Quotes From Napoleon Dynamite

by nickupton

Napoleon Dynamite is the story of a high school kid who is just a bit strange. Here you can find many of the surreal quotes from the movie that make it so popular with fans.

Napoleon Dynamite is a movie starring Jon Heder in which the viewer follows the title character and those that interact with him through a short period of his high school career. Napoleon is an awkward misfit who tries to make up for this with "skills" and tall stories.

Napoleon Dynamite is a really funny story where most of the humor is based upon characters doing and saying things that do not really fit into context and boasting about qualities they do not have. Consequently there are many quotes from Napoleon Dynamite that stick in the memories of fans.

I first watched the movie with my two younger sisters and we all appreciated the understated humor of the movie and began using Napoleon Dynamite quotes, such as "can you bring me my chapstick" and "frickin idiot", at ever available opportunity. It was with much delight that I discovered a number of t-shirts and other products for sale that feature quotes from Napoleon Dynamite.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the movie and merchandise that features them.

A Quick Question About Napoleon Dynamite - Who Has Seen It?

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Moves
Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite?

"A Liger. It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic."

This is Napoleon's Dynamite's response when asked, by his friend Deb, what he is drawing. Napoleon seems to think that girls like boys who have skill such as drawing magical animals and this is his bizarre way of trying to impress her.

The Liger t-shirt on the right displays the drawing of the mythical beast that Napoleon Dynamite produces in the movie, along with Napoleon Dynamite's Liger quote.

Napoleon Dynamite Liger Products
LIGER Napoleon Dynamite Mug

An amusing mug featuring the illustration of a Liger. This is a fun novelty gift for Napoleon Dynamite loving fans.

Only $15.95
Napoleon Dynamite "It's Pretty Much My Favorite Animal" Game

Join Napoleon Dynamite in this picture game that requires your teammate to make out what the animal is that you are drawing. You will have two cards with two different animals o...

Only $19.99

"Can you bring me my chapstick? But my lips hurt real bad."

Napoleon says this to his brother, Kip, during a phone call from school in which he is trying to fake illness in order to go home early. Kip is not interested and tells Napoleon that the school nurse has "like 5 sticks in her drawer".

The humor in Napoleon Dynamite relies a lot upon apparently normal phrases being said in unnatural situations and this is another one of the quotes from Napoleon Dynamite that makes me laugh just because it is an odd thing for a high school student to say; more the sort of thing a 5-year old would come out with.

You too can have 5 sticks in your drawer by buying the Napoleon Dynamite chapsticks from Amazon.com, or if you only want one, then bid on a chapstick on eBay.

Napoleon Dynamite Quote 3: Chatting With Online Babes

"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day."

Chatting Online with babes all day t-shirt

T-shirt featuring Kip's funny quote and a picture of a old-school computer.

Only $24.99
I've been chatting with online babes all day t-shirt

Choose your color of t-shirt on which to feature this quote from Napoleon Dynamite.

Only $19.95
Some More of Kip's Quotes From Napoleon Dynamite
  • "It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online."
  • "Well, things are getting pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious."
  • "I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico."
  • "Your mom goes to college."

Said as if it were a cool thing to do and said by someone who is so utterly clueless that this is a very funny line from the movie, followed by a completely random and ridiculous quote about cage fighting! You can see a couple of "sweet" t-shirts featuring this quote to the right.

Quotes From Napoleon Dynamite Keychain

This is one of the most fun items available that fans of quotes from Napoleon Dynamite can get hold of.

My sister had one of these talking key chains and we had lots of fun one Christmas annoying everyone by pressing the buttons at random moments to hear the Napoleon Dynamite quotes. It should be said that we were both supposedly mature adults at the time so the amusement is not limited to young fans of the movie.

The quotes from the movie Napoleon Dynamite that you can hear with this keychain are;

  • "Freakin Idiot!"
  • "I like your sleeves...they're real big!"
  • "Lucky!!"
  • "Can you bring me my chapstick...my lips hurt real bad!"
  • "Gosh!"
  • "A Liger..it's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed, bred for its skills and magic"
There are not too many of these available any more so if Amazon.com run out try eBay to see if you can find one. It really is a fun gift for fans of this silly movie.

Napoleon Dynamite Talking Keychain RARE

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Napoleon Dynamite Quote 4: Bow To Your Sensei

"Bow to your Sensei!"

After watching this scene in Napoleon Dynamite I considered taking up Rex Kwon Do and becoming a cage fighter myself.

Although this quote is not inherently funny on its own, it makes me laugh the way Rex aggressively insists on being bowed to whilst at the same time egotistically referring to himself as "Sensei" twice in a row. Given that this is a room full of no-hopers in a town full of no-hopers, reveling in being the local "Sensei" seems pretty funny.

Amazon has a couple of nice Rex Kwon Do t-shirts available (one of which I have displayed here) and you can dress like Rex with these Stars and Stripes workout pants.

Baggy Gym Workout Pants USA Fang Print

Become a Rex Kwon Do Sensei in these Stars & Stripes training pants.

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Napoleon Dynamite Quote 5: Wolverines

"I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!"

This is the utterly stupid reply given by Napoleon when asked by Don, one of the school bullies, asks him what he did last summer.

I found this quote from Napoleon Dynamite funny as I used to go to school with a lad who came out with things like this, that everyone knew were not true, to make himself seem tough and cool. 

This t-shirt bears this quote from the movie.

Some more of Napoleon's ridiculous fantasies

"This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff." 

"Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore."

"Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard, too. Or like, Secret Service Captain, or... whatever... "

"Frickin Idiot"

Again it is not so much what is said but how it is said that makes this quote funny; frustrated with a bully, Napoleon comes out with this pathetic insult said in what he thinks is a superior tone.

