Who Is Freelance On Wizzley

by freelance

It seems that I've been searching for spirituality all my life. When I was younger it seemed that my intuition was very strong and lately it has seemed to wane.......

A Little Background

I was raised in a small town within the state of Wisconsin. My parents never took me to church but my label was Lutheran. I always thought I was missing out on something because my closest friend would get to go to cool camps with her church; yes, I was jealous of that. I would discuss religion with my mom, who wasn't religious at all, but did believe in more of a Buddhist fashion with a little American Indian mixed in than anything else. I watched my sister and her family take away Christmas gifts from my nieces when they were around 5 and 6 years old because they were Jehovah's Witness and didn't celebrate Christmas. Later on down the road the Jehovah mindset went away and my sister's family became born again Christians. I remember sitting down with my brother in law when I was about 12, with a little workbook learning all about Jesus and what He did for me. I always had great intuition and I counted on it quite often growing up, until I moved to "Sin City" and my life drastically changed.

Do you believe in God?

Turn And Face The Strange.......Ch Ch Changes

When we moved to Vegas I was 15 years old. My father had heart problems and his doctors advised him to move to a warmer climate; they said he couldn't make it through another Midwest winter. My mother had always loved Vegas, the bright neon lights and all the entertainers lured her in. We sold the farm, auctioned off all the remaining stuff on the farm; there was tons of it because we collected antiques and lived on that homestead ,for 13 years, and hit the road to Vegas. I hated it. How dare my parents uproot me from the place I had called home for all of my childhood and took me to a huge city where I knew no one. It took a long time for me to make friends and when I finally did, I didn't choose wisely. I ended up hanging with some delinquents and traveling down a road I never imagined being on. My father died after about 6 months of living in Vegas and my mom was forced to go to work after about 25 years of being a state at home mom and an artist. I ended up married at 17 1/2 years old and had my first child when I was 19. In between that time I completely lost touch with God. My husband, now ex husband, was an abusive alcoholic and I spent the next 7 years in a deep, dark hole. I finally got the courage to leave and I moved back to Vegas and lived for awhile with my brother.

The Next Chapter

The time between moving to Vegas, getting married and moving away, and then moving back to Vegas, spanned almost 10 years. In that time frame I was still always searching. I'd beckon God, find Him, stick with Him for awhile, and then lose focus or get side tracked by doubt, search for "the way", find something else, play with it, lose it, search for God; it never seemed to end. Why couldn't I just stay monogamous? Why did I always have to search for " the truth"? Why couldn't I just accept Jesus as "the truth"? It seems that my whole life has been lived in this manner. I'm getting tired of the revolving door. I want to go through the door and stay in the same building once and for all. The last time I walked out it was for a long time. I started to study the Tao and I found the thought process pretty agreeable. I followed the Tao for quite some time but ended up back in front of Jesus on my knees asking for Him to fill up my heart again. I sure hope this is it. I'm getting quite tired opening that door all the time.

Do you believe you can be a spiritual person without believing in God?

Updated: 11/22/2011, freelance
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