I originally stated that my main goal of this lifestyle change was not to lose weight, and that was true. But like most things in the world, I've evolved. What once started as the truth is now a lie. I started this with such optimism and I am still dedicated to this journey but it's becoming much harder each day.
The Vegetarian Chronicles; Part 3: Halloween Crunch
Part 3 of my 30 day road to insanity. This article finds me in desperation, aggravation, and serves as buckling floodgate of emotions crashing through. LOOK OUT BELOW!
It should be so simple; it is simple. I'm eating healthier and I like the foods that I'm eating. So what's the problem? I want to say the problem is not me, it's the world but that would be incorrect. I know the real problem is in my head.
1. The first obstacle is that I miss delicious foods that are horrible for me. I badly miss sweets. I want cheesecake and milkshakes and all the stuff making me sick and tired. However, this isn't too difficult to deal with. I've got healthy alternatives that are working okay. It's really just a nuisance.
2. A)The second obstacle is that I cannot find healthy meals on the go. I have a 30 minute lunch break- as if you can get to a food service, wait in the rush-hour-lunch-line, get your food, eat it, and drive back to the office all within 30 minutes.
B) Along with trying to find healthy meals on the go, it is nearly impossible to find anything vegetarian on the go. Every salad I've come across has some sort of meat in it- sliced turkey, grilled chicken, etc. Fast food salads are already made so asking them to make a new one without a certain ingredient just leaves you waiting longer.
3. The third and most difficult obstacle is this: add the first two obstacles together and suddenly I'm faced with a strenuous decision to make.
Today for example. My office celebrates birthdays so since my co-worker is a year older, we are having cake, pizza, and bonus- we also got doughnuts today. Did I mention that my cubicle is openly adjoined with the food area? I'm literally sitting a table away from 4 boxes of pizza. Cake and doughnuts were offered right up to my face and I declined.
Why did I decline? Why not give myself a treat for being mostly good. It's one slice of pizza. It's one slice of cake. It's one doughnut. The reason, ladies and gentlemen, is what I like to call: The Halloween Crunch.
The Halloween Crunch
Halloween is 11 days away and it is crunch time. I decided this year I would be a mermaid. A mermaid! Why the hell did I decide to be mermaid? Because they're pretty and I know every line of 'Part of Your World' from 'The Little Mermaid.' Should'a thought it over a little better sugar plum. Mermaids are thin and beautiful and appealing to men- all things which I am not known to be.
I thought I'd make my costume this year. I got some sparkly mermaid-print-fabric and got in touch with my inner Project Runway. I managed to create the tail first (still unfinished but coming along very well.) I needed a top piece so I turned to Pinterest and found all of these beautiful corset tops with glued sea shells- very beautiful and very mermaid like. Also? Very unflattering for me. Did I let that stop me? Noo. I'm not only losing weight (slowly but steadily) but it's Halloween and I want to be a mermaid and damn it that's what I'll be.
It took hours at each store in and around the mall, as well as countless amounts of my soul that I used to call "self-esteem," which I don't think I'll ever get back. In the few stores that had what I was looking for, none had the right size. But alas, I found a corset top. It fully covers and it's not inappropriate, (I am after all planning on wearing this to my law office on the day of Halloween.) Technically it fits but it is not super flattering.
Despite all of these factors screaming at me to give up on this costume, throw a sheet over myself and go as a ghost, I cannot. Even though it may not turn out well, I want to finish what I started. This is typically not my motto in life but when it comes to my mermaid costume, I'm not giving up because I'm hoping that it will all turn out beautifully.
I've been very good about sticking to pescetarianism. On 10/26 I will have a choice to make of whether or not I will continue with a vegetarian diet. Honestly, the only thing that would halt my vegetarian diet is the inconvenience of it. As stated above, it's almost impossible to find vegetarian meals on the go or at restaurants (especially in a small southern town.) Regardless, I think I'll continue this lifestyle for a while. As inconvenient as it can sometimes be, my health and sense of identity is more important.
I use the term 'sense of identity' because that's what it is to me. More than a weight issue, it's an identity issue. How you perceive yourself, your health, and your beauty are part of your identity. It's easier to say no to foods when I know that denying them is part of who I am and I'm not denying them out of "oh I can't, I'm on a diet."
I'm sure you were all thinking what my friend and co-worker, Brandi, said to me, "Have a slice of pizza and shut up."
Oh Brandi dear, it's much bigger than a slice of pizza. I'm making a conscious choice to choose what foods are being absorbed and used in my body. Plus, all the pizza we had contained meat- which it made it very easy to say no. I read it's easier to stay on a diet when you change your thinking from "I can't eat that," to "I don't eat that." I've found this to be extremely true. It was difficult to turn down delicious food but I knew that as bad as I felt then, I would feel way worse if I gave in. I made it through the day without eating anything that wasn't health-friendly and I feel stronger for it, albeit it cost some sanity, but I'm stronger nonetheless.
Anyway, this is the end of Part 3. Final update and results due sometime next week. Fingers crossed for me!
P.S. I just have to keep sharing these protein comics because if any of you are vegetarians, you know exactly what this is like- being asked about protein every time you pass on eating meat.
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