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Can I get some feedback, please?  

Requesting feedback for my second Wizzley page :)

 
CADoerr
Posts: 67
Message
on 10/04/2012

Hi!

As I am inexpierenced in writing in English and I do not know if my English knowledge is sufficient to write articles in English I want to get some feedback on my second Wizzley Page .

Gender Wage Gap in Austria proves Gender Inequality


English is my second language. If you spot a typo or something grammatically incorrect, please private message me with the correction.
dustytoes
Posts: 1140
Message
on 10/04/2012

The writing is fine, with the exceptions of a few minor words that could be changed.  I think that making more paragraphs, or adding spaces between text in a module will make the page easier to read.

I can't imagine trying to write an article in any language other than my own English, so my hat is off to you!


cazort
Posts: 98
Message
on 01/11/2013

This is an important issue and I'm glad you've chosen to write about it!  I'm also passionate about ending gender-based discrimination.

My main comment is that if you're using strong language in your title, like the word "proves", it is important to cite more sources and cite sources earlier in the article.  I also think that seeing hard data or figures, backed up by sources, would be important earlier on in the article.

If you want to keep the piece as-is, which reads like more of an opinion piece, that's fine, but I think it would be important to then update the title to reflect that.  I think a claim like "proves" requires a little more serious research if I'm going to take the page seriously.  I think this is true even if (in a case like this) I myself agree with the opinions being presented.


Alex Zorach, editor of RateTea and co-founder of Why This Way
CADoerr
Posts: 67
Message
on 01/11/2013

I changed the title as I did not know that is was such a strong word in English. I am a beginner concerning writing in English and  at university my lecturers call my writing style popular scientific :).

Thanks for the advice.


English is my second language. If you spot a typo or something grammatically incorrect, please private message me with the correction.
Sam
Posts: 723
Message
on 01/29/2013

 

CADoerr: 10/04/2012 - 07:14 AM

Hi!

As I am inexpierenced in writing in English and I do not know if my English knowledge is sufficient to write articles in English I want to get some feedback on my second Wizzley Page .

Gender Wage Gap in Austria proves Gender Inequality

From one non-native speaker to the other, you are doing great! I would re-work the sidebar a bit to make the articles there a bit more relevant to your topic, apart of that, great article. SY


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