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Can I get some feedback, please?  

Hi all! Newbie willing to receive feedback.

 
rabbitagent99
Posts: 31
Message
on 10/29/2015

I just posted my first two articles and I am working on a third. There is one in particular that I would like feedback for and it is the one reguarding online dating safety- I realize that the information in the article is best and has the most utility for women over 40 who have divorced therefore are not used to dating, married before online dating, online dating a new concept, ect. This article is one of those that doesn't involve my ego at all- it is more for the sake of helping others, possibly save someone from an attack or death, so I could also use feedback on where I might leave a link for the target audience. 

thanks in advance! Nice friendly community!

CountrySunshine
Posts: 15
Message
on 10/29/2015

Hello and welcome!

I read your article on online dating, and it does have some good advice.  I would suggest, however, that you go back and proof-read it several times.  There are a number of words that are either missing or are the wrong tense. 

The first sentence I noticed was in the summary, right below the title:  "a list of tips for women to stay safe while when meeting people".  I would choose either the "while" or the "when", but not both.  The second paragraph also has a mistake in the first sentence ("when do so"). 

I find that when I read an article out loud, I tend to find more mistakes.  You might wish to try something along those lines.  

Good luck with your articles!  I'm looking forward to reading more!

rabbitagent99
Posts: 31
Message
on 10/29/2015

I did proof it several times; I likely didn't paste correctly. Thanks for the alert

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CarleyClagg
Posts: 4
Message
on 11/02/2015

Hello, I am new to the site as well and only have two articles posted:) Your article sounds interesting! I'll give it a read. I could use some feedback on my articles as well :)

sockii
Posts: 21
Message
on 11/04/2015

Hi rabbitagent99, welcome to Wizzley!

I also noticed a few grammatical problems, nothing especially bad that would throw me out of the article but verb tense mismatches, "their" when "his" would be correct, etc.

I would suggest a few other things as well:

1. Break up your text into some smaller paragraphs and use module titles/subtitles more. This helps make the text easier to read online and also can help an article flow better, when you use the title modules to summarize/make transitions in the text.

2. Use more descriptive titles for images--or select not to show the image titles at all. Image titles like "she" and "reflection" don't really add anything to the topic (and I assume you're getting images from properly licensed or free sources, correct? I didn't see any image credits given.)

3. The inclusion of the "The Awkward Lesbian's Guide to Dating" book at the end seems, well...awkward and not really on topic, since this article seems geared primarily toward heterosexual dating. One reason why a lot of article sites have had trouble with google in recent times is being stuffed with product links that aren't relevant to the topic being discussed, so choose your Amazon products carefully - and also try to give some descriptive text that ties them in to your article as well.

rabbitagent99
Posts: 31
Message
on 11/05/2015

Thank you for such thoughtful feedback; This was my first post, it took a very long time because I was trying to figure out the set-up. Thanks for the tips. 

As for the book on lesbian dating I intentionally left that in as per amazon tag search; I almost deleted it; my opinion is different than yours. The online safety guide is for women, and this doesn't exclude women meeting women- the safety issues still follow the same guidelines even if the consequences of not following them aren't the same. It is statistically safer to meet a woman you don't know, but it still has its own set of risks. I write about what I know personally, but I also strive to be inclusive and there is a lack of information for same-sex couples and if there is an outside source I can include, that can give more information then I have then I include it. 

sockii
Posts: 21
Message
on 11/06/2015

If you feel it relevant then I would expand upon your reasons for including it within the text of your article--as you did here in your above response. Otherwise it just feels out of place, and doesn't have enough text to anchor it as relevant (ie, no one who is searching google for information on lesbian dating safety is likely to end up on your article.)

Or, edit something in to the earlier text of the article to be more inclusive in the language you use, to make it clearer that you are not just talking about women dating men but women dating men or women. (I'm a bisexual woman myself, though happily in a relationship for 10 years now, therefore long out of the dating scene. But from my POV I reached the end of the page and was like, "Oh. Okay. Didn't see that coming." The POV read pretty strictly heterosexual to me.)

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