The Loveless Marriage

by katiem2

Living in a loveless marriage is one of the most painful things any human being can do. It's far more painful and damaging than you know, learn who really suffers the most.

To marry or Not to Marry, this is the burning question on the minds of many engaged couples as they witness many an example of wedded misery. This is a question we should carefully consider before we take the plunge. Since the dawn of time couples have been joined in marriage only to learn they should have listened to that little voice nagging at them, don't do it! Do you have doubt now or have you doubted marriage in the past?

Oh we never realize how hard it is to get out of a bad marriage once we jump into it. It was impossible to image how bad a marriage that was not to be could get, oh if we only knew. We get into arranged marriages for a wide range of reasons; unexpected pregnancies, family ties and even because the clock is ticking and time is running out as all of your friends have done it.

The Typical Unhappy Marriage

The typical unhappy marriage most often seems fine on the surface and yet underneath and behind closed it is anything but happy.

There are more bad reasons to get married than good ones and all to often many run after the bad reasons falling into a loveless marriage.  Again, if we only knew how painful and difficult it is to live in an unhappy marriage.  It's horrible and weaves a long involved complicated web of subtle lies and half truths until we feel so low it seems there is no hope of ever seeing the light of love and freedom again.  

The Test - The best way to know if in fact there is no hope for love in your marriage is to ask yourself this question;  How would you like to renew your vows?  If this idea causes you to cringe you may not only be in a loveless marriage but a hopeless marriage.

The Truth About Loveless Marriages

Who It Really Hurts

Anyone who's ever truly been alone understands the difference between being alone as in living alone and living with another and truly being alone. This is the deepest depths of loneliness. Living in a loveless marriage. A loveless marriage will have you yearning to be alone as it is only then you can relax, truly be yourself and be happy. The turmoil of a loveless marriage robs one of the simplest of joys.

It's heart breaking to imagine the countless people making the decision to stay in a loveless marriage. Oh how harmless they first think this is and often times feel it's for the good of everyone involved. Remaining in a loveless marriage creates no good for any and all the involved parties. It hurts to live with someone you don't love and it hurts to live with someone who doesn't love you, either way it's a lose lose for all involved.

Loveless Marriages Hurt

Staying in a marriage with someone you don't love is one of the most painful and miserable things two people can do.

In time we begin to resent the person we live with. Although few ever admit to living in a loveless marriage it's always apparent to everyone when love is absent.

It's true some couples tend to drift apart after being married for many years and some do not.

In fact many grow closer, it is therefore wrong to assume everyone passes you off as a seasoned couple who's simply comfortable with one another.

The lack of love for another is always obvious, everyone knows real love when they see it, just the same they also know when there's no love.

Life is short, it's perishable and is therefore a shame to throw away on a relationship void of love or admiration.

Love and admiration do go hand in hand. While there are many reasons people remain in a loveless marriage it's most commonly seen as being lazy.

Here's a list of common reasons other people think you stay in a loveless marriage, just so you know.

Help With Love

How To Enjoy Love in Your Life
The Loveless Marriage
The Loveless Marriage

Why Stay in a Loveless Marriage

Regardless of whether people are actually falling for your attempts to cover up your loveless marriage they have opinions.
  1. The most common reason is a surprising one, its the belief you're to proud to admit you've made a mistake, you'd rather pose as someone having a normal marriage than someone who's in an unhappy one so you pretend, lie!
  2. Lazy, you would rather have someone else take care of you than to get out and make a go of it for yourself.
  3. No self worth, why else would one trade happiness for a comfortable life? You don't feel worthy.
  4. Resentment, many feel you stay to stick it to your spouse, really make them pay for your unhappiness.
  5. Money, your spouse makes more money or has all the money and your to lazy to earn your own.
  6. The house and possessions, many feel you're to greedy to let go of material things or split them.
  7. You married a trophy wife, please, really, as if, everyone thinks that is so pathetic.
  8. You're a gold digger, you married the guy (looking for the trophy wife) for his money.
  9. You got married only because you had to and never made it right, you settled.
  10. The kids, this is really a bad reason as it's been proven over and over to hurt the kids, unless it's an abusive situation and you stay to protect the kids from being used to hurt you causing them undue pain from an abusive parent. You sacrifce your happiness for their safety.
  11. You came from a broken or dysfunctional home and therefore don't know what it's like to be in a healthy relationship, you therefore don't know better.

Loveless Marriage The Bottom Line

It's near impossible to make a loveless marriage look like anything other than just that.











Bottom line is this, everyone knows you're in a loveless marriage, in fact you're own spouse may not deny it behind your back, all the while everyone speculates as why you're selling yourself out to stay in a loveless marriage.  

The truth is the only person who's buying into your rational is well you but then again you too know it's a fraud.  Living a loveless marriage really is a fraud.  So at least you should realize you're really not kidding anybody.  

But you may want to ask yourself, what quality of relationships do you imagine your having in a circle of people who see you as a person who lives a lie married to someone you do not love?  Do you think others see you as honorable?  

In the grand scheme of things you sacrifice far more than you may have considered by remaining in an unhappy marriage.  

Solving the Problem of Loveless Marriage

Stop Beating Yourself Up - You've Been Doing That Long Enough

The truth is a loveless relationship hurts, it's a very sad way to live your life. Do you feel happy once you're apart from your spouse? Imagine how happy you could be once you live apart from them permanently?

There is never a good reason to live with someone you don't love. Your worthy of love, your spouse is worthy of love and everyone in your family deserves to come to know the person you truly are once you're happy. You will never be happy living in a loveless marriage.

Don't you think you know by now if you've fallen out of love for keeps? Maybe you've never loved them and now's the time to find out how great life is. You will never understand true love and how great it feels to truly love someone until you get out, be free and be yourself again.


Updated: 04/12/2019, katiem2
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katiem2 on 03/17/2012

Oneday Soon, This is all to common, it is my every hope you and others in this situation will realize life alone can be better than a life in a loveless marriage. Best wishes to you and a happy rest of your life.

Oneday Soon on 03/16/2012

What is really sad is that I have spend 30 yrs of my life/unhappy living with someone where there is no love, no kissing, no sex etc..Time I will never get back. Time I could have used being happy with someone else or alone with myself. I am a fool.

katiem2 on 01/23/2012

SidewalkPhilosopher, What a very good point about loveless marriage. Vital for people to realize they can back out of a marriage anytime before the I Do's, I sadly did the exact same thing as you, I had doubts but married anyway, it ended sadly, I just could not do it. I felt very bad for my (now) ex-husband.

SidewalkPhilosopher on 01/23/2012

Katie, this is excellent and so true...from one who has been there. I spent 16 years in a marriage that I realized was wrong a week before it took place. But I had traveled to Greece to marry and, at 20, didn't realize I COULD back I went through with it and did my best to make it work. For awhile, it did, but......
However, there is another page in a loveless marriage that sometimes we don't think about...those we have affected and who have affected our lives along the way. Take a look when you have a minute and I will share that side with you....
"A Glimpse, A Memory Of Love"

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