This quote from Napoleon Dynamite comes at the end of an exchange when Randy, a bully at school, spots that Napoleon has stuffed his pocket full of tots not eaten at lunchtime and squashes them when Napoleon refuses to give him any.

There was a time when my youngest sister and I would say this to each other as an insult at every opportunity.

Napoleon Dynamite Quote 7: I See You're Drinking 1%

"I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat?"

This is the sweetest of pick up lines which alas I never had the chance to use. This line plus my skills in birdwatching would have had no end of attractive ladies chasing after me.

This line is said by Napoleon to Deb in his efforts to impress her so that she would go on a date with him. The way Napoleon comes out with this line is hilarious and he backs it up with what he considers to be a compliment; take a look.

Napoleon Dynamite Quote 8: Vote For Pedro

"Vote For Pedro " Canvas Tote Bag

Show your support for Pedro with this reusable canvas tote bag and your wildest dreams will come true.

Only $14.99
"Vote for Pedro" T-shirt

Classic Vote for Pedro t-shirt available in a wide variety of sizes for all Napoleon Dynamite fans.

Only $2.95
Napoleon Dynamite Silk Tie, "Vote for Pedro"

Awesomeness! A crazy tie with Napoleon Dynamite on it and the caption "Vote for Pedro".

"Vote for Pedro" - Ladies Baseball Shirt

A smart Vote for Pedro shirt for female fans of Napoleon Dynamite.

"Vote for Pedro and all of your wildest dreams will come true."

This is probably the most enduring of quotes from Napoleon Dynamite spawning a whole range of election items for purchase. 

In the movie Pedro is Napoleon's equally lackluster friend who decides to run for school President on the back of the fact that he has a moustache and a "sweet" bike.

The election campaign is a classic with moribund slogans repeated ad-nauseum, ridiculous promises which cannot be kept, a negative campaign which includes smashing a pinata in the shape of his rival and mindless campaign stickers which simply state "Vote for Pedro". 

He's got my vote!

Napoleon Dynamite Quote 9: I Like Your Sleeves They're Real Big

"I Like your sleeves, they're real big."

Once again this is one of the quotes from Napoleon Dynamite that shows how awkward the character is, as this is his idea of paying a woman a compliment. In fact the humor might be in the fact that in being so direct and not worrying about coming up with some impressive line his compliment is taken for what it is.

Quotes From Napoleon Dynamite Talking Doll

If you are trying to buy a gift for someone who is a Napoleon Dynamite obsessive then this talking doll is just the thing to amuse them.

This eight inch high talking Napoleon Dynamite figurine looks like the character, wearing stonewashed jeans, brown moon boots and a vote Pedro t-shirt, and has a repertoire of eighteen quotes from Napoleon Dynamite movie, these include the three featured in the picture;

  • "Sweet"
  • "I caught you a delicious bass"
  • "Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh."

This is just the sort of item that my sisters and I would have milked every last drop of amusement from had we had one of these to mess around with. A talking, quoting Napoleon Dynamite is going to be quite a laugh for many of the fans who form a cult following of this movie; an ideal novelty gift. "Frickin' sweet!" indeed.

NEW Napoleon Dynamite Vote For Pedro 8" Talking Doll Figure Se...

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Napoleon Dynamite Flippin Sweet poseable talking doll 12 phras...

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Napoleon Dynamite Quote 10: Sweet

"Sweet"

The single word "sweet", is one of the most frequently used quotes from Napoleon Dynamite both in the movie and by obsessed fans. Napoleon uses this adjective to describe all manner of things that he thinks are good. The over-usage of the word is, I am sure, supposed to reflect how kids at school have used various fashionable adjectives throughout the decades. When I was at school "wicked" was in vogue!

My favorite usage of the word is when Napoleon asks Pedro about his bike; "You ever take it off any sweet jumps?"

"I caught you a delicious bass."

This is one of the final quotes from Napoleon Dynamite at the end of the movie as he meets Deb in the school yard.

The humor here again is in the fact that this such an usual thing to say to a girl, however, the "sweet" thing is that it seems to work as Deb gives Napoleon a nice smile and they play tetherball together.

It is fittingly out of context too that there is an infant onesie available with this Napoleon Dynamite quote on it.

I once said this to my wife hoping to impress her. However, she just said that I watch too many stupid movies

Napoleon Dynamite The Movie

If you have read through this webpage and wondered what on earth it is all about then you obviously have not seen the movie. If not then you can see a trailer for it here which shows many of the scenes which I have referred to above.

I have listed Napoleon Dynamite as one of my ten great comedy movies. I hope you like it too.

Napoleon Dynamite
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Napoleon Dynamite (DVD, 2006, 2-Disc Set, Like the Best Specia...

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More Napoleon Dynamite

Find out more about Napoleon Dynamite's Liger as well as discover t-shirts featuring the illustration of the mythical animal.
Updated: 04/23/2013, nickupton
 
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Mike_W on 09/14/2012

Great collection of quotes. I could watch that movie every day and find a new quote amusing - the more random the better!
"You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night?"
"How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind"

Kip comes up with the best stuff though, like the online babes quote you mentioned.

katiem2 on 04/27/2012

What a great page, and a good place for a laugh. Napoleon Dynamite will no doubt gain a few new fans from this, funny that's contagious... the best kind1

dustytoes on 04/26/2012

I watched this movie when my daughter was in high school and she and some friends were doing the dance at the end for something. I thought the movie was stupid, but loved the ending. Then I watched it again at some point and laughed a lot. The fact that they are so dorky and don't seem to know it is just hilarious. I laughed again reading this page!

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