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Can I get some feedback, please?  

New Author here, Some Feedback Please?

 
Laura_Philips
Posts: 8
Message
on 01/29/2012

Hi I am new to Wizzley and have just published my 6th article. Would love to get some feedback please? 

This is the article

What do toddlers eat

 

Thanks in advance

Sam
Posts: 723
Message
on 01/29/2012

Hi Laura, and welcome to Wizzley ;-)

I have a go at it, shall I? But bear in mind I have been proven wrong in the past on some occasions, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

First what I like: You actually know what you are talking about and that shows. I also think that the way you presented the Amazon modules should work rather well.

What I would improve is that the article sounds a bit 'dry' and impersonal. I would add a story or two how you coped with a particular situation regarding food and toddlers. It sounds a bit theoretical as it is. Have a look at this article by Jo

http://wizzley.com/is-your-home-safe-for-a-deaf-person/

She starts with a story, after the short introduction and lets us see why this topic is so important for her and how she copes with it and what other resources she has found helpful in the past.

The other thing is I would give the term 'toddler' a few more variations, like 'my two year old', child, kid, etc. Whilst I see that 'what do toddlers eat' is your main keyword, I would also add a few LSI keyword, they are poshly called latent semantic indexing keywords but all this means simply that they are words a search engine expects to find when 'reading' and article about toddler.

Hope that helps ;-)


chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 01/29/2012

Fabulous feedback, Sam! Thanks.  Smile


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
Jimmie
Posts: 338
Message
on 01/29/2012

You've got lots of content there -- high word count. But I would break it up with more visuals and formatting that makes your text easy to scan. (Using bulletted lists, headings, italics and bold.) Help your reader zero in on key ideas.

I have a self-imposed rule that I must have something visual no matter where the reader has scrolled on the page. You've got some huge chunks of text with nothing visual whatsoever to draw the reader on down the page. Even a headline or bulletted list works to draw the eye.

Sadly, online visitors scan instead of read. 

Digby_Adams
Posts: 698
Message
on 01/29/2012

Jimmie I think that's an excellent rule. Laura if you wrote your Wizzle with hopes of making money, I would rethink the product placement. Show case them in the layout. I'd reduce the large picture of the baby with a peice of fruit by half.

Laura_Philips
Posts: 8
Message
on 01/31/2012

Thank you Sam, great advice, Jo's article is excellent, I can't write as well as that but I will try and personalize my article a bit more.

Thanks again!

Laura_Philips
Posts: 8
Message
on 01/31/2012

Thanks Jimmie, yes there is quite a lot of text, I tend to ramble and do need to add a little more structure to the article. Your rule is a great idea and one I will try to implement in all my future articles

Laura_Philips
Posts: 8
Message
on 01/31/2012

Thanks Digby

I wanted to try out that layout for Amazon because I am used to hubpages and this seemed like a nice new way to display products. I will test out other ways to incorporate Amazon into the article.

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