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A Joke Thread? Why Not?

 
chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 08/29/2012

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard, and asked him, "Grandpa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of love. 

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied:

"Cause Grandma said that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/29/2012

UUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu.....


Lana or LIl aka Ragtimelil RagtimeLil's Store on Weebly
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/29/2012

forgot the box....


Lana or LIl aka Ragtimelil RagtimeLil's Store on Weebly
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/29/2012

no, really, I forgot the box again....


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humagaia
Posts: 652
Message
on 08/30/2012

Sorry Ragtime but that really is funny - I chuckled for several seconds at your double forgetfulness.

And Chef, maybe you should stick to your day job!


chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 08/30/2012

Hey guys - why don't you post any jokes? (Although, Lana's effort was pretty good, already!)  Laughing


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/30/2012

I only know one and it's a rather long one and a lot of people have heard it already....

You know the one about the farmer and the rooster?


Lana or LIl aka Ragtimelil RagtimeLil's Store on Weebly
chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 08/30/2012

No, tell us.  Smile


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/30/2012

A knock came at the door one evening. The old farmer opened it and a rooster walked in. The rooster said, "Baauuk, buk buk." The farmer when to the shelf and took down a book and handed it to the rooster. The rooster tucked it under his wing and walk out.

The next night there was a knock at the door. Again the rooster walked in, said, Baauuk, buk, buk" The farmer handed him another book and the rooster left with it.

After several nights of this, the farmer decided that night he would follow the rooster and see what he was doing with all those books. Sure enough, the rooster knocked at the door, and the farmer gave him a book. This time, he tippy-toed out behind the bird and followed him through the woods and down to the pond. The rooster heaved the book out onto the pond. A big frog sitting on a lily pad said, "Reddit, reddit...."

 

Glad you asked?


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chefkeem
Admin
Posts: 3394
Message
on 08/30/2012

LOL...yes, I'm glad I asked!

Do you know how yodeling ever got started?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxEvBW-LCvY


Achim "Chef Keem" Thiemermann is the co-founder of a pretty cool new platform called...um...er...oh, yeah - Wizzley.com.
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/30/2012

Ha. Reddit....uh...watched it...dang....that doesn't fit....


Lana or LIl aka Ragtimelil RagtimeLil's Store on Weebly
Jerrico_Usher
Posts: 1210
Message
on 08/31/2012

wiping coffee off screen from nose....

that's awesome!

Heres some good ones...

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

----

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

---

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

 

---

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."

---

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. (Jerry Seinfeld)

 

---

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

---

A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?"

---

A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, "How did you get such a huge orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire...what is your first wish?' I said, I'd like all the money I could ever spend.' The genie went Poof!', and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said, What is your second wish?' I said, I'd like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.' The genie went Poof!', and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, And what is your third wish?'...and I think this is where I went wrong...I said, I'd like a huge orange head."

---

 

 


Jerrico Usher - The Grass May Be Greener On The Other Side But I Installed A Mirror Over There! :-) - Join Our Wizzler Chat Room created by the people for the people to the people
Ragtimelil
Posts: 825
Message
on 08/31/2012

Smiley


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