How to Deal With Sibling Rivalry

Common issues that arise with two or more children in the home usually have to do with competitiveness, teasing, bossing each other around, fighting (physical), and ignoring each other. A lot of this is natural and inevitable. Many children compete for parents' attention and time. Older children will try to boss the younger children around. Many times one will ignore the other and it causes problems. It has gone too far when it gets to fighting or physically acting out. Hungry, bored, and tired children usually end up in arguments and disagreements with siblings. Many times how parents act toward each other will affect how children act toward their siblings as well. If you are always angry at your children then you also have to expect your children to be angry toward each other. Sibling rivalry is challenging for parents and the children involved.

 Photo credit:  CC BY SA, Valerie McGlinchey, Wikipedia Commons

I don't think it is always a good thing for parents to intervene. I think giving the children a chance to work things out among themselves can help them learn from their experience. It is necessary for parents to intervene when things become physical or to keep things from becoming physical. Do not take sides, blame, or participate in arguments. This is where I was going wrong. Nothing positive came out of it. I would try to figure out who was right and who was wrong. I would never get the whole story and it did not help things when I would determine the winner so to speak. It just caused more arguments and disagreements. It reinforced the behavior that I did not like. I finally found ways to help the situation and have been using those methods successfully ever since.

Come up with a plan or way of handling situations consistently each time they happen. The biggest improvement I have made is to designate a room as an “Argument Room”. Whenever there is a hint of an argument coming I send them to the “Argument Room” to work it out. This way they get to work out their issue among themselves and the rest of the house does not have to hear every detail of it. They have a right to argue. I don't have to hear it. There are rules or guidelines that we have gone over with them that are active in the “Argument Room”.

Room Rules:

• No yelling
• No fighting or touching one another
• Be respectful
• No bad language
• No name calling
• There must be a resolution before leaving

 They know this is in no way punishment for them to go to this room. It is a way for them to work things out. They also know they will be rewarded if they do work things out and come to a resolution before leaving. I think it has helped them tremendously. They learn how to work things out among themselves in a respectful way. These skills will help them well into adulthood.   

Sibling rivalry is normal and inevitable when there is more than one child in the family. There are advantages and disadvantages to your children arguing. Don't always intervene in their arguments. Give them a chance to work things out among themselves and the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages. Try some of the methods I have noted and see if they help your family as much as they have helped ours. You will get through it and so will your children. They will always have disagreements. Even into adulthood. They need your guidance to handle them properly now so they will know how to handle them when they do become adults.