I went to the doctor today....

....my symptoms were palpitations, fever, inability to focus, confusion, word blindness, irrational behaviour, feelings of insecurity, lack of direction, and repetitive strained phalanges.

"Have you been doing anything unusual lately?" he asked.

"No! Nothing more than the usual" I replied.

He did a few tests, looked at me with his lugubrious expression (I almost saw tears welling in his eyes) and with utmost concern he said "I've seen these cases before, some worse, but yours is particularly advanced."

I prepared myself for the worst, I thought I just had a virus, but I braced myself for the news as he poured a large Glenmorangie and handed it to me.

"You'd better drink this" he said. "You've got Wizzleyitis!"

I was speechless. His words hovered around my head like the blue smoke from the Havana cigar that I was puffing profusely.

"Wizzleyitis! Is it serious doc?"

"Well, you'll have to cut down on your very bad habits" he said.

"Good Grief!" I replied. "Surely you're not asking me to give up Wizzley?"



Wizzleyitis refers to the emotional state of any online author with a meager article portfolio of 2 pages or less.

Your symptoms add up to what's commonly called guilt.

If you don't get off of your ass and write more, soon, your name will devolve into Procrastero*. (No wonder your doctor couldn't help but choke up.)

* illustrating bad habit

Chuckling away here!

You seem remarkably familiar about this condition Chef. Now that I come to think about it, the doc said there was a chap in the waiting room wearing lederhosen demonstrating very similar symptoms.

Poppycock! A teary-eyed doctor, peeking through a dense Havana cloud, couldn't possibly tell the difference between a pair of lederhosen and a kilt.

You're just trying to avoid the real issues here...

Well I onliest have two as well or could that be three? My doctor also told me the same thing, that it is ruining my emotional well being and that the sooner I got out of it all the better I would be? Unfortunately, I just can't help singing, "come inside, you silly bastards, come inside." One day I will crack it as hope springs eternal, even in my breast, but although the road to Jericho may be stony and steep, the road to internet riches is unsurpassable?

Yes, but I forgot to mention he was also singing a Bavarian drinking song and proclaiming the joys of Oktoberfest! It wasn't "Scotland the Brave"!

As for "Poppycock" I'm delighted that you have embraced quaint Victorian terminology. That's what the British Empire gave to the colonials and serves the blighters right - dash it!

No doubt you will now tell me that "poppycock" is a Dutch word meaning "dung" and "excrement" but remember - it's we English which encouraged this sh*t for its usage and abusage.

Balderdash I say! What!

Octi, Okto, berfest, and what in hades do you say lad? I must say I nivver minded a bit of the old "octoberfest' and no doubt in today's world it will soon be banned? I reiterate my poor Doctor's concerns. Shame, she's only a wee lassie.

Excuse me for crashing your little threesome, but I happen to be in a position to declare that the Oktoberfest is alive and well, and in no danger of being banned anytime soon.

That being said, there are valid reasons for favo(u)ring Lederhosen over kilts, especially when there is fair chance that intoxicated specimen of your kind might mistake them for the slighly more desirable female version.

Just sayin'.

I couldn't care less about the origin of "poppycock". It's us Bavarians, anyway, who are known for their creative and elaborate terms of disapproval. To name but a few...

"Himmeherrgottsakramentkruzefixnomoinei!" (often used after hitting yourself on the thumb with a hammer)

"Jadudreckertersaubazizigeinerboaniger!" (if we don't like someone)

"Jamilecksdamarschdoschaugher!" (incredulous astonishment over Squidoo linkbait in this forum)

blummenhekienpostisshaftedgott!

Inti, intox, intoxii, cain't quite folow, except to say I haven't had a drink all night, except a couple of wee Scotches, three in fact. It is of course well known that most people would consider this (especially the way I drink them and pour them), as a tea party? However, I agree with the dear old Munchen chef, this blatant linking to Squidoo nonsense is a terrible tragedy and not quite kosher so to speak. Excuse my French. Having said that, delighted to see that people still have a sense of humour (humor for the others kind) and good for all of you and long may it live. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaatams up.

I wish we had a like button and thanks for the laughs.

Prospero: 08. Sep 2011, 16:32

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blummenhekienpostisshaftedgott!

Please leave my wife out of this, will ya?

I like. 

Awesome conversation, and let me say that I don't think that kosher has much to do with any of the nonsense you are spouting, as it is all a bunch of hamming it up.

Ham? Is that a type of German sausage? Sometimes, everyone needs a bit of fun to take us all away from the terrible state our world is now in? Tragically this is leading to an upsurge in the dreaded new disease known as 'Wizzlyitis' and I'm thankful that great minds have made us aware of this in time and I'm positive a cure will soon be found. Might make a great Wizzly and the list is almost endless including alternative medicine and who knows what else? 

Spook, didn't you have a Wizz(le) to write? (hint: it had to do with speeches...)

Methinks, this would take your mind off the symptoms. Work is the best cure!

No, no, no, nightowl, it's about not having any photos yet and I'm not friends with family and people on FB who do have them, so unfortunately it's a long waiting game until the official ones come out and I'm not sure I'll be able to use them either? So, I actually haven't forgotten and am still keen believe it or not. What's more I don't get many comments or visits even from supposed friends but I'm now almost immune to this. More importantly, I never forget my friends (like you) but it takes a bit of time getting around especially when you encounter a bug wherever you happen to be. Gets a bit disheartening, honest. I still like it here but need time OK? 

Ihrefraupiztoffen? Ich bin stockbesoffen! LOL! (laut lachend)