What is Genderqueer or Non-Binary Gender?

In order to understand gender identities other than male and female, it is helpful and important to understand the distinction between assigned birth sex and gender identity.

Babies are typically assigned a sex at birth, based on their anatomy.  Most Western cultures only recognize male and female sexes.  This poses a problem for classifying intersex people.  The exact portion of people classified as intersex depends on where you draw a cutoff, but depending on the measure it could be as much as 1 in 100 births, or as few as 1 in 2000 births, according to the Intersex Society of North America.  Even with the low estimate, this is a lot of people, about 160,000 in the U.S. and 3.7 million globally.

Gender identity is separate, but often related to assigned birth sex.  Gender identity refers to the identity that a person believes they are, feels like, or wants to be identified as.  It may or may not correspond to their assigned sex.

Most people are content with identifying as the gender they were assigned, and these people are referred to as cisgender or just cis.  However, some people have a mismatch between their gender identity and assigned sex, and these people can be described as transgender or trans.

Genderqueer or nonbinary people are people whose gender identity is not strictly male or female.

Note: I strongly recommend against using the term "transgendered" or "cisgendered"; this term is widely considered by trans people to be rude.  Also, do not refer to transgender people as "transgenders" as this is often perceived as dehumanizing and thus very offensive.

Genderqueer and nonbinary are both broad umbrella categories with slightly different and overlapping uses.

These categories both include people who identify mostly or partly as male or female, but have some other component to their gender identity, and people who identify as more strongly outside the gender binary.  Sometimes the "genderqueer" umbrella also includes transgender people who identify primarily with one particular sex.

Using most definitions, genderqueer people are transgender, because they have a gender identity that does not match their assigned birth sex.

However, not all genderqueer people wish to identify as transgender or use the label "trans" to refer to themselves. One reason is that there is much less familiarity with and knowledge of nonbinary gender identities in the mainstream culture, so if people here "trans", they typically think of binary trans people, like a male-assigned person identifying as (and transitioning to presenting as) female, or vice-versa.  Many people (including myself) are cautious about using the term trans because we don't want people to wrongly assume certain things about us on the basis of misunderstandings of what it means to be trans.

Genderqueer identity has its own pride flag, with a symbolism designed.

The top stripe is lavender, a color which is a blend of the pink and blue colors typically used to represent female and male gender.  Lavender thus represents androgyny. Independently of this symbolism, lavender also represents "queerness" and represents a link between queer gender identity and lesbian, gay, bisexual, and other communities centering around queer sexualities.

The center stripe is white, representing the absence of gender, which can be described as agender.

The bottom green, technically dark chartreuse green, is the inverse color of lavender, and it represents identities which exist outside or without reference to the gender binary.

I love the genderqueer flag, both because I love these colors on their own, and because I love the symbolism that the colors embody.

The subject of a person "looking" nonbinary or genderqueer can be a touchy one.  Although it is very important for many people with nonbinary gender identities to express their identity through their appearance and clothing, because nonbinary identities are so diverse, and because, at least in Western society, there is no long-standing widely accepted tradition in the mainstream, of what any genders other than male or female are expected to look like, it's very hard to generalize about what genderqueer or nonbinary people look like.

Some of the different looks people will take on include:

• Some people look and dress mostly like their assigned birth sex, perhaps with small details that cross certain gender boundaries, or perhaps not.
• Some people present themselves mostly like the opposite of their assigned birth sex
• Some people take on a very androgynous appearance, lacking in strongly feminine or masculine signals
• Some people mix strongly gendered signals from both male and female stereotypes. These can include combinations like a person wearing a dress but clearly displaying facial hair, or a person with breasts having an otherwise masculine way of presenting.

As you can discern from these examples, you can't tell if a person is genderqueer or nonbinary by looking at them.

The English languages pushes people to use gendered constructions when referring to people, like referring to them as "she", "he", "him/her", or "hers/his".  Many transgender people prefer the pronouns of a binary gender, which can be the same pronouns of their assigned birth sex, but is usually that of the "opposite" sex.

A lot of genderqueer people though, do not want to be referred to in this way, and instead prefer gender neutral pronouns.

Singular They/them/their

The pronouns they/them/their can be used to refer to individual people.  Contrary to what some people think, this usage is grammatically correct and has been used continuously since the mid 14th century.  It is most commonly used in casual speech, when referred to a generic person, or a person whose gender is unknown, for example:

• "Someone left their umbrella."
• "What does that driver think they're doing?!?"
• "If anyone asks where I am, you can tell them I went next door."

More recently, nonbinary and genderqueer people have come to start advocating use of these pronouns to refer to themselves.

Singular they is currently the most widely accepted gender neutral pronoun, and it is the most common.  Singular they is the safest way to refer to a person, the least likely to offend them, if you do not know their gender.

Other pronouns

There are many other sets of gender-neutral pronouns.  Some of the most popular ones include Ze, which can take the forms Ze/Zir/Zir or Ze/Hir/Hir, and the Spivak pronouns, ey/em/eir, which sound a lot like "they/them/their" but without the "th", or Xe/xem/xyr.  Slightly less common are Ne/nem/nir and Ve/ver/vis.

Nonbinary and genderqueer people using gendered pronouns

Not all nonbinary people want to use gender-neutral pronouns for themselves.  Some people prefer to stick with the pronouns of their assigned birth sex, out of familiarity, ease of use, or a desire not to impose on others.  Other people prefer to use the binary pronouns associated with the opposite of their assigned birth sex, so as to emphasize their transgender status, or in an attempt to induce people to see or treat them more the way they want to be treated.

Cis and binary trans people using gender-neutral pronouns

There are also cis and binary trans people who prefer gender-neutral pronouns for other reasons, including political or ideological reasons, or just personal preference.  Gender-neutral pronouns were actively advocated by some feminists for years before nonbinary gender identities became widely known.

Both genderqueer and nonbinary are broad umbrella terms.  Many people use these terms to describe their gender when displaying their gender publicly, even if there are more specific terms that more accurately or fully describe their gender.

Here are some more of these terms:

• Agender - Feeling genderless, not identifying with any gender, or feeling, experiencing, or identifying with a lack of gender.
• Genderfluid - Having a gender identity that changes over time. The changes could be slow or fast, smooth or abrupt, and could be between binary female and male identities, or could be a more subtle shift between other nonbinary identities.
• Neutrois - A gender identity that is usually associated with a distinct sense of discomfort with both female and male identity and often body characteristics as well, and a desire to live as and be perceived as gender neutral.
• Genderflux - When a person's intensity of feeling their identity changes, but the identity itself does not change, for example, a person who sometimes feels fullymale, but other times feels only slightly male, or not at all male.
• Demigender  - Identifying partly, but not completely, with a binary gender.  People can identify as "demifemale" or "demimale".  The prefix "demi" mean half but this identity is broad and encompasses a wide range of people who feel mostly like a binary gender, or only slightly like it.

These identities can all overlap in complex ways.  For example, some people might identify as both neutrois and agender, but others might identify in one way or not the other.  Another person might identify as genderfluid between agender and some other identity.

Genderqueer and nonbinary people unfortunately encounter a lot of discrimination.  There are lots of things you can do and support that will make life easier for these people.  A lot of these things overlap largely with things that help binary transgender people.

These include:

• Use the pronouns that people request, and people's chosen names if they introduce themselves with a name that doesn't match official documentation.
• Support gender-neutral bathrooms, and when there are only gendered bathrooms, don't police who goes into what bathroom.
• Avoid speculating about whether a person is male or female, and don't try to force people into the gender binary without their consent
• When running any sort of group or organization, avoid dividing the group into male and female. If you do, make sure to make an explicit mention of nonbinary people, like saying "Nonbinary people can choose to go where they feel most comfortable".

If you want to ask people about their gender, do not ask them questions like "Are you male or female?" or "Are you a girl or a boy?", but rather, ask them: "Can I ask, what pronouns do you use?" or "Can I ask, what gender do you identify with?"  This is more polite, you first ask permission to ask the question so you communicate that it's okay if they want to be private or not answer, but by asking about pronouns or gender identity, you communicate that you are familiar with the concept of preferred pronouns or gender identity, which can help people to feel more comfortable.