautiful letter stationary and title it on the lines 'now sit down and write your Mom a REAL letter!'. Just my 2adcents, SY


lobobrandon
Posts: 477
Message
on 07/18/2012

Oh and your amazon capsule looks bad - HP style :) Try making it a gallery so that it's more prominent. When you edit it choose Gallery in the Layout and then make further modifications till your happy


Check out my blog SEO for Dummies
dustytoes
Posts: 1087
Message
on 07/18/2012

Good article in my opinion.  I think a picture in one of the modules might help with the overall look of the page - but I am a picture freak!!  Not everyone feels the same.

Welcome, too..!

Guest
on 07/18/2012

I just read it and left a comment. I think it's a good article..welcome


Do what makes you happy- I write and create Hubpages
Winterfate
Posts: 5
Message
on 07/19/2012

Thanks for all of the help guys! I'm up to my third article now. :)

I'm happy that this is such a warm community. :D

JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
Message
on 07/24/2012

Being a noob myself, I feel a bit dodgy giving out advice in here.  That's why I leave it to the veterans.

But I did want to add that I'm really enjoying your gaming articles here. :)


katiem2
Posts: 979
Message
on 07/24/2012

Looking good Winterfate Cool


Katie McMurray
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