Teaching Children about Gender

An article in yahoo news tells the story of parents who are not giving out cigars that say: It's a boy! or It's a girl! but, rather, giving them an unusual form of gender education. They believe that children should have the freedom to develop their own identities without being directed in stereotypically female-oriented or male-oriented manner. Not even the grandparents know the gender of their grandchild.

The parents claim that knowing a child's sex leads others to define the child by that gender, thereby putting the child into a predetermined box that may have nothing to do with the natural tendencies of the particular child. They want to leave their children free to discover for themselves who they are. That includes allowed their 5 YO and 2 YO boys pick their own clothes among both boys and girls racks, even wearing girls' clothes outside the home. Given his discomfort, the older boy has chosen not to attend a conventional school.

The parents are determined not to give in to what they call: "the tyranny of assigned gender roles".

Simple fact of whether one is male or female. This is actually not so simple and will be discussed further in another section of this article.

Societal and cultural expectations of men and of women. These may vary from one place to another. For example, when I travelled in Guatemala 40 years ago, men stood around in groups talking and knitting. Men in other countries would never be caught with knitting needles in their hands.

Closely related to the above, these are preconceived ideas of what is appropriate for men and women, essentially locking people into codes of behaviour that may not suit them as individuals. For example, women may be expected to be weak and dependent and men not to cry. If there is little flexibility in society, then even under situations in which nonstereotypical behaviour may be normal and appropriate, men and women may feel that they are not normal if they respond differently from the gender prescriptions and others may reinforce this.

This relates to homosexuality, heterosexuality and bisexuality. It related solely to the gender to which one is attracted and says nothing of the individual's gender identity. A male homosexual, for example, is a man who is attracted to other men rather than to women; he may also feel very much a man. Similarly, a female homosexual or lesbian, is a woman sexually attracted to other women; she may feel very much a woman.

A heterosexual is a person attracted to individuals of the opposite sex. Even though this is the norm, it does not necessarily mean that the person has a secure sense of maleness or femaleness.

A bisexual is an individual who is almost equally attracted sexually to both men and to women.

Individuals who feel that their biological sex is in conflict with how they feel about themselves - for example, a man who feels he should have been born female because he feels like he is psychologically female and a woman who feels she is psychological male. If this conflict between their anatomy and their psychology causes serious enough distress, they may request sex reassignment surgery. They may also be referred to as transgendered or trans-sexual.

These are generally not related to gender identity. Cross-dressers are individuals who, for some reason, prefer to dress in clothing typical of the opposite sex. Today, women commonly wear clothing once considered male; men, however, are scorned for wanting to wear women's clothing and therefore they hide this behaviour. Cross-dressing men may find that they feel more relaxed in women's attire. This does not mean that they identify any less as male or feel any less masculine than other men. It also has nothing to do with their sexual orientation.

The term, transvestite, refers to the element of sexual arousal accruing from dressing in clothing typical of the opposite sex. These are generally men who are clearly heterosexual and identify themselves as male. Transvestism is generally considered to be a fetish.

Of course, being a boy or girls seems to start with the genitals: people recognize the child's sex by the "equipment" that is obvious on the ultrasound screen and, later at birth, as the child emerges from the womb and into the world.

But that is not the whole story. I am sure you have heard about the famous cases in some parts of the world where children were born apparently female, raised as girls and then at puberty, with the surge of hormones, suddenly what looked like female genitals grew into male sex organs. When they gave these boys the choice of whether to have an operation to bring their physical bodies into synch with their female upbringing, the boys preferred to adopt the male gender role and quickly adapted to being boys. What does that say about gender identity education?

In 1966, John Money persuaded parents to allow him to conduct corrective surgery on the destroyed penis that resulted from the rather rare botched circumcision of their infant son, not by penile reconstruction, but by sex reassignment surgery. He was subsequently raised as a girl and his twin brother as a boy. Money used this case to show how gender identity is learned rather than innate.

However, the boy never self-identified as female and when he found out about the surgery in adolescence, he readopted his male identity and the family refused to return to Money for continued treatment. Unfortunately, he never recovered from the trauma and confusion and committed suicide at the age of 38.

While no surgery is involved in the case of the parents who hide the gender of their children from others, can we say that these parents are experimenting with gender identity education in a way that is conducive to healthy development or are they "playing with fire"?

This is the tragic story about the exploitation of the Reimer family for Money's own personal scientific interests. It is a disturbing indictment of unethical research and medical intervention and the falsifying of results that do not pan out as the research had hoped. It exposes the fact that some scientists care more about their theories than about the people they study to prove them. When Colapinto first exposed the disturbing news of the true mental health of the twins, it fanned the flames of the already heated debates around the issue of gender identity and the growing practice of sex reassignment surgeries on children with ambiguous genitals.

Contrary to what many people believe, men and women both have both male and female hormones. That means that men and women both have estrogen and testosterone flowing through their bodies.

Generally, women have more estrogen than men and vice versa. Interestingly, however, some women have higher levels of testosterone than some men. This does not necessarily make them more masculine in appearance or behaviour than other women. It depends more on the relative amounts of estrogen and testosterone in their systems.

Similarly, some men have more estrogen than some women. This does not make them less masculine in appearance or behaviour than other men. Again, what is important is the relative amount of estrogen and testosterone in their systems.

Please note: Hormone levels have nothing to do with sexual orientation. In other words, we cannot differentiate homosexuals, lesbians or heterosexuals on the basis of amounts of male and female hormones in their bodies.

An interesting, relatively recent research report discusses the impact of media exposure and media preferences on sexual attitudes and gender stereotypes of Dutch teenagers. It is agreed among researchers that television for youth portray highly stereotyped male and female behaviours and roles and are especially sexualized. Research has generally shown that greater exposure to the media is related to adolescent boys and girls endorsing stereotypical male and female expectations, something that reduces personal choice in social situations.

This new study provides a new angle: Media Exposure refers to the amount of time teenagers spend watching TV, movies, etc., whereas Media Preferences refers to how much they like certain types of TV shows, music, Internet sites, etc. Here we have some heartening news.

Teenage girls who preferred news and informative programmes on TV and Internet and classic music, rock and heavy metal maintained a lower degree of gender stereotyping than girls who preferred soap operas, romantic movies and punk music. Teenage boys who preferred erotica and sports on TV and the Internet and punk music more highly agreed with gender stereotyped attitudes.

Therefore, the important factor is not how much exposure teenagers experience to the media but, rather, what they prefer to see or follow. Here, I think family environment is important. In families that read a lot, children are more likely to read. In families that watch reality TV or soap operas, children follow suit. In families that listen to classical music and watch the History Channel, the children will have absorbed those values. That does not mean that there will not be a period of time during which adolescents want to be "like everyone else" and watch the latest shows that their peers talk about in school or hear the latest music; but it may not be what they actually prefer when they are alone.