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Can I get some feedback, please?  

First attempt at a review

 
Paul
Posts: 256
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on 12/30/2012

Hi! I'm not really used to writing review/sales articles, so I was wondering if someone more knowledgeable than myself could indicate as to whether I'm on the right track with my review of LIMBO.

Thank you! Smile

Jerrico_Usher
Posts: 1210
Message
on 12/30/2012

That's one way to do it- the information first ads later approach. The problem, however is I don't think it's that effective. I like to make sure at least (when possible) one block is at the top above the fold (ad block i.e. amazon). I also think sprinkling them throughout is more effective clickthrough's.

In this case putting the games in their list amazon module next to the paragraphs your writing will keep them in front of their peripheral vision (subconscious?) and will narrow their focus to a shorter bunch of lines or words making it easier overall for them to read your article because their eyes won't strain across the screen as much especially if they have a huge monitor (like me) and reading a Wizzley could mean eyeball calisthenics :)

The article should also reflect your point in graphics- rather your artistic cleverness point about the game- there should be pictures that blow them away, doesn't have to be the game just an emotion trigger- use pixabay for those- I find amazing images there!

Also if you really want to drive it home, it being a moving game- you should visit youtube and find as many stunning video's as you can to put over the ads to really make the game feel the way it would if they owned it- watching is the same as doing- mirroring neurons and all :)

heres one that should be full screen and topmost of the article (meaning under the first paragraph or picture:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT6M1_NnNZ8

The information is well written and perfect, I just scanned right quick. Man looking at this I want to dig in and reformat it just a little lol

Overall not a bad first run, but you want to inform AND sizzle- landing I was bored to be honest- nothing grabbed my attention.

Jerrico


Jerrico Usher - The Grass May Be Greener On The Other Side But I Installed A Mirror Over There! :-) - Join Our Wizzler Chat Room created by the people for the people to the people
chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 12/30/2012

The only thing I would change is the location of the Amazon block. I'd move it above the summary, so it's not right next to the AdSense block. I always try to have a text box or an image between the last in-article ad and the Google ad.

Yes, we want folks to click on our custom ads. But if they're not interested in our offers, we don't want them to miss the Google ad.

Otherwise, I think it's a fine review. It gives a good idea of the nature of the game, and it actually made me very curious about it.

Less can be more, sometimes. Smile


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
wrapitup4me
Posts: 46
Message
on 12/31/2012

I hate computer games and usually avoid reading about them as I find it absolutely boring and incomprehensible. However, you managed to arouse my interest - two things did that; first, your description made it sound like the game is an intelligent puzzle and I love puzzles; secondly, you mentioned that it is not expensive (did you use the word, cheap?). If I wasn't in a hurry this morning, I would have clicked on to see just how inexpensive.  Laughing

humagaia
Posts: 652
Message
on 12/31/2012

Paul, I've read what the others have said but still think there are some additional points I can make, as follows:

1. Put line breaks after each full stop in the intro paragraph (to limit the white space to the side of the first ad block and the first video 

OR 

add another sentence or two, such as: 

"Limbo is bothe game play and puzzle solving at its best."

2. Call the next paragraph "LIMBO Gameplay".

I thought I would need to add some more to this but found I did not.

If you meant to follow the games' stark nature with your page creation style, you did so (with the B&W pictures and video) - not a criticism, just an observation.

The writing style is informative, without much gaming techno-speak (good IMHO) and gave me some insights into what to expect, without 'giving the game away'.

Good job!

 


Paul
Posts: 256
Message
on 12/31/2012

Thank you all - I've taken your suggestions and implemented them. I thought I'd be awful at writing them, but that's apparently not the case!

I'm also surprised (and glad) that I managed to pique the interest of you, wrapitup4me, which is a great compliment for me. And just so you're aware, I bought the game on sale and it cost me £1.74, usually it can range from £5-£10. Smile

And thank you, humagaia - the white space is now removed and title fixed! The page's style sort of created itself, the entire game's black and white and is very atmospheric even if just taking screenshots from it! The only thing I did was chose a black background!

Thank you all again for your constructive criticism!

dustytoes
Posts: 1140
Message
on 12/31/2012

I don't know what it looked like before all the help you got here, but I found the page to be just the right length so as not to bore me.  I am also someone who does not play.  The writing was engaging enough to keep my interest anyway.  I like that the entire page is black and white like the game apparently is also.

