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Can I get some feedback, please?  

Looking for feedback

 
bhthanks
Posts: 169
Message
on 04/02/2012

I am interested in feedback on my latest article.

Here it is:

http://wizzley.com/how-to-choose-a-day-care-or-playgroup/

 Any suggestions?

Thanks!

katiem2
Posts: 1044
Message
on 04/02/2012

Reads nicely, other than that it needs a few images. 

Smile


bhthanks
Posts: 169
Message
on 04/02/2012

 

Thanks Katie! I'm working on adding images now.

JaneG
Posts: 11
Message
on 04/02/2012

Not a bad article.

Here and there it seems a little repetitive. I feel like I want you to get to the point in shorter sentences.

For instance: "Some factors that might influence your decision might be whether they have experience with children, and the type of language that they use: do they use inappropriate language?"

I would write: "Decisive factors in my choice would be: the staffs experience with children and their appropriate use of language."

Also, perhaps you can encourage reader participation by adding a poll.


bhthanks
Posts: 169
Message
on 04/02/2012

 Thanks, Jane! I changed that sentence and added a poll. I also added images.

I appreciate the feedback!

Sam
Posts: 723
Message
on 04/02/2012

I would also add things like how the staff is vetted (criminal record check ect) and if all staff has done a first aid course ;-) Plus information about supervision of the staff, rules of conduct (always at least two carers with the children ...)


bhthanks
Posts: 169
Message
on 04/04/2012

Wow, I hadn't even thought of that. I'll have to remember to edit it, and add in those points later.

Thanks!

Sam: 02. Apr 2012, 20:19

I would also add things like how the staff is vetted (criminal record check ect) and if all staff has done a first aid course ;-) Plus information about supervision of the staff, rules of conduct (always at least two carers with the children ...)

 

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