Political Correctness

Did you hear about the dyslexic who was invited to a toga party? He went dressed as a goat!

Political correctness is, theoretically, a system whereby people’s lives are made easier and fairer by eliminating discrimination, of all types, from our society.

While I’m completely in favour of being pleasant to people and not discriminating against them because of their race, physical ability, religion, gender, breakfast cereal preference or whether their belly button is an “inny” or an “outy”, I am also in favour of not having to choose every word I say with the care normally reserved for micro-surgery.

I was once in a lecture where one of my fellow students objected to the term “brainstorming” being used as it might be offensive to people with mental problems. Not that it was offensive, mind you, just that it might be! It also seemed unapparent to this person that there were no people with mental problems in the room to be offended by it (apart from the possible exception of himself). An embarrassed silence followed and the tutor duly apologized.  It occurred to me that this sort of ridiculous argument could be used for any purpose. I asked Mr.Offended if he would withdraw his alternative (idea-collection, thought-gathering or some other idiotic guff) as I found it offensive, due to the fact that, apart from its time-wasting effect, it was disturbing to people who are tired of listening to such a load of utter crap.

For anybody who is any doubt, I am not in favour of racism, homophobia, sexism, religous discrimination or any other form of being unpleasant to people, but I am tired of ridiculous decisions and accusations being made by people who are the self-appointed protectors of these minorities.

By suspending people like the station announcer or banning us from watching the black and white minstrels, these people are guilty of exactly the same offence as they are trying to police. I see no difference between discriminating against people because of their colour or gender and discriminating against people because of things they say. I read about an Italian politician said that he didn’t like homosexuality, and for this he lost his job. Whilst I think people should be allowed to practice the sexual orientation of their choice and that this was a careless thing for a politician to say, so I also think that people should be able to express their opinion so long as it does not incite hatred, violence or persecution. If the same politician had said that he didn’t like people who had white hair, there would have been no outrage, just bemusement at a silly opinion.

Who is it that has set these arbitrary criteria for which political correctness has to be observed? Why have they chosen sexuality, gender, race and physical ability? Why not hair colour, baldness, fashion sense? Why does it remain okay to poke fun at people with big noses who have no control over their appearance but not at fat people who do? How come I’m bad if I say chairman but I can say shortlist without any recrimination; just think how all those midgets feel! Oh, but indeed I forget- vertically challenged is the correct terminology here. By making normal people fear that an incorrect turn of phrase may make them appear evil, these protectors of the Holy Words stand over us just as ridiculously as Monty Python's Knights of Ni - whatever you do don't say "ni", it could be offensive to an order of comedy Knights in a forest, if either the Knights, the order or the forest really existed.

At this point it would seem relevant to mention that I am a white, male and as such have been the victim of both sexual and racial discrimination in the past. Some people might wonder how this is possible, but in Asia I have been turned down for jobs and told that the reason I was unsuccessful was because I was a man and on another occasion because I was white. I don’t mention this for sympathy, but to make the point that I know how it feels to be the butt end of this type of discrimination and I don’t condone it. However, I also know how it feels to be constantly chastised for saying something that might possibly, maybe, at the wrong phase of the moon, in a parallel universe offend someone who isn’t listening- it’s pathetic.

In my opinion, political correctness is currently one of the biggest retardations in western society. In Britain, at least, the government seem far more concerned in protecting the ears of minorities that could be offended if they are of particularly weak constitution, than the majority who are not discriminatory but are sick of listening to this rubbish. Forget the threat of terrorist attacks, you are far more likely to have your life disrupted by a politically correct bombardment, should you admit to once owning a golliwog or saying that in general women are not as physically strong as men. Interesting to note here that golliwog is not in the Microsoft word spell check vocabulary, obviously the word no longer exists or ever existed.

It can take ages to get ones point across when sticking to 'the code'. I was once in a crowded pub when a friend tried to point out a pretty woman (obviously I wore a hair shirt for a week afterwards as a penance for being attracted to a woman for her physical attributes). When I asked him which woman he was talking about, my friend replied, “the one next to that man”. Of course there were a multitude of men next to women in the pub and when I asked which man, I was told, “the one with the white shirt on”. Now, white not being an unusual colour for a shirt I asked for some further indication as to which man I should be looking next to if I wished to see the attractive girl that had originally been mentioned. My friend then said, “ the one drinking beer”. Well, that was helpful! It should be noted that this pub was the sort in which the clientele are inclined not to drink Singapore Slings or sip from huge glasses of cognac, so this didn’t narrow things down at all. The further clues I was given were “the guy in the jeans”, “the one with dark hair” and “the bloke without glasses”. Finally, after about five minutes of this nonsense I asked him if he meant the black guy (whoops, can you hear the lightening striking me down as I write?); the only black guy in the pub! He said, “yes, but you can’t say that!!!!!!”

The politically correct fever had, alas, claimed another victim.