I would say that you are a very good review writer.


Paul
Posts: 256
Message
on 12/31/2012

 

Dustytoes: 12/31/2012 - 08:11 AM

I don't know what it looked like before all the help you got here, but I found the page to be just the right length so as not to bore me.  I am also someone who does not play.  The writing was engaging enough to keep my interest anyway.  I like that the entire page is black and white like the game apparently is also.

I would say that you are a very good review writer.

I suppose this is great evidence that the comments above and my corrections have achieved their desired effects! And thank you, I most likely will continue down this path and see where it takes me. Smile

HollieT
Posts: 379
Message
on 12/31/2012

I'm rubbish when it comes to reviews, Paul. It all looked pretty good to me though. 

Paul
Posts: 256
Message
on 01/01/2013

Thank you, Hollie! Even as someone just reading it, so long as it seemed good and wasn't terrible, it's a good thing!

CADoerr
Posts: 67
Message
on 01/02/2013

I also think reviews about computer games are on of the hardest things form my point of view and I do not dare to write one for games I play so far.


English is my second language. If you spot a typo or something grammatically incorrect, please private message me with the correction.
Paul
Posts: 256
Message
on 01/02/2013

They're tough, but as I play a ton of games and such, I imagine someone like me reading the review and asking myself what I'd want to read. 

CADoerr
Posts: 67
Message
on 01/02/2013

I was thinking about to write a review about "Bloodbowl - Chaos Edition" which was released in december as far as I know and "Endless Space" as I am a strategy gaming fan but well.....it is very hard for me and will take a lot of time to pick the right words and to transfer my feelings into plain text.

Right now I am working on an article about Karate written in English as Karate is part of my life.

Christian


English is my second language. If you spot a typo or something grammatically incorrect, please private message me with the correction.
cazort
Posts: 98
Message
on 01/02/2013

I think this is a good page...you convey the uniqueness of this game, and you address a lot of concerns that people have with puzzle-oriented games.

My main suggestion would be to include some screenshots from the game, as a group of images.  I tend not to like to watch videos when I visit pages, so without watching that video, I think screenshots would be important.  You could put them between two of the groups of text, perhaps?


Alex Zorach, editor of RateTea and co-founder of Why This Way
Paul
Posts: 256
Message
on 01/02/2013

CADoerr - Well, after you've written a couple more articles in English, it might be worth a try at one of the game reviews - it can't hurt! :)

cazort - All the pictures in there currently are screenshots from the game Tongue Out I'm not sure if you meant add more (as a bulk block) but thank you for the comments regardless! I enjoyed reading your tea articles, by the way - something I never thought I'd sit and read about!

CADoerr
Posts: 67
Message
on 01/02/2013

 

cazort: 01/02/2013 - 10:14 AM

I think this is a good page...you convey the uniqueness of this game, and you address a lot of concerns that people have with puzzle-oriented games.

My main suggestion would be to include some screenshots from the game, as a group of images.  I tend not to like to watch videos when I visit pages, so without watching that video, I think screenshots would be important.  You could put them between two of the groups of text, perhaps?

Well tastes are different as I prefer to watch videos of video games instead of screenshots :). A golden middleway might be the right choice.


English is my second language. If you spot a typo or something grammatically incorrect, please private message me with the correction.
Jerrico_Usher
Posts: 1210
Message
on 01/02/2013

You know there is a still for every video- if you created your own videos you could set the first frame to what "picture" or shot you want to show, thus creating both

Well tastes are different as I prefer to watch videos of video games instead of screenshots :). A golden middleway might be the right choice.

 


Jerrico Usher - The Grass May Be Greener On The Other Side But I Installed A Mirror Over There! :-) - Join Our Wizzler Chat Room created by the people for the people to the people
Paul
Posts: 256
Message
on 01/02/2013

Most of my games are played on an Xbox 360 and to record I'd need a HD PVR which are fairly expensive, not to mention the editing software and time poured into it needed :(

I'd like to do it, but it's not an option at the moment! The videos I use are game trailers anyway because they're designed to, well, advertise the product to the viewer so I figure putting that at the top before my review can only help potential ad clicks!

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