How Do You Choose Your Maid of Honor or Best Man?

by AlexandriaIngham

When you get married, you will likely have a Maid of Honor and Best Man. How do you choose these important people for your special day?

You’re getting married! Congratulations! Now all the hard work starts. There are lots of things to decide on for your wedding day, and some of those are roles that friends and family members will play. The Maid of Honor and Best Man are two extremely important parts for most couples. They act at the official witnesses for the paperwork, while help out with the details along the way.

So, who should you choose for your wedding day? Should it be siblings, best friends, or is there someone else better for the job.

Remember the Amount of Planning and Preparation

There is a lot of planning that goes into your big day, and your Maid of Honor and Best Man should be able to help with that.

Choose a Maid of Honor who will be there for you during the dayThe Best Man and Maid of Honor usually take on some of the work when it comes to preparing for the day. The Maid of Honor will get the rest of the bridesmaids together when it is time for choosing and trying on dresses and will arrange your bachelorette party. The Best Man is usually in charge of looking after the rings, planning the stag do and keeping the groom’s nerves calm as they stand at the altar waiting for the bride.

You both need people you can trust for these roles. They need to be people who are happy to take on the responsibilities, while getting such an important part in your big day. If they’re not willing to put the work in, you will have to make the decision over whether you’re happy to do everything and make sure everything is in place on the day.

Think About People Who Mean Something to You

Make your day even more special by having the most important people close to you.

Siblings are often the main choice. These are the people you have grown up with, and the people who know the most about you. If you have more than one brother or sister or none at all, you will want to think of other people in your life. If you don’t get on with your siblings enough, you may want to consider your best friends instead for this important role in your day.

The Maid of Honor and Best Man need to be people who mean something to you—just you! It doesn’t matter what others around you think, as long as they are people you want in those positions. It could be the best friend from high school who is still there, or even the new friend from work who you get on really well with and has been helping with some of the planning stages. It could be a cousin, an aunt or uncle, or a godparent because they mean the world to you.

There isn’t a wrong or right answer. If you’re happy to deal with all the planning and preparation, it could be someone who means the world despite not being able to help. A grandparent or disabled sibling who will never get the chance to do this for someone else is perfect.

The Best Man has to Give a Speech
The Best Man has to Give a Speech

Think About the Public Speaking

Is your Best Man ready for his speech?

The Best Man usually gives a speech, so you need to think about the factor of public speaking. Is your first choice good at making speeches, or will he freeze up at the thought of it? If you know someone who gets terrible stage fright, you could sit down with them and talk to them about the situation.

If they understand just how much it means to you, they may be willing to put their fears to one side. There is also the option of writing the speech and having someone else read it for them.

This isn’t as much of a case for the Maid of Honor. Traditionally, the Maid of Honor doesn’t speak publicly at a wedding. However, you may choose to do something different and that means talking to her about this.

A Few Wizzles About Maid of Honors and Best Men

Do the Best Man and Maid of Honor Get On?

Don't let your day be full of arguments. Choose people who will be able to remain friendly and pleasant throughout the day.

This isn’t a necessity but it would be best to keep animosity away from your big day. These two parts in your day will spend a lot of time together, so you want people who will be able to get on and smile for the camera. They’re meant to keep you calm and they can’t do that if they’re going to argue with each other.

If you have people who have never met before, it may be worth organizing a meeting at some point before the big day—and even before the rehearsal. Set up a house party, have a dinner, or even go out as a group to talk about the plans.

Choose People Who Are Available

The day isn't the only time you will need to see your Maid of Honor and Best Man

There is a lot of meetings for the Maid of Honor to attend.This isn’t in the single or not in a committed relationship sense. By being available, it means those who are there when you need them. There are fittings to attend, rehearsal dinners to make and other parties to get to. Will your chosen two be able to make each and every one of them? Those who really want to make your day special will try to drop everything possible to make it clear you are their number one priority.

The last thing you want is to have trouble with every single dress fitting or all the dinners that you plan. There may be times that schedules clash for a good reason. Doctor’s appointments, hospital visits, already set plans, and anything else can get in the way. But every booking shouldn’t cause an issue. If it does, it could be a sign that these aren’t the right people for your day.

Switch It Around for Your Wedding

Have a male Maid of Honor or a female Best Man. Or just don't have either at all.

Your Maid of Honor doesn’t have to be female and your Best Man doesn’t need to be male. There are now many people opting to do the opposite. It all depends on who the people close to you are. If you don’t have any sisters, but have a brother who you are very close to, he can be your “Man of Honor.” If you have a female best friend who is closer to you than your brothers or male friends, let her be your “Best Woman.”

You will get a few heads turning at first, but this is your big day. Make it special to you. Of course, you need to talk to each other as a couple to discuss this situation, especially if you end up with two men or two women up there.

If you're really stuck or have no specific person you want to choose, there is always the option of not having a Maid of Honor or Best Man at all. You could give all your bridesmaids specific jobs to do through the day, or get all your groomsmen involved in keeping you calm.

Are you still struggling to choose your Maid of Honor or Best Man? Remember that this day is all about you. Choose someone who will help to make your day special and ensure it is all about you. Find people who will be there to help every step of the way and make themselves available when you need a fitting or rehearsal. It’s all about making your day the best it could possibly be.

Copyright Notice

Any images, except where specified, are the property of Alexandria Ingham. You may not use them without explicit permission.

Updated: 01/14/2014, AlexandriaIngham
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Guest on 01/14/2014

It happens, though. My dad's best man (his schoolmate) passed a couple of years ago. My parents never got on with his wife, and there was a lot of complicated personal stuff there too. I think my mum's bridesmaids are still alive and still married but not without incident, as far as I know. We spent New Year with ours and tend to meet up every 6-8 weeks so some time next month should be the next weekend together.

AlexandriaIngham on 01/14/2014

Thanks, Paula. That's great that you're still friends. My mum and dad were best friends with theirs too. After my mum's Maid of Honor passed away, my dad and his Best Man lost contact. It's a shame, really.

Guest on 01/14/2014

Love this article! Our bridesmaid and best man were then and are still our best friends, who are also best friends themselves and pass for a couple to those who don't know otherwise. Our best man keeps my husband in line when they go away for overseas geekend coding parties and our bridesmaid is then dispatched to keep me company for the weekend. That's a win-win if ever I heard of one.

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