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Comments Topic Again? Yup.

 
frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 01/14/2013

I just can't emphasize enough that holding comments for moderation is such an important tool.

It is nice to believe in a world where people leave comments to chime in, discuss, present a pro or opposing opinion on opinion pieces, compliment great work - it can be a great experience for those who choose to have comments enabled on their articles.

However, we also live in a sad, narcissistic world, where other people's hard work is used as a vulnerable outlet to belittle the author to make oneself feel bigger, create a "gotcha" in public view (instead of contacting the author to actually help), use the traffic of another author to get agenda exposure, seek attention (even if negative) and so many other self-serving motives.

The point is, it is nice to believe in the decency of fellow human beings...but there often are wolves at the door. Holding comments will keep them from huffing, puffing and blowing your house down. Build your house out of bricks, don't answer the door...and they will eventually move on.

 


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
BrendaReeves
Posts: 845
Message
on 01/14/2013

Well said Robin.


Brenda Reeves
katiem2
Posts: 1044
Message
on 01/14/2013

Ditto what Brenda said. Thanks for your ever positive and support presence. I appreciate you very much Smile


frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 01/14/2013

Awww shucks Brenda and Katie!

I appreciate you both so much as well...the positive energy on this Wizzley site just can't be found elsewhere...it's a gift and I will do all I can to keep it that way.

If anyone is looking for perpetual negativity, I've got a whole list of urls to refer to!

Nite nite and see ya tomorrow....


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
Jerrico_Usher
Posts: 1210
Message
on 01/14/2013

That was astute (yes that's my favorite word)! Personally a negative comment doesn't affect me at the core- it irritates me that they were so negative and thought it would post- or perhaps they meant for me to read it and they wanted me to feel bad. What it does do (and this took 5 years of conditioning training) is make me feel like the actual one with the power in the situation. Sure they have the right to babble on and I can't really stop them but only I have the right to let them upset me in any way. I prove that to myself every time I remove a comment that is just useless and shameful... At times I would comment after deleting it to let the idiot know I read his/her comment and didn't post it or care about it... but even that I don't do much anymore.

Bottom line, moderation is as necessary to protect your readers and  your page as the military is for keeping a countries boarders safe (behind them anyway). When I get a comment like that I just say (usually out loud) Seriously? You really had NOTHING else to do rather than harass someone you don't know for an opinion that doesn't' offer my readers anything but grief? As I realize their life is likely empty, I just give them a pass and click the x.


Jerrico Usher - The Grass May Be Greener On The Other Side But I Installed A Mirror Over There! :-) - Join Our Wizzler Chat Room created by the people for the people to the people
2uesday
Posts: 321
Message
on 01/15/2013

I switched it on recently as I had not thought about it before.

Hope this is not going off at a tangent. If ever I look at YouTube videos and see the appalling comments left there I feel sorry for a world where people have to be so negative to someone they have never met.  

 

teddletonmr
Posts: 143
Message
on 01/15/2013

Timely discussion, this most likely comes across as naive, however here goes nothing. I have often resisted the temptation of removing negative comments unless of course they are spam. Thinking negative comments simply add to the conversation, make for healthy debate, or in general provide opportunity to reaffirm the thesis.Foot in Mouth

Please by all means, help me understand the error of my thinking. That is of course you believe me daft. Be well all, MikeUndecided


Make it a great day, teddletonmr
BrendaReeves
Posts: 845
Message
on 01/15/2013

Keep in mind that anyone who gives unhelpful criticism while tooting their own horn is a very insecure person. I have a few of those in my own family. As a matter of fact, I was married to one.


Brenda Reeves
teddletonmr
Posts: 143
Message
on 01/15/2013

Keep in mind that anyone who gives unhelpful criticism while tooting their own horn is a very insecure person. I have a few of those in my own family. As a matter of fact, I was married to one.

 

Ah yes, I have a couple members of my family like that, thanks for the reminder .Cry


Make it a great day, teddletonmr
frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 01/15/2013

Hi Mike,

If something feels right for you, there is no error in your thinking!  Not at all...everyone has their own preferences and boundaries where comments are concerned.

What I should have elaborated on is this.

The comments I am referring to are usually posted for immediate gratification or needing to scratch an emotional itch at that particular moment. Holding comments doesn't give the rush they crave. If posted immediately, the itch is scratched and they move on to do the same on other articles, forums, chat sites. But if not posted immediately, often they will check back (or follow the thread) to wait to see their words in print. If it never appears (because you deleted it before it ever posted), it is unlikely you will be targeted again. You can't change the person, but you can set up your own personal boundaries.

Also, I should clarify negativity from my perspective. Someone who doesn't agree with me or someone who brings up a con I didn't think of isn't negative by my definition. Just like someone talking about a frustration in a forum isn't a negative person - it is all good, problem solving dialogue that promotes thinking, learning and growing as people. Life has ups and downs - providing a well rounded view on my articles is important to me and I would never delete those comments.

So I guess what I am referring to could be called "self-fulfilling" comments. They would fit the criteria in my original post above. Just my thoughts...

 


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
teddletonmr
Posts: 143
Message
on 01/15/2013

@frugalrvers, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your sage advice readily received, processed, and put into practice.

Make it a great day...


Make it a great day, teddletonmr
Sheri_Oz
Posts: 439
Message
on 01/16/2013

I actually treasure negative responses that were made with the intent to hurt because it gives me the chance to respond in a way that turns things on their head.

Let me give an example: I was once in charge of a forum in Hebrew here in Israel on issues of sexual assault and abuse. We got some people making snide or derogatory comments about victims/survivors and most expected me to delete those comments and insist people who post do so with respect.

Actually, I loved those posts because they gave me the opportunity to use a word or phrase from the post, itself, to teach something new about the topic that I may not otherwise have thought about, and to do so in a way that showed respect for the OP. It allowed me to raise a new issue and often got some interesting and thoughtful discussion going on that thread (once people got over their shock and got used to me doing so). The OP sometimes came back to engage in the discussion and sometimes tried to jab again, only giving me something new once more to work into the discussion.

I believe that people are just doing the best they can and those that are hurtful are hurtful because they are hurting (I do put psychopaths in a separate category and I'm not talking about them). Of course, there is a difference between responding to them on forums or article comments sections and living with them and I do not recommend the latter. :)


JoHarrington
Posts: 1816
Message
on 01/16/2013

When I grow up, I want to be Sheri Oz.  :)

I feel a little uneasy putting my reader comments onto moderation.  It doesn't sit well with all of my efforts to defend freedom of speech and fight censorship, in other forums and through other media.  I'd rather let the discussion ensue, then hope to temper the trolls with Sheri's method.

Only once on Wizzley has this policy bitten me in the ass.  That's when someone tried to leave a link to a virus on one of my computing articles.  I was online at the time, so I was able to jump on it within minutes.  I deleted that comment, but answered it anyway.  

I guess it's own personal choice.  I'm going for free-for-all conversation, with me acting as a kind of Chairperson.


frugalrvers
Posts: 325
Message
on 01/16/2013

Sheri and Jo,

You both raise excellent points...as always.

We all are, gratefully, unique little critters and having our own thoughts/opinions is what keeps this planet from completely stalling.

Sheri...love the "hurtful are hurtful because they are hurting" comment. Truth be told, I see more people hurting these days than not.

I guess my take is from the perspective of my energy vampire piece. At this point in my life, I have little "blood" to give to those who consistently, intentionally or not, are hurtful. I just try to establish boundaries for my own mental health/positive energy reserves. Sort of like putting garlic around my neck to ward them off, if you will.

Sometimes boundaries can help those who are hurting enough to be hurtful, because running into enough of these walls may cause a bit of self reflection in themselves.


In 2009 we sold everything and hit the road! Follow us on our blog at Cheap RV Living
Sheri_Oz
Posts: 439
Message
on 01/16/2013

Robin - I am also so happy for the diversity of opinions and approaches that we show here. It makes life much more interesting. I certainly agree that everyone should define their own boundaries and expend their energies where they feel it is most worth their while.

I don't think that these disruptive people, finding a closed door on some sites will start to self-reflect, they will merely look for someplace else with an open door - and there are plenty. But that doesn't mean you have to keep YOUR door open. Not at all.

i also don't believe that, with all the professional skills I may bring to conducting these discussions, I get these destructive people to self-reflect for more than a few moments, if at all. I think they are looking for a way to trip me up. But I get excited about the opportunity to teach and sometimes I am teaching the bystanders rather than the ones directly engaged in discussion with me.

Sorry for this longwinded response.  It's a professional side-effect.  I will stop here. There's a satirical programme on now that I want to watch - it is making fun of our political candidates - elections next week.

 

(Jo - I tried to think of a witty response to your compliment and nothing is coming up. Batteries running low, I guess.)


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