How to Handle an Emotionally Immature Adult

by NateB11

It is often the case that we might deal with an immature adult. We might not be able to escape them, so we must try to understand how to deal with them psychologically.

The psychologically and emotionally immature adult is self-centered. They want what they want and have no regard for others' needs or wants. Consequently, they are mostly unreachable, you cannot get through to them because with someone like that it's all about "me". Or them. However, since it's unavoidable that at some point you will have to deal with such a person, or you might have someone in your life who you can't avoid that is immature, it is helpful to understand their behavior and what you can do about it.

Recognizing Signs of an Immature Person

Self-Centered and Demanding

The immature adult only thinks of himself or herself. They cannot see your perspective and only want what they want from you; they cannot fathom that you might have needs.

They will take up your time, energy and attention without any intention of giving it up or giving it back. They want all the attention on themselves and no one else. They will use you up.

In fact, they can't see you as a whole person; they only see the part that they want.

In other words, they are greedy. The more you cave into their demands, the more they will demand. The more generous you are, the more they take advantage of your kindness.

For them, it's all taking and no giving. They are insatiable.

The point is, to recognize this. Understand, in this case, it's them not you. Don't blame yourself for their selfishness, and protect yourself.

They will get whatever it is they want from you. Including the fulfillment of their fantasies. They live in an illusory world in which they always seek comfort "out there", from you. They have no idea that they are doing anything wrong, because they are not in their right mind; they never examine themselves.

See these signs, because the first act of dealing with their treachery is to see it for what it is: Selfishness and brutality.

The Immature Person Does Not Have Your Interests at Heart
The Immature Person Does Not Have Your Interests at Heart

If You Cannot Escape

Call Them On It

Often, and most likely, the immature narcissist, relies on games and tricks; this is how they hide. They project images to intimidate or to lure you into sympathizing with them. They will try to make you doubt yourself and your perceptions. They hide behind masks.

You will have to rely on your own awareness, see them directly and clearly for what they are doing and what they are. Then you will have to call them out, point out what they are doing, expose them, and let them know they've been found out. You have to bring their darkness to light. It is the only way, if you are forced to deal with them.

Maybe they are family. Maybe you are in a relationship with them that you cannot immediately get out of. If you are going to have to deal with them on a regular basis , it is unreasonable and impractical to simply ignore them and endure their abuse. The quickest way to deal with them, though it might seem difficult at first, is to point out their abuse.

If this seems dangerous, of course, seek help: The police, shelters, counselors and nonprofits offer services in extreme cases.

Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.

We think we’re relating to other people–but actually we’re all playing games.Forty years ago, Games People Play revolutionized our understanding of what really goes on during ou...

View on Amazon

Narcissist Cards. - New Yorker Cartoon
Ad AllPosters

The Best or Last Resort

Avoid or Escape

Of course, the narcissist is entrenched in their thinking and self-absorption. There is no way to change them. Because they don't listen. They only hear themselves and what they want and think.

So, your best bet is to avoid them entirely, create distance, leave them.

The fact is, this is the only way to take care of yourself. It will seem difficult, you might have an enormous amount invested in your relationship with them; maybe they caught you at your most vulnerable state and you got caught up in their games. But eventually you will find that your mental health is worth more than the relationship with a selfish and hurtful person.

You have a life and it is important. You need to build your own life and not rely on another, not rely on someone who is not really considering you and what you truly need. They will eventually use you up and their destruction knows no bounds, as long as they get what they want.

And being alone is better than being dragged down, used up and maybe even destroyed.

This is a case in which you must think about yourself and your own needs and not be dependent or desire anything from someone who will never consider you or those needs.

Updated: 04/23/2014, NateB11
Thank you! Would you like to post a comment now?


NateB11 on 04/04/2014

You're absolutely right, ologsinquito. I've been the victim of workplace bullying pretty much all the time I was on a job; they like to pick on certain people in those settings. Thanks for stopping by and contributing your insights.

ologsinquito on 04/03/2014

Narcissistic abuse is such an epidemic. So many people are affected. Workplace bullying is so common that one-third of all adults in America have experienced it. It's good your shedding light on this subject.

NateB11 on 02/27/2014

Dustytoes, you're right about that. I know exactly what it's like to deal with such a person too. And it's very true that you have to get away from them and then you can see what was happening.

dustytoes on 02/27/2014

I lived with someone like this for far too long. Now that I am away from him, I see it so clearly, but at the time it was sometimes hard to figure out what his problem was. You are so right to say that they don't listen. It's their way always, and only.

NateB11 on 12/09/2013

Thanks, VioletRose!

VioletteRose on 12/09/2013

Very well written!

frankbeswick on 12/09/2013

Dictators, the ultimate narcissists, are often so blind to flattery that they can be manipulated.

NateB11 on 12/08/2013

Very thought-provoking, you're right. It's very ironic. I guess that's the problem with narcissism, it creates blind spots and the person figures anything that feeds the ego must be okay. Great observations, thanks for bringing these things to light!

katiem2 on 12/08/2013

NateB11, Yes indeed just the sort of incident I was referring or rather eluding to, it occurs just as you described in my workplace. I think it very interesting how the more intellectual and secure males utilize this man to do such things. As you mentioned they do go as far as to have him make a joke of himself, they no doubt laugh about it later. Imagine the bully narcissistic being bullied by those that were possibly his nerd school mates during his a formative years. A very interesting turn of events... Great article, very thought provoking!

NateB11 on 12/06/2013

Thanks, katiem2. I imagine someone that wants to use and manipulate people will use any angle they can get; a narcissist is an easy target too, because it's all about them and their ego and their own gratification. I guess there's a bit of irony there; that the ego-centered person likes to use people up and they can be easily used too, because essentially they're weak. Actually, now that I think about it I knew someone at work that fits that description; people loved the guy, he was an aggressive, ego-centric control freak but his fans had him jumping around like a dumb ape doing all kinds of tough guy stuff. That just popped in my head as I wrote; it was all mutual exploitation in that situation at work.

You might also like

Learned Helplessness and Abusive Relationships

If you are in an abusive relationship and have no idea why you just can't wal...

Positive Thinking or Realism: Which Side Are You On?

There is nothing wrong with having a hopeful outlook on life. As long as one ...

Disclosure: This page generates income for authors based on affiliate relationships with our partners, including Amazon, Google and others.
Loading ...