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Can I get some feedback, please?  

Should I Add the Other Half of the Stories?

 
JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 11/20/2013

ChefKeem suggested that I bring this to the forums for second (third, fourth, fifth etc) opinions.

Today I've written a Wizzle introducing several First Aid scenarios.  These are all incidents that have actually happened in my life, selected from nearly two decades of being a First Aider.  On each occasions, I outline the situation, then stop at the point where I entered it.  Each one begins with 'what would you do?' and ends with 'I dealt with it'.

The idea was that people either answer with, 'I'd have done x, y and z' or else realize that they wouldn't have known what to do, and are therefore inspired to get some First Aid training.

I didn't explain my actions, in order to prompt that thinking.  Plus I thought that it would change the whole thrust of the article (what would YOU do).  Adding my actions would make them into sweet, self-contained stories. People could read, find satisfaction, then walk away and forget about them. 

I was also worried that it'd look like an article all about how Jo saved the day.  Apart from the sheer arrogance of that, it also diminishes the part of the real heroes here - the emergency services.

However, Achim reckons that the article would work much, much better with my actions added in to complete each story. What do you think?

A friend of mine has offered another solution, which is to write a series of follow on articles, each taking a different aspect of First Aid and writing about that, e.g. fractures, heart attacks etc.  Then linking up from the 'I dealt with it' lines.


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Ember
Posts: 3
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on 11/20/2013

I really like what you're doing with it. I think the stories might sound more like they've ended if you put "what would you have done at the end." 

And then I understand why you limited the info but if people still feel like the stories need more of a conclusion maybe you can say how everyone ended up at the end so we know they're okay? >.>

JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 11/20/2013

Ooops!  I did mean to add at the end that everyone involved survived!

I like your thinking on this too. It would make it more obvious that the stories had finished.

This is a useful exercise in learning how to write too!


WriterArtist
Posts: 145
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on 11/20/2013

I am sure we will get to see very relevant answers. Besides; people will be more prepared to deal such situations.


JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 11/21/2013

Ember - I've added 'What would you have done?' to the end of each scenario.   Everyone - does that now make it more clear that we've finished with that story?

WriterArtist - I really hope so!  Are you agreeing with Achim, that I should add in my actions?

 

I should point out here that I'm more on the fence than it may sound. I'm enjoying the fact that this is a learning exercise re writing. :)


AlexandriaIngham
Posts: 109
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on 11/21/2013

Personally, I don't think they need explaining. You've added at the end why you didn't tell people what you did. If you get a lot of people wanting it, maybe you could create another article that explains what you did and link it as a reference to the first so people can check what they'd do against what you did.

dustytoes
Posts: 1140
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on 11/21/2013

I had just read your page, before I saw this forum topic.

Maybe at the end of the page you could briefly add an outcome to each of your little stories.  Number them and have the answer with each number as the last thing the reader sees... ???..

 

 


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chefkeem
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Posts: 3394
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on 11/21/2013

I don't think you will 'inspire people to learn First Aid' with a half-baked story. They already showed interest by coming to your page, and now they learn ... nothing. 

'I dealt with it' sounds cruel and, well, a bit arrogant ("nya-nya-nya - I know what to do and you don't, do you? Better git yer butt into the next FA course!").

By not sharing the whole story, you failed your role as a story teller. After all, people get inspired by example. ("Ooh, look what she did! I wanna learn that, too!")

Your "quiz-concept" may work in a conversational setting (off-line), when people may start guessing a good approach to those situations. But still - they'll look at you first for correct answers, because you have presented yourself as an expert. Only after their initial curiosity is satisfied, they may get interested in learning more.

Pardon my bluntness, Jo. It's only my opinion. And we know what that means: Everyone has one - just like rear body cavities. Laughing


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
nightowl
Admin
Posts: 519
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on 11/21/2013

I tend to agree with chef on this one.

It's quite apparent that you want to motivate people to learn (or brush up on) First Aid skills and be prepared for emergency situations.

On the other hand, I have a hard time identifying your target audience:

1: People who seek information about "what" and "how" are left hanging (with a bit of an aftertaste to boot, like chef pointed out so eloquently...)

2: People who want to be entertained are left cliff-hanging, with no possible way out.

3: People who need to summon up motivation to take a course in First Aid or buy supplies? I doubt they'd come to your page by anything other than pure chance (or by reading this forum Tongue Out, of course)

In my own humble opinion, I'd tone down the condescending "I know, but you probably don't" (even if we here *know* you had no intention of gloating) and do provide the endings to your stories. Even if it was your intention to get the reader to seek out proper training instead of mindlessly consuming your solutions, you will at least have satisfied scenario 1 and 2. Since you're such an accomplished writer, you might even get a stab at succeeding with #3.


SEO Praxis: Specializing in WordPress Hosting and Small Business Web Design.
JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 11/21/2013

Thank you all for your feedback. 

Achim - no bluntness needs pardoning here. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still learning my craft in writing.  I tried something, but if it's not doing what I set out to do, then it hasn't worked.

I'm going to think about what everyone has said and then look at the Wizzle again. :D

 


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chefkeem
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Posts: 3394
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on 11/21/2013

You're a good sport, Jo.  Smile


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 11/21/2013

Ok, I've added the other half of the stories in, so you can all see what I did in those situations.  I removed the last scenario though, as part of it was illegal drug First Aid, which is a whole different ball-game.


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chefkeem
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Posts: 3394
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on 11/21/2013

Bloody good article, Jo! Muuuuch more fun to read.  Smile 


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 11/21/2013

Yay!  Thanks for taking me on the journey there. I learned a lot from it. :D

 

EDIT:  Bloody Hell!  WOW!  THANK YOU! :o


AlexandriaIngham
Posts: 109
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on 11/22/2013

Reading it again, I stand corrected and do like that you've added your story. It really does add to it. I think I like the fact that there is something between the different sections, so I have to wait to read what you did. It gives time to think instead of peaking at the answers below.

Well done, Jo.

teddletonmr
Posts: 143
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on 11/24/2013

Jo, first thanks for your compassion for your fellow man / woman, I believe we will all agree learning how to, and then put into actions administering first aid are two completely different things.

Secondly, recounting situations where we find ourselves the only person properly first aid trained, and emotionally capable of assessing the situation, and doing what needs doing sets us apart from those that get that deer in the head light look in their eyes.

Your article, well written from a hand on witness’s point of view, I wonder what bystanders would say about you coming to provide aid to the injured strangers.

As far as style, the storyteller works, maybe a role-playing style would draw different readers into taking action. See the importance of first taking advantage of the useful first aid kindle stuff, then what first aid kit is best for the car, office, home and keeping in a daypack.

As a scouter, and old jarhead myself I do understand your compulsion for tackling the importance of understanding both how to and when first aid is must have knowledge, every life we help improve / save is a gift.


Make it a great day, teddletonmr
JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
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on 12/07/2013

I'm so sorry!  Somehow I missed seeing these replies!  Better late than never. <3

Alex - I do enjoy these learning curves!  When Achim first said to add in my part of it, I was very skeptical. It felt like it was bigging up my role to the point of arrogance, and missing the point of the article.  I came here at his suggestion for further opinions, as he could tell that I wasn't convinced.

I've sussed now that the first rule of thumb is to listen to Achim.  He's been at this game a lot longer than me, and he knows what works!  I'm glad too that I added in the second halves of the story. It does read much better.

Thank you. <3

Mike - You're welcome.  Though I can't imagine not acting in those situations.  I've never understood those who do stand like deer in headlights, though I have sympathy for people panicking.  Thinking about it, I suppose that the two are interlinked.  Freezing can be just another way of panicking. 

I've had people gushing out thanks, which is the part I generally find a bit awkward. I was just doing what I'd hope anyone would do, especially if the person in trouble was me or one of mine!

What do you mean by a role-playing style?  I can imagine that in real life - teaching First Aid in a classroom setting - but can't get my head around it in an article.

It sounds like our thanks is also due to you for your own compassion in emergency situations. Thank you. <3

 


teddletonmr
Posts: 143
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on 12/07/2013

What do you mean by a role-playing style?  I can imagine that in real life - teaching First Aid in a classroom setting - but can't get my head around it in an article.

 

It sounds like our thanks are also due to you for your own compassion in emergencies. Thank you. <3

 

Jo, yes, your assumption is correct, I have on several occasions practiced my first aid skills, please if you will let us simply leave it at that.

As for the role playing perspective, to my way of thinking it goes something like this.

You happen along a situation where you suspect someone is injured or other such medical or rescue type emergency unfolds in front of you, or you happen upon, where the inquisitive, caregiver, or panicky nature, is sure to have you thinking to yourself.

OMG or something similar, what just happened or is going on here?

Are you with me so far?

With the panic stricken standing around in disbelief with the deer in the headlights expression plastered across their faces.Cry

Someone must do something to help these poor people, dog, cat etc. other than simply walk on by, stand there staring or snapping pics and videos just to share; someone must assess the situation, call for help here in the U.S. we call 911.

Then administer first aid, or simply get out of the way, what will you do?

As for myself, I will help the injured, frightened, and dying, and this is       how.

 

Hope this helps, teddletonmr

 


Make it a great day, teddletonmr